please tell me what to do .... lonely?

Question

i dont know what to do i live abroad with my husband in a different country , the problem is that i dont have much friends here and whenever i argue with my husband i stay alone in the apartment crying and he dont even bother himself to hold me nd telll me that hes sorry.. i love him so much i know hes a good person but i fe lonely when he the closet person to my heart go away leaving me in tears

Answer 1

I know how you feel . I also moved for my husband and i am a life coach/relationship coach so i deal with many people that have similar problems.
Moving to a different country is not easy. You change your culture, sometimes career, sometimes you can't do anything because you don't have the necessary papers to work ,maybe you can't drive, you might even experience panic attacks and you definitely are lonely and there's no amount of e-mails, im's and phone calls that will fill up that hole you feel.
If you are like most people in your situation the highlight of your day is when he comes home.
What you need to think about when you get sad and depressed is that he is working so that he can provide for you both -i am sure.
I am not sure about the dynamic of your relationship but i assume you agreed to the move ( yes even without knowing what it will actually do to you).Unfortunately i think now you need to try to make the best of it. I do not know how long you will be there but from my experience people usually take anywhere from 6months to 2 years to adjust.
I would love to help you get over this and by all means feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions or if you just want to vent.

Answer 2

Men often react to tears by fleeing the scene. They can't handle it. I am gonna say something ya might not like but if youare smart you will listen.

Get up off it and get out and make you a life outside of your husband. You have nothing but him so you are clinging for dear life and strangling the man in the process. he is probably just as tired so the tears as you are. Here's an old wife's secret. Tears are a secret weapon used sparcly they can have profound effect, turned on with regularity they just make everything wet soggy and unpleasant. You will feel better about yourself when you have something else in your life and guess what you will find that your husband will find you more interesting and want to stick around. No one wants to be around a cry baby. Fix yourself and save your marriage.

If you do not speak the language find some kindly neighbor or someone to help you so that you can begin to communicate with someone besides your husband. it is up to you to make you happy not your husband so get up off your butt dry your eyes and do something with your life that has nothing to do with you husband. Trust me it might be hard at first but it will be soooo worth it and might give you back the happy marriage you once had. Good Luck

Answer 3

Are your there because he is in the military?
My daughter went through just what you are. She had friends at the base but didn't live close.

So I know how lonely you are because she was too. And the fact he isn't helping makes it worse.

You don't mention children. That would complicate your situation more so if not at least that is not their to consider.

If it gets too unbearable you may have to come back home and live with your parents until he can come back and you can be together. For him not to understand your need is not acceptable.

Loneliness hurts just as much as physical pain. It can be worse at times. You must do something. Talk to him when you are not arguing....tell him just how you feel....and see what he says. If you have already done that and you got nothing from him then you have to take care of yourself.

Answer 4

One thing to think about - and this goes for everyone reading this: BEFORE engaging in an argument, consider if it's even worth the trouble, pain, and stress it will cause the BOTH of you. In other words, would you fight as hard over a penny as you would over $100...? Hopefully not, but, then again, there are all kinds of people, aren't there...?
Weigh the gravity of the situation first and consider if it's REALLY worth the hassle... Often, it won't be and it just becomes a matter of pride - to see who will come out on top. When that happens, you both wind up losers... So, there...!

Answer 5

Life is about decitions, you picked him as your husband you are stocked... on the other hand you have the right to have a life... a social life and is not healthy to hide yourself in the closet(apartment) crying and feeling guilty, bad and frustrated... you are killing yourself, Go out for a drink join a club, make friends and LIVE IT UP ... you are the only owner of your life, get the most of it.... cheer up.

Answer 6

I know its hard but you do need to boost your self esteem. go out and try to meet new people and take your mind off things. If you just sit at home upset I think it kind of gives him power over the situation. It indicates that he can treat you badly and you'll just take it while he goes out and does what he pleases with no regards to what you're feeling. Friends are very important and if you go out and meet new people near you I know it would help you. You need support from people around you. good luck. I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 7

Try to talk to your husband tell him how you feel when he leaves you like that. I know it can be difficult especially in a new place but try to talk to people near you.

If you can't find any neighbors that you'd like to be friends with try joining a group of some sort like a quilting circle or a cake decoration class. A lot of community centers offer classes of all sorts I suggest looking for one that appeals to you.

Answer 8

I don't know how religious you are but, have you considered a church group? join Alanon to find friends. Look in the paper for clubs, a garden club, cooking club. You have to try yourself to find yourself. Try the library, volunteering at a nearby hospital.
I have no idea why or how you got into this situation but, maybe for the holidays you can come home for a visit?

Answer 9

what country are you in? I would recomend trying to learn the basics of the language then get up and go out and meet people just as you would in the states. Every country has clubs, different classes and things to do. Be proactive and find something you enjoy and do it

Answer 10

Get a Hobie join a group meet people make friends have fun.