should i forgive my husband who hit me?

Question

all i have to say is i love him more than anything in the world but im in such a state because hes broke my heart

Answer 1

Forgive him... Yes...
Stay with him... NO...
It's very unlikely that he'll change what he's doing... and if he does give the illusion of change... it's far more probable that he'll have a relapse and he will start again...
One should never subject himself/herself to abuse... it's always a downward spiral and usually never gets better...
Many blame parents or society... but I've found that people who do so... do it because they're so insecure about themselves... they find themselves lashing out at others... and using violence as a means of doing so... it's a mental problem... and it's something that he seriously needs to get help for... as do you if you continue to stay with him... Sometimes "Stockholm Syndrone" develops... etc. etc.etc...
Bottom line... get out of it while you're still questioning what to do... don't wait until you start to become Co-Dependant or feel trapped...

Answer 2

My first reaction would be to say LEAVE NOW. However you love him more than anything in the world. Find out if he feels that way about you. Insist that he go to some type of counseling either with you or alone to handle his anger problem. I do believe people can and do change for the better. Watch for other danger signs, such as him trying to control you, isolate you from friends and family, etc. If none of these other things occur and he goes to some type of counseling, then you have a good chance for success.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I want you to go back and read your statement. What in there gives you the answer?

"you are in such a state because he broke your heart"

No man that truly loves his wife would ever do that on purpose.
He may even love you but he does have a problem. A man who hits a woman, even once, has a real problem. Anger.

The next time he gets that angry and blames you it will happen again.

Have him explain to you...when he is not mad.....why he did that.
If he can't or won't you need to ask him to seek help with it. If he refuses to do so stating there is nothing wrong to get help for you must take action.

There is a chance it won't happen again. But more likely it will.
Please do not just hope all is well. Next time it could be far worse.

Answer 4

My mom went through the same thing when I was very young. I know its hard to leave someone that you care deeply about but you have to think about whats best for you. No one deserves to be hit by someone else. Its a really bad thing and maybe your husband doesn't mean to hurt you in such a way.

I would suggest going to the women's resource center. You can get a lot of help there, they offer help to anyone not just women. You should be able to find thier number and info on this website. http://www.ccsf.edu/Organizations/Womens_Resource_Center/

Answer 5

As you said "hit me" and not "hits me", I presume this was a one of? What were the circumstances like, was he out of control and lost his temper? Is he suffering from depression, stress anxitey,,,?

If he is hitting you every day then get out.

However, if this was a one of occassion then you will have to look deeper into your heart and his. If this is not consistent with his behaviour then a deeper problem lies within.

All I can say is this; I remember my mum was (and still is) in deep depression due to my brother's death. Even eight years later, she would spend weeks in her room on her own. She would then go back to being "normal" and would try to remedy things. Anyway,one day she really battered me and I mean banging my head of the concrete floor in the kitchen. However, I rember the tears she shed and all I could do hid hold her...she couldn't cope.

Now at the age of 20, my mum is my best pal and always will be...Her depression isn't an excuse but rather a cause. Like I said, for me it was a one off that would never be repeated, therfore I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Can you?

Good luck xxx

Answer 6

He hit you because he was angry at something. Some People get angry at the slightest thing however unreasonable, whether it be jealously, or just having a row!
When your angry your emotions just keep building up inside and some people cant keep them in control. So if He couldn't control it in the past its highly unlikely he will be able to now, unless he went to an anger management professional and underwent counselling.
My opinion though is get out while you still can! If it continues it it will get worse..... each time.
Ask yourself this ... Are you nervous every time you have a small disagreement and worry that if you don't say the right things he will get heavy handed and aggressive?
You are the only one who controls your life, lets hope that never changes! Good Luck

Answer 7

I am sorry this happened to you. There is never a good "reason/ excuse" for hitting another person. Especially after you are grown. When someone hits their spouse not only does it show poor judgement, but insecurity . Most of all it shows a complete lack of respect for himself, much less you. If he does it once, he will do it again. Yes, forgive him....but that does not mean to continue to accept the behavior. I hope you two can get some counseling and be able to verbally resolve your issues. No hitting allowed.

Answer 8

Of course you should forgive him. But don't give him the opportunity to harm you again. Was this the first time he hit you? Did he hit you out of anger?

I stayed in an abusive marriage for eight years, always thinking it would get better. A light went on when my then four year old son said "the next time daddy hits you, I am going to smash him in the head with the wooden baseball bat." What was I teaching my kids by living like that?

Answer 9

In the early years of marriage there was episodes of violence......nothing now for about 15 years nor will there be because he was scared to see how serious I was about blowing him in society....as in he is a somebody in his little world. I fell out of love with him then and have never really loved him since and if I could have the moment again I would have told all....and walked.......even tho the financial gain and lifestyle gain has been good. So be strong.......this is unlikely to be a one off incident.......he would have to go to some sort of councelling .
Treat it with the seriousness it deserves. But it is easy for those looking in from the ouside to make sweping statements.....you are in the situation so in the end you have to deal with the consequences of staying or going or seeking help.......but do not sweep it under the carpet and think itis gone forever.

Answer 10

its hard to leave someone u love but if he hits u he is not worth it. Sorry he is a wimp!! Is he violent with everyone else around him, or just with you? because he knows he is stronger. Is it the first time he has hit you? after how long? Becareful he doesnt do it again and if he does you should not put up with it. Usually if he does it once he will do it again.
There are loads of guys out there who treat women well and am sure you merit someone who really loves you and does not use you as a punching pall. Becareful and am so sorry for your problem