Do I still love him, or should I stick to my plan?

Question

I broke up with my ex 2.5 months ago. At first I was so sure that I didn't want to be with him and I quickly moved on. It has been a month in my new relationship and I have been having mixefeelings about my ex. We shared alot together and planned on marrige etc. Our relationship wasn't perfect and the thought of forever scared me a bit. I have never had a relationship where i felt thi way and I am so used to being unhappy that I tend to destroy anything that makes me happy emotionally. I still see my ex sometimes and I try to avoid expressing myself to him because I am dating someone else and to get back together with him would be alot of work. I am happy with my current bf but not the way i was with my ex, i know the new guy is just a rebound. My ex still loves me and he tells me that often. I may have jumped the un on the breakup and now i really miss what we had, but is it just guilt? I know I have really hurt him and I do still care, I dont speak to any of my other exs, so why him?

Answer 1

Although things may be blurry right now, you made the right decison. I mean you had your reasons for breaking up with your ex, and it sounds like you made sure you were doing the right thing BEFORE breaking up.

The tricky part comes AFTER the break up. Things that were clear before breaking up, all the reasons you had, they just become blurry and you miss him so much that all you can think about is the good things you had and how maybe you really should be together. But that's just a defense mechanism, you just don't wanna go through all the pain that being apart from that person makes you feel. In that moment you should remember that you had your reasons for breaking up. You should also remember that there was no way of fixing the problem and that's why you had to end it.

This new guy may be rebound guy or not, no-one knows that. Maybe this new guy it's not right for you and that's all that there is to it. There's plenty of fish in the sea.
If I were you I just wouldn't try to get into anything serious until you feel free to do so. I wouldn't commit to anybody just yet. Just hang out and meet new guys and have some fun.

Answer 2

You need to look at the reasons why you broke up in the first place. If those reasons are still there, then it's just not going to work. Maybe rather than re-bound from one relationship to the next you need to take some time for yourself, get yourself together so that you are happy with yourself, just as you are. Our happiness should not be dependent upon any other person. Work on your relationship with yourself first and foremost.