Should I go back to my husband...need advice please...?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 yrs and together for almost 7 and have 2 young girls...we've had ups and downs in that time. beg. of sept we were having a really hard time and he decided to move almost 800 miles away with his parents and give us a "break" to figure things out. he has sent me money very regularly to help out and now wants me and the girls to move out there with him. I love him very much, he's a great dad, I really want him to be an active part of my girls lives. I'm just not sure if up and moving half way across the country away from my family and friends is the best idea. I feel like I'm stuck either chosing him and his family or me and mine and either way someone is going to be hurt by it all. I didn't get married with the intentions of ever getting divorced (I guess no one does though) and I feel inclined to do everything in my power to save my marriage, for my kid's sake and mine as well. Any thoughts?
All advice is much appriciated.

Answer 1

Family is very important and no one wants to move away from their family. However, sometimes circumstances change. Then we feel like we have to "make a decision", when there really isn't one to make.

You, your husband and your children are your "family". This shouldn't be a "choice" between your family or his. If you and your husband "love" each other and want to be a "family", there is no choice to make. You owe it to yourselves and your children to do whatever you need to do to make your family work.

Sometimes we have to put the needs of our family above our own personal needs and desires. That's what being a spouse and a parent means.

Of course your parents are going to be "hurt", they are your parents! They can always visit, so can you. The same is true of your "friends". The wonderful thing about "friends" is you can never have too many and you can always make "more"!

Some people never get a second chance, you owe it to your children to give yourself one. Children need both their parents. If you don't go, you will always wonder if you could have done more, and by then, it may be "too late".

Best of luck.

Answer 2

Hello, I understand what you mean. The good news is that he cares about you and the girls. Depending on the distance (you may way want to do this over the phone but it will be harder) leave the girls with your parents to baby sit while you meet him halfway (or take the girls if you want so he can see them). Sit down and discuss about just living in a spot or area which is a half way mark for the both of you. That way when the both of you go to travel to see either his or your family and friends then you do not have that far to go. Not as far as it would be going the long haul anyway. When meeting him then stop at a few gas stations and pick up some reale state books and the both of you can look at them together so the both of you will have an idea on the price range of homes in and around that area. I know this is easier said then done. Good luck.

Answer 3

Sure, hon, try to save your marriage. The guy didn't give you the big betrayal by sleeping with someone -- that is the deal breaker. You two just need to learn to communicate better without being confrontational, and that is not a skill that too many people have without some help. Just to sit down and start talking about problems is a big mistake -- it almost always disintegrates into an adversarial defensive argument. So, sure, and get some help. A couple of sessions in counseling will help both of you be able to tell the other your needs without fighting. It won't cost you much, and is worth every dime.

Answer 4

why not go there and see if it would be a place u might want to live. he did not betray u, or break your heart, and he has sent u money, i would say you have a good man. u can still come home to visit family, but u can't easily get a new husband.but don't move in with his parents, get your own place to live. he has so many wonderful things about him, that shows his true character. i would go be with him and choose him over your family, after all if it doesn't work out u can always come back home. give it a chance

Answer 5

Just ask yourself if youre better off there without him or there with him? Unless hes got a great job there, Id say his parents are influencing him to move there in whcih case your going to have to put up with meddling in laws. But if youre committed to saving your marriage as you say you are, then nothing else matters but your family itself. The rest will come and go but you saved your family from becoming another stastic. Good luck

Answer 6

If your going to be moving into your own home and not in with your inlaws then I say go for it. That's your husband and maybe the distance would be great for you 2. I know i was very hesitant about going with my husband when he got stationed in Hawaii, but I was so glad I did it. It really brought us closer together. The nice is that if it doesn't work out you can always come back..right??

Answer 7

Tough choice.

MY decision would be to remain close to my own friends and family since it was HIS decision to move away in the first place.

You could suggest that he come back, see if the two of you can make it work, and THEN decide to move or not. His answer to this should tell you a lot.

Answer 8

You sound pretty level headed and that is refreshing. Do what you feel is best for you and your kids. If he is a great dad and you love him then go. Your family will come and visit you all. Give it two years and if by then your unhappy and it doesn't work then make a different decision.

Answer 9

Oh man what a tough situation. I would definitely get back with him and go to joint counselling. As for moving away, I'd have a real good heart to heart with him and make that decision together. Wherever you choose to live, make sure there are people there who SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE your marriage.

Answer 10

Have you considered marriage counseling? This is a difficult problem. Good luck, and God Bless.