i have a 2 and a half year old and recently had another, who is 13wks old, my partner works but is pretty busy with recreational sports when not working. im always stressing out yelling and cursing at him because i dont feel the support.im getting fed up and am worried i am going to make the wrong decision of breaking up, and becoming a solo mum of two.why is relationships like this?
2006-11-18 12:12:05 · 7 answers · asked by missmama 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
the thing is that he works normal 40hr wks, once hes finished he's off to rugby training every 2nd day of the week, games on saturdays and then comes us, his family. its all too much stress on me.i want my house in a good routine for my kids, and ive tried sitting down with him to tell him calmly what i want for the sake of our family to stay together. yet he tells me its all good, but will go back to his same old ways the very next day.im getting to the point where i cant put up with his immaturity any more. we are both on young he is 23 and im 20, but i want to be doing all the best i can for my beautiful babies and he is just stressing me out. i really need some help, i dont want things to go bust!
2006-11-18 12:53:19 · update #1
because men think its all about them....and they forget that you have children to look after...they assume you are sitting on your butt at home....sit him down and tell him straight that you could do with some help and hopefully he will start to pull his weight......breaking up over this isnt really the best thing to do....you can sort it out....
2006-11-18 12:18:28 · answer #1 · answered by askaway 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first realize that even under perfect conditions itis the mother that does most of the child rearing, no fair but true so face it.
Yelling and cursing is not going to do anything but drive him away. what would you do, would you stay with someone who is acting like you? No you wouldn't. You need to get some stress releif throught medication and or exercise, get a routine set up with those kids so you can get a break and then realize that with a 2 and a half year old and an infant, there is very little rest in your near future and exhaustion is a big cause of stress.
Instead of yelling and cursing him. try to get a sitter or get the kids asleep at the same time, put on something skimpy and sexy and get that stress relieved. It willdo a lot more for you marriage than you cursing all the time. No one wants to be around a *****, even if she is your wife, even if she is 100% justified. It just don't work.
2006-11-18 20:20:04 · answer #2 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relationships aren't usualy like this. It depends on how you talk to him. You need to be very clear. He is probably stressed out too, maybe part of it is because you are yelling and cursing at him. Men also have to adjust after a new baby comes in the picture. You need to calmly talk to him. Tell him you feel like you are not getting any emotional support, and that it hurts you when he plays sports instead of spending time with you and the kids. If you tell him it pisses you off, it's not going to be as effective as saying that he is hurting you. And don't just blame it on him. I wouldn't want to go home if someone was yelling at me, either. Tell him that you are sorry for the way you've treated him, and it's because you are frustrated and don't know how to handle it. It sounds like you both need to make some changes.
2006-11-18 20:18:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you 2 have poor communication. As a mom, you instinctively take your child care responsibilities seriously, but a dad does not necessarily do so. (some do, I know, but some don't)
He DOES care and feel a sense of responsibility, but may not know what to do, or feel you have taken care of everything, or may be feeling left out. . . Men don't have maternal instincts, you know.
So, it's up to you to TELL him what you need, in a calm rational manner, because as a rule, people listen better that way. No one likes to be yelled at and cursed at, and usually stop listening at that point.
So, take some deep calming breaths, relax, and TELL him what you want/need. YOu ARE under a lot of stress, with the 2 children, but getting your partner's cooperation IS important. The best way to do this is by calmly taking the lead, and asking for what you want.
You CAN, and NEED TO take the lead in this situation. I have faith in you.
Good luck!
2006-11-18 20:27:17 · answer #4 · answered by Icky Vicky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can SOOOO relate.
My daughter was 19 months old when I had my son. I had post partum depression in addition to a husband who liked to spend money, do online games, didn't do ANY housework or help with the kids at all, had tons of bills to pay for, his friends were more important etc.
Pretty much he is a lazy bum with no work ethic.
Get into marriage couseling. Talk to him. Tell him to get his act together or you will walk and he will have to pay a lot of money in child support payments.
2006-11-18 20:18:27 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write down exactly what you want. Do not write intangible things down like "love" or "support", as this WILL lead to an argument that will not help or please either what you two.
Say precisely what nappies are required, when changing needs to be done, what colour the kids bedroom needs to be.
New kids stress guys out too.
2006-11-18 20:17:13 · answer #6 · answered by Mardy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because ones using the other.I want my way.Marrage I dought it.If its like this now it won't get any better.Ask yourself this what am I worth?
2006-11-18 20:32:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋