Poem I did? I need feed back.?

Question

This is a poem I wrote when I was feeling especially fat.
I wrote myself a letter
And suddenly I saw
How meanly mean I was,
I just read on in awe.

‘Dear Self,’
It began
‘you need to improve. You need some help,
something other than a fan’

‘you really don’t like me,
And that’s just too bad
For I am you
Not some silly fad.’

‘Try looking in mirrors
You might be surprised
You’re not fat at all!
You’ll be re-sized.’

‘Don’t you worry.’
It moved on to my weight.
‘you’ve been exercising,
You’ve watched what you’ve ate.’

I really was amazed
At how much power
I had gotten
And it took me all of an hour

To read through my letter
Every line, and every verse
Then I had to search for tissues
Looking in my purse

I had to let me cry
I mean, I was ten
When I wrote the letter, tucked away in my diary,
I forgot it had been

To believe it or not
My words had an impact
On my newer self
I really had gotten smacked.

Straight in the face
It was most alarming
But a little refreshing
And more than that; charming

I instantly did it
I fell in love
Not with that one boy
But that girl from above

The one who regained me
Gave back to me my strength,
She opened my eyes when I read that letter
That was puny in length

She knew I would do it
Make myself toned
But still I thought I was big
Don’t ask; I was honed

She tried to protect me
And protect me she did
When I tried to suffer
When I went and hid

She just came out stronger
And pulled me right out
Told me I was NOT fat
Just a wee bit stout

That’s all in the letter
And guess what, it came true
For I don’t know how,
But my past self, she knew

Answer 1

Good one! Did you really write that letter at -ten-? What a sad society we have when any young girl feels she has to look like America's Next Top Model (that is, skinny as a fence post) in order to be thought beautiful. I hope you're feeling better about yourself now.

Answer 2

at the start, super poem. Haha. nicely poems are artwork, so that's stressful to assert the thank you to alter it. that's greater as much as you contained in the tip. in case you like it to be organic and organic, you may pass away it how that's, yet once you like it to be slightly greater based the 1st step could be to tension it to have the comparable sort of syllables in each and every line. additionally, you will possibly desire to wreck those longer traces into 2 separate traces so as that there is a rhyme each and every 2. as an occasion: this might nicely be a false impression, - 8 syllables on your inventive and prescient became into flushed away. - 8 syllables yet i'm no longer a rest room, - 7 syllables so shall we attempt to get this rapidly. - 7 syllables you will possibly desire to objective to get the 1st 2 traces to be 7 syllables each and every. in case you may no longer do this, attempt to get each and every 2-line pair to function as much as fourteen syllables each and every. in case you persevere with that trend contained in the time of the full element, you have got a nicely polished poem.

Answer 3

I like it. An important message. A nice way of telling it.

Answer 4

Not Pulitzer prize, but I liked it.

Jonnie

Answer 5

That's really fine, cool for first attempt

Answer 6

Hey, this is an interesting look at yourself, but my first advice (or plea, really) is to ditch the rhyme, I'm begging you!! It absolutely does not have to rhyme in order to be poetry, and poems that rhyme but have no rhythm just distract from the message. Please, please, please stop making things rhyme. It sounds forced and fake.

Answer 7

i like it. it shows an excellent message that is not being used to often

Answer 8

I really like it!

Answer 9

this is great i like it

Answer 10

ohhh.good lord.plz take a break