my husband and i have been married for 2 yrs and have 1 child together. he has 2 from a previous marriage and i have 1. (all under 10yrs old) we dont agree on anything. i feel like i take care of the kids all by myself--financially too. He hasnt paid daycare for our son since he was born--hes 19months old. i feel like nothing i do is good enough for him. i left in january and got my own place but i ended up coming back b/c he changed but now hes his same old mean selfish self again. we fight all the time.
2006-11-18 12:53:29 · 17 answers · asked by Miranda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Me...coming from a broken home where things where very unhappy and a lot of fighting, (parents divorced when I was young) would say two things.
1. If you and he are unhappy and always fighting the kids do see that, no matter if you try to hide it and that is not any easier on them, then it is on you. Been there done that and it still effects my marriage today. If you are truely unhappy and have tried talking with him to work things out then you need to make a decision. So if you do leave try to maintain at least a friendly relationship with him and don't bad mouth him in front of the kids because then you are putting preasure on the kids and they are still living in that hateful, mean environment.
2. Being married myself I know that it takes two and it goes both ways. You shouldn't just blame him for everything and vice a versa. One of the biggest mistakes is assuming that he knows how you feel. Have you honestly talked to him and had a big heart to heart talk with him? If you don't feel that what you are doing is good enough (for him) you should be expressing that to him instead of holding that against him and expect him to know what's wrong. And sometimes you just have to agree to disagree because then it just becomes a power struggle as to who gets their way. You should have known that there would have been some added stress with all the extra responsibilites of children. Try looking at things from a different angle. Maybe he's doing things for you that you don't see or maybe refuse to see as good enough.
I apologize for the tough love sometimes people (including myself) just need a little of it to really show us the way. Do some praying and ask him to come into your life and marriage. He will help guide you and watch over you if you ask him to. Best wishes with everything and God Bless.
2006-11-18 13:25:30 · answer #1 · answered by janet_67_1998 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As others have said, get yourself some counseling,(even if he won't go) if he won't change, (sounds like he won't) then it's time to be on your own, it sounds like you already are,,, just sharing a mutual roof? Figure out the most amicable way of division of property, etc. Regardless of how you and he may hate each other you BOTH have to get along in regards to the kids!! There are 4 other lives involved here not just you and him. As one woman sorta said, life is too short to be miserable forever. If and once you do leave spend time with just your kids. Figure out why you choose the "bad boy" syndrome type guy. Doesn't have to be forever but get and really be comfortable with you first, then find the right type of Man if thats what you want.
2006-11-18 13:24:52 · answer #2 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He changed for a while to get you to come back. Obviously, it worked. When kids are involved, relationships between husband and wife can make things more complicated. You and your husband need to have a serious conversation for the sake of the kids. Fighting in their presence is no good for them. I hate to see marriages break up but you have to do what's best for you and the kids. If he's not the total jackass that you portray him to be, give him a second chance. Otherwise, kick him to the curb.
2006-11-18 13:09:16 · answer #3 · answered by Murray 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sarah: You married into a mess. This guy is solely, thinking of himself. First; do your part and get to a marriage counsellor ( go; even, if he doesn't). Since you have done your part and he (stays unchanged) - plan on taking your baby and running for the "hills". Get a lawyer and make the "bum" pay you for the baby. I'm not a fan of Day Cares myself, but should you still decide to enlist into one after the split, you will need $ to help pay for it. Leave him for good, this time - if he comes a begging, tell him he ran out of chances and get a restraining order on him. May be he was single for a reason before you initially came into his life. Good luck to you "Sarah" !!!
2006-11-18 13:06:08 · answer #4 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you havent already tried counseling, that would be a great place to start. Consult your pastor at your church (if you have one) or search in the yellow pages for a marriage counselor. Some marriages cannot be saved, some people catch the err of their ways and try to fix them to save the relationship.
If it cannot work, it is better to cut the losses early than to live like that for the next 20 years unhappy. Marriage takes effort on both parts to maintain it- just like a car. If you dont maintain your car it will break down and wont be worth much.
Dont give up however on the marriage unless you have already tried to fix it.
good luck!
2006-11-18 12:59:00 · answer #5 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's a marriage, for better and worse! Try everything you can in your heart to make things work, especially when there is a child involved! You may just have to get him back on track again. Men do tend to get side tracked! Hope you make the right decision for you and or family! Good Lock!
2006-11-18 13:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by littlegoober75 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
unfortunately, from the sound of it, you already know the answer..you moved out, then came back..perhaps you should move out again, and stay that way..its not healthy to stay in an unhappy relationship just because of the children. you'd be better off alone with the kids and happy then in a bad marriage and unhappy..
2006-11-18 12:59:58 · answer #7 · answered by Nikkib 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A husband who doesn't even take care of his responsibilities his not a husband. That's a man, who spits out kids and then keeps being a boy. You should have stayed gone. You do not owe him anything, but those other two kids, well, they may be a little sad, but will get over it.
2006-11-18 12:57:49 · answer #8 · answered by Ofie 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you made a bad choice of men again..
Divorce him and plan for your next husband like you are
planning for a job...
Find a Mature man with a good education, credit history, home, cars, be careful of prior divorces & children, what is job history,
future prospects, family history & money, bank history....
Do not just base your decision on charisma, looks and the fact
that he shows you a little attention and wants in your pants..
2006-11-18 12:59:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
get out now and dont look back. He can say he's changed all he wants but he will probably never change. Sometimes they will even pretend to have changed to get back what they want but it usually never lasts more than a couple of weeks or months. Move on it will be much easier and better for you and your children without him.
2006-11-18 13:00:57 · answer #10 · answered by April C 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋