For people who were bullied at school: Does this still affect you?

Question

I was bullied in my seconday school (for girls only) between the ages of 12 and 16, my class was mainly full of b*tches and tarts and they used to love picking on me, eg. because I hadn't had a boyfriend when I was 11 and didn't wear make-up 3 inches thick. The school tried to stop it by talking to the class, but it didn't do anything. One of my "best friends" even turned against me. She did eventually realise how cruel she was being to me, she said that she had been "brainwashed" by them. She is still a friend now, but I feel I still can't trust her fully.
When I went onto the 6th Form (at the same school) most of the bullies left and I made new friends, so the bullying stopped.
It was all mental/emotional bullying but I feel that my confidence is still affected by this and I still feel hurt inside, even though I'm 22 now. Is this normal?
(Please no stupid "Get over it", "Suck it up answers", which aren't constructive at all)

Answer 1

of course. a lot of people do.my sister for example

Answer 2

Do yourself a favor. Get some backup. Nobody should have to go to school alone without without some form of support. I wish I had known what I know now when I was in school because the bullies made my life HELL in the 60s. This is nothing new but now there is hope for you. 1st start talking to God. Get him on your side and you will gain a confidence you have never felt before. Then enroll in a Karate class and learn to defend yourself. You will learn respect and discipline so you do not want to hurt anyone but you will also gain the confidence that nobody can scare you or walk all over you again. If push comes to shove you will not lose and there probably will not be another incident because kids talk about incidents and your behavior will gain you respect and that is what you need to keep the bullies at bay.

Answer 3

Sometimes emotional trauma affects people for a long time, because they never have closure to the problem. But how to get it is often hard. You could presumably find an avenue to confront the bullier -s publicly to tell them what worthless people they were for treating you this way, say at a reunion or something, or you could go get some professional help to work through this problem.
As to your 'friend' she sounds weak, if she succumbed to being led before, she could do it again, basically I think she is a follower, she finds the strongest side and follows them, when they are not there she latches on to anyone else. I would not give her the time of day. Having her around only serves to remind you of your pain and her duplicity.
In time you will form closer friends with new people and hopefully this part of your life will be laid to rest. Time heals most wounds, we can only hope it will heal yours if you do not go and get closure somehow or seek professional help.
Good luck

Answer 4

Im sorry to hear you were bullied and i too was bullied throughout primary and secondary school. They teased me for the clothes i wore or anything they could think of really and one time after a whole years worth of bullying i came close to ending my own life. But then something happened... I was at school secondary that is and sure enough this day the bullying started as usuall but it was 5 ppl all at once picking on me. Something snapped in me and i swung round hit the biggest guy in the ring and ended up breaking his lower jaw and also breaking his nose. Needles to say the rest stopped but after all that time been bullied it made no difference to how i felt inside. Inside i am still feeling very weak my confidence aint worth **** Im 28 now and i can honestly say it still affects me to this day. So yes it is normal dear and i wish you all the luck in rebuilding your confidence and i wish i had a cure to your problem but alas i dont. Just want to let you know that there is someone out there that feels the same way.

Hope this helps

Answer 5

I understand compleately! and I'm glad you posted this question, It happened to me but it went way over the top!
I was in year 7 to year 8 when I was being emotionaly and mentaly bullied by a group of girls, they would follow me around and wisper things about me, they would spread rumors and pick on me.
I acted like I wasn't upset but I was because I was a very quiet, shy person that wasn't at all a tart and didn't wear makeup at all, There was no reason for them to pick on me, I had 3 best friends at the time and also my sister which is 2 years younger than me, my friends wouldn't stick up for me but my sister would (bless her), I told the teacher about it and we all got toghether to discuss the problem and why they were bulling me, but that didn't help. At that time I met this guy that was afew years older than me and that's when the trouble started, my friends were concerned about me so they went to the school counsellor and the counsellor told child protection, then I stopped going to school because the bulling got so bad, then I had the police come down to tell me to go back to school, so I did for a day.
Me and my boyfriend as he is now, planed to get away to a different state, because we were being harrassed by the police, my parents were making it hard for me as they didn't agree with the age difference, child protection had had reports from my parents, the councesellor and the police, so we had to go.
Now 3 years later we are still toghether and plan to get married, moving away was the best thing I have ever done and yes the bulling has always effected me, I often think back and think about what I could have said to them.
But it's all over now my mum says to me, but it has effected my self essteem till this day.
I have moved on and I feel a little better than before I look great, all the girls that picked on me use to drink and smoke and I never have, so it could have been jelousy.

Answer 6

Yes it is 'normal' or ordinary anyway. You cannot expect to have any kind of experience negative or positive and it not leave a mark on you. This sort of negative experience tends to leave a 'Indian sign' on your head and other bullies notice it. It took me a long time to recover my self esteem, some seem to find it easier. One thing is for certain by expressing your concern you can start to explore your inner feelings. To be able to re-establish your own worth as a person to your self can sometimes require you to go back and re visit mentally some of those experiences.

An important thing to do here is to forgive the 'little girl' who was not able to handle the bullying very well. It was not 'her' fault. When you have forgiven yourself this way properly not just superficially then you can think about relating to it as a segment in your life, then maybe you can turn it into a positive by helping other children who are currently being bullied, there are many organisations who try to help bullied children. Child-line in the UK is one, I am sure they would be glad to here from you.

Answer 7

I understand you completely! I was bullied by classmates in a regular public school. But more so at home than anything. I remember it all of what happened at home and it still affects me to this day. I can't stand being around any of those family members,I have Post traumatic stress and depression at times cause of them and I try to avoid them even if its going out of my way. I will go to counseling eventually,I just cant cause im broke.
I don't pay too much attention to school girls or boys talkin sh!t cause they're losers and they feel like one when I give them no reaction. Be strong and you'll make it. Just keep doin what ya do and prove everybody wrong. If they keep talkin about u u must have something that shines through that they're jealous of. Or they have no life. Hope I helped. if u need to talk more email me at [e-mail] I'm 17 gonna graduate next yr

Answer 8

Well I was bullied from the age of 9 or 10 to the age of 16. I still have the occassional nightmare, but apart from that its not something I think about anymore. I am close to your age. I used to think about it heaps and it still hurt so long after I stopped seeing the person.

But after I went to a different school I made more friends and realised what a socially immature person they were and that I was worth more than what they thought I was. This made a difference, and I now choose to be with friends that build me up instead of bringing me down. Plus I stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.

Even though I still get the nightmares, I have still moved on, and it reminds me of how thankful I am that my life is so much different.

I can understand how you must still be affected, and it makes me sad to think about it. But hey, youre a really special person, that has the ability to empathise with other kids who are bullied and you can really help them!!! Believe in your selfworth, and stand proud! God dont create junk!!!!

Answer 9

It does get easier and bullying effects different people in different ways. i was bullied through high school, and like you it wasn't until i moved on to higher education that it stopped.

i looked at college as a fresh start and to be a new me. new friends new image etc. i coped by showing people i was not bothered by them and that i would achieve everything i wanted.

the turning point for me was going back to school for a reunion, and dumping into my old bullies. they didn't even recognise me and they were trying to be my friend. which of course never would happen. it gave me a really good feeling.

you need to use what hurt you before to help motivate you to achieve what your heart wants. it will make you stronger, more confident with a little time. just think to our self, where are those girls and what are they doing now.
karma will ensure you a better life.

Answer 10

Im not a girl,but i was always bullied through school because of my weight.I even had to go to boarding school to try and loose it.My first secondary school i even had bricks thrown at me and i was called so many names because of being fat.I was always short and fat until i reached 17 years of age when i grew taller and then i added bulk through weight training but even now at the age of 41 i am still affected by the things that happened as a child.Even now ,although 6ft and built like a brick s**thouse,my days of bullying still affect my psychology.Children just do not realise or care how deep their insults go or affect us.I wish you well

Answer 11

These people have had an impact on your life and a dramatic one at that, perhaps if you seek some of these people out and see what they are doing now. With respect to your best friend, If you have been friends for the past 10 years and she made a silly mistake when a child and never made mistake since, you need to trust her.. She is a good friend