My husband and i are going through some troubles. He's taken up a friendship with another woman. They text, they IM, when the three of us are together i'm ignored. Am i wrong to say this ticks me off? He thinks its because i don't trust him.
2006-11-18 11:03:22 · 20 answers · asked by Mom2Twins 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She came along after marriage... a mom from the kids school. She's married, we have a great time out as couples, but i just don't feel right about it. when i bring it up he says i'm not allowing him to have friends
2006-11-18 11:10:57 · update #1
I don't think it has to do with trust it seems that you are having troubles and he seems to be happy around another woman that would tick any wife off.
If this is a new friendship than I would see warning bells...If it's an old friendship than you are usually safe they are just friends..
If all of a sudden he's distant to you and attentive to her he's sharing with her and ignoring you than it's an emotional affair.
A male friend of mine said to me that woman and men can not be friends he said the guy usually wanted to sleep with the woman. I do not know how men work but to me I can just be a guys friend..
I think you should talk to him about it like if this was you with guy how would he feel?
Maybe a little counselling would also work wonders.
2006-11-18 11:12:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be "ticked off". The fact that your husband has just "taken up" this friendship with this woman is very "suspect", and the timing couldn't be worse.
I think it's possible for married partners to be "friends" with people of the opposite sex under the "right" conditions. But I see no reason to "encourage" it when you are having marital problems. You may very well "trust" your husband, but I see no reason to "trust" the other female's "intentions".
All marriages hit "rough spots", the key to working past them is communication. Your husband should be working on "your" relationship now, not being "distracted" by his "new" friendship with another female!
You need to sit down and talk to him. Try not to "accuse" him, he will only get "defensive" and then you'll get nowhere. Explain how you feel, if the two of you can't get past this you may need to seek "counseling".
I certainly wouldn't have anymore "three of us together" times! If your husband loves and respects you, he already knows better!
Best of luck.
2006-11-18 11:26:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was his friend before the marriage or after? If after she would be history, she is what is coming in between you too. How would he like it if you had a male friend and ignored him like he does with you. Really either way it goes SHE needs to go. And yes she would tick me off to know end. I have male friends my self that have wives out there and I sure don't do the wife that way. As a matter of fact if I even think that I am coming between them I bail out right then and there!!!! I always include the wife in anything that he is in. I do not believe in cheating in any size, shape, or form period !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does her husband know that his wife is texting your husband and also IM him? This would make me wonder what is going on my self. I think she does need to go. The only time that she should be around at all is when her husband is there with her.
2006-11-18 11:22:57 · answer #3 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask him to end it especially if they met after you to got married. For a guy to have a close relationship within a marriage I would say no this could lead to many other things. You need to tell him that this friendship is hurting you and the marriage and if he cares for you in the least he will end all communication now.
I think it is fine if a couple is friends with a lady but if you are being ignored when she is around then its time to stop this.
2006-11-18 11:13:56 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a lot of male friends although I am married but my husband has become friendly with them as well. Also we are not having marital problems. If it seems they are spending an abnormally large amount of time together then you are probably right. When things are rocky it is also not unusual to feel less self confidence then usual. I wouldn't trust either of them. Go with your instinct. No one is that reasonable to put up with that behavior. Get a guy friend and see how hubby feels.
2006-11-18 11:10:00 · answer #5 · answered by mikey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A married person can have friends with as many members of the opposite sex. However it is questionable if he is only friendly with one person and it might have already develop into something serious.. Ignoring you in front of her is a warning sign. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Stay away from my Husband !
2006-11-18 11:11:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"SHOULD" a married person have a close relationship with a person of the opposite sex? There is no should or should not.
Is the relationship that your husband having with this person of the opposite sex bothering you? Yes...and you have spoken to him about it...right? Well, then he will have to choose to respect that or not. It is okay to have a friendship with a person of the opposite sex...but if the "closeness" of the relationship is bothering you...then he needs to respect that...as your husband. If he doesn't respect that...and chooses to ignore you...what does that say about where you are on his priority list?
2006-11-18 11:18:21 · answer #7 · answered by ladydrea2918 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex. HOWEVER, when the 3 of you are together you should NOT be ignored. That is rude and unfriendly. You two need to sit down and talk about your feelings concerning this lady, and how he treats you when he is around her.
I have a very dear male friend, I fondly refer to him as my best girl friend, and when we all hang out together its as we are all friends. My husband is friends with him too.
2006-11-18 11:11:51 · answer #8 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, you are right. Intimacy is more than sex. There is emotional intimacy too. A man that would never cheat because of sex can be swayed by his emotions.
I had this happen to me when I was married. I got mad at my wife because I thought she was over reacting. Then the woman confessed her feelings for me. I didn't act on it, but it was really hard to let her go. YOU DEMAND that he breaks all ties with her.
2006-11-18 11:08:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From how you describe it, I'd be ticked off, too.
My suggestion would be to do something with your husband that both of you like, such as a hobby. When people have affairs, it's often with others that they do things with and share a sense of accomplishment and comradery with. Try to create that with your husband and see if you can trust him more.
Does he share the messages with you? Does he still do special things with you? If not, I don't know that I'd trust him, either.
2006-11-18 11:07:55 · answer #10 · answered by M H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋