Go on make me laugh?

Question

I've had a realy bad and miserable day, I ned a smile - a joke -something!!!

Answer 1

Superdrug are doing a special offer on Tampax with free fairy lights - they're for the Christmas period only. :)

Take a look at the rest of my many jokes...you might find something to make you smile. :)

Answer 2

well one day me and my friend were walking down the street ,we're both a little buzzed and across the street sat 3-4 guys, so we started strutting our stuff, i stop by a light pole and peaked around to check out the seen, there was some really good looking guys, so i strutted even harder , all of a sudden ,my friend started laughing uncontrollably and so i laughed too not knowing what she was laughing at, just how hard she was laughing, so hard my stomach was hurting from laughing and then she sorta sat down on the high wall of some ones yard , just pointing and laughing, i looked back to see what it was , my wig had stuck to the pole i had peaked around 20 feet ago ,so here
i am, with a stocking left on my head ,strutting my stuff, face all made up,dress, heals and my hair about 25 feet away on a pole, the guys were laughing, i could do nothing but laugh grab my hair put it own and l hurry down the street,

Answer 3

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good
time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the
more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and
puts the following on the bar --

A saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains. "First you put a bit of the salt
on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in you mouth, and finally you drink
the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue --
salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it .... In one second the sharp lime taste hits...

.... At two seconds the Baileys curdles

.... At three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits.

This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he
swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says,

"Jesus, what do you call that drink?"



She smiles widely at him and says, "Blow -Job Revenge"

Answer 4

When the bus arrived at its stop, the gorgeous woman at the head of the line tried to climb aboard but couldn’t because of her tight skirt. Thinking quickly, she reached back and undid the zipper a little to allow more movement. Still, her skirt was too snug, so she lowered the zipper again.
Unable to climb aboard, she adjusted it a third time, but again it wasn’t enough to allow her to step up.
Tired of waiting, the man behind her gently grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her onto the bus. “Who do you think you are to touch me in that way?” the woman said angrily.
“Well, ma’am” the man replied, “after you undid the zipper on my pants, I assumed we were pretty good friends”


A man was complaining to a friend about an uncle who was staying with him. “I didn’t mind when he wore my suits,” he said. “I didn’t object when he smoked my best cigars, drank my favorite wine and borrowed my car every night. But when he sat down at the dinner table and smiled at me with my own teeth—that was too much!”


A woman was tired of her husband’s drinking, so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when her husband returned home from another bender, she jumped out from behind the sofa and screamed.
“You don’t scare me,” the man said, looking her over calmly. “I married your sister.”

hope you like it, good luck and be happy!

Answer 5

((this is a school where girls wear skirts and guys wear pants))

One day afterschool, a group of guys tolded a girl if she climbs up a flagpole, he'll give her $1. Then the girl said,"Sure." When she got home, her mom asked her,"Where'd you get $1 from?" The girl explained to her mom what happened afterschool and her mom said, "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN, THEY JUST WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
The next day afterschool, the same guys asked her to do it again, but this time for $5. She ignored her mom and said yes. When she went home, her mom asked the same question and she explained. Her mom told her again to NEVER do it again! The next day, the guys offered her a $100 bucks. She couldn't reist and sad yes. When she got home, her mom asked her again and she explained it to her mom. Then her mom told her to never do it again. Then the little girl said, "Don't worry mom, i didn't wear any underwear today!."

Answer 6

If hamster p didn't make you laugh nothing will!! Haha that was funny! Hope you're day gets better, or if you're in the same part of the world as me, UK 1.20 am hope you sleep well and Sunday is better for you :o)

Answer 7

Bo Shen

Answer 8

OK, pour a glass of something, and read the following :..!!
....................sorry I ca/nt ..... bit ify, they only mildly smutty.
...they think I a perv !!! must be the site, you wanna
c wot we get up to in Bingo !! anyway, a smile is
only an upside frown !!!... Good Luck .may your God
go with you.....Lynn Ross

Answer 9

Donna Doop, ain't make me droop, gotta smile, as big as a mile ;) Donna can your droop help my smile? wanna make my droop go to a courteous 12 ` O` **** straight up, Hello, Salute! there ain't no droop!

Answer 10

ok, this is HELLA funny AND sooo true (and LOOOONG! but worth it!)
enjoy!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
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Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Washyour hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs (and nether regions...)

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
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Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in apile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ***.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub thewhole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you. Have a great day !



Oh, and....woo woo!!!