Has anyone had a very bad experience in the swinging lifestyle?

Question

My boyfriend was married to a woman for five years and they took part in the swinging lifestyle. He keeps telling me about how great it was and how everyone learns to manage their jealousy etc. There has to be some people out there who have had very bad experiences with this but I can't seem to find any negative stories about it on the internet.

Answer 1

Hi ?.

I really feel quite awful for you and that your boyfriend is into this scene because, let me promise you, it isn't the kind of thing you want to get yourself into if you haven't actually done it before.

It may seem glamerous and very exciting, but if you would be happy seeing your boyfriend having sex with other women - single and married, then this is what you have to put to the front of your mind. It isn't the same as thinking about it as doing it and there really is a big difference between the two.

I have never been involved myself, but I have known people who have done it and have also seen documentaries on television on it and it really isn't a pretty reality when you look at the husbands and wives whoes lives have been ruined by it. They did it at the time and only later to regret it because of trust issues. There are no boundaries when it comes to this kind of thing and what happens if you decide you don't like it and boyfriend does?

But for you, you won't know unless you have done it yourself no matter what anyone tells you. All I can say is that it is not the best way to build trust between yourself and someone you love and it is an acceptable way of having open affairs without there being any guilt left over. But, and I will say this again, if you can imagine your boyfriend doing it with other women and maybe possibly men, then this is the thing you have to be thinking quite seriously about.

Also, I will share a true secret with you. A man will lose respect for his woman if she is open and willing to do this sort of thing even if he is enticing and encouraging you and says that it won't change his feelings for you - he will lose respect and because he wants you to degrade your womanhood and for a man to want this, means that he cannot respect your womanhood values.

I am not putting your boyfriend down, I am just saying that what he wants for you is not in your best interests and beleive me, once you have done this swinging, you will know exactley what I am talking about. Does he really want you to flaunt and have sex with other men? - why, if he loves and respects you?. I just cannot justify in my own mind, why he want you to be involved in this?.

If he liked being in that scene so much then why has he chosen to be with you if what he really desires, is to go back to this very destructive lifestyle?. Jealousy is rife in swinging and it is the woman who experience this more so than men, so what he is saying isn't correct. People do not switch off from their emotions like that and if they do, they end up quite damaged people by the end of it.

There are many people who have had bad experiences of this kind of life and a lot of them are in therapy. It may seem like innoccent fun, but it isn't at all, by any stretch of the immagination and it sadness me to think that he would relish the though of you joining in with his way of life he still seems to want to be a very big part of the swinging scene.

Honestly, dearest one, please think about what he is asking you to do! - like and love yourself more than this and value and cherish your womanhood with respect for yourself and your body because you are so vulnerable to the rape and distrust that really goes on in this kind of world and that ruins so many people's lives - don't be one of them.

You also deserve a boyfriend who loves and respects you for who you are - not what you could be to him. Intimacy and love cannot be found in the swinging world.

Answer 2

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
Has anyone had a very bad experience in the swinging lifestyle?
My boyfriend was married to a woman for five years and they took part in the swinging lifestyle. He keeps telling me about how great it was and how everyone learns to manage their jealousy etc. There has to be some people out there who have had very bad experiences with this but I can't seem to...

Answer 3

Swinger Lifestyle Stories

Answer 4

My EX Husband and I were Swingers, and as you can see I said Ex Husband. He forced me into swinging, he told me that if I didn't swing that he was gonna cheat. Well we did and I fell in love with another man and left his sorry ***. It is a disgusting lifestyle, that will take control of your life. My Ex was obsessed with swinging and that's all he ever talked about or thought about. We would fight all week long and then make up on the weekends so we could go swing, It became a trade off his night to do what he wanted and my night to be with my boyfriend. It was the most important thing in our lives for 2 years, we lost our company and put ourselves 100,000 in credit card debt. We still might lose our house and we lost 2 years of our children's lives, we would send them to grandparents houses every weekend and during the week so we could party. I have been separated from my husband for 8 months now and I am happy, I don't recommend swinging to anyone, It will ruin your marriage.

Answer 5

They all brag and talk, and they will rat you out to save them from embarrassment if they are 'found out,' and you wont know who knows what about who in your community, where you work, you'll always wonder if someone knows...... And, I don't care what the swinger sites tell you....All you're going to find are men, who cannot seem to produce ~the wife~ in their "couples seeking couples" ads...Most women do NOT even think about sex with a couple, and the younger the woman, the more attention she is getting from males so a couple isn't even on her "radar," I don't care what the swinger sites say. Most women in these couples, are only there at their husbands behest and pressures, I don't care what the swinger sites say. Most of them want to cam, and what this means is, basically, having the husband
'cam' with YOUR wife, while again, his "wife" is always 'busy," or at "work," but he will ask, "cant we do this without her???" We(my wife and I) never fell for that crap. There are two groups, or "cliques" in swinging, the "Ken and Barbie," and the "Harold and Gladys." Ken and Barbie are, you guessed it, above average in looks and shape, while Harold and Gladys are below average and out of shape. Then, there's the "classy" swingers. They believe that "classy" weeds out the "trash." And House Parties? Forget it. Its a sausage-fest, because somewhere along the line, too many guys get tipped off about the party, and your wives are literally chased around by groups of men. Women using have to group together to fend them off. The ONLY time we ever had fun was when we were lucky enough to get a woman for a 3 way. And THAT is like winning the lottery, right there, it just doesn't occur that often.

Answer 6

I don't think you have to look any further than your boyfriend for the answer....after all he HAS a Ex Right? If it was Sooo great for a relationship then why is he still not with her? My advice....don't do this and if he keeps pushing the idea then move on. By you asking this question it would seem that this is something that you are NOT really comfortable with....as most people are not...so don't do anything that YOU do not WANT to do.
Best of luck

Answer 7

Alot of celebrities "swing", they say it keeps them happy. But I feel that EVENTUALLY, somebody ends up catching feelings in the long run. It's every man's fantasy to see his girl get down and dirty with another girl, but a friend of mine ended up LEAVING her husband for the woman he watched her have sex with. Just be careful. There are too many disgusting illnesses out there to be "swingin" around!! Trust your heart, don't do anything you feel is uncomfortable. Lay down some ground rules and consequences for them if they are ever broken. I'm married and i personally wouldn't do it, but one thing you CAN do is maybe broaden your porn collection to facilitate what he's askin' you for. I hope his marraige didn't end because of the swinging he and his ex-wife did.

Answer 8

This should be your "first" clue as to what type of person your boyfriend is and what a future with him is going to be like. See any "red flags" yet???

Marriage is based on "love and respect", obviously those are two things your boyfriend knows nothing about. If this person "loved" or "respected" you, he wouldn't want to "share" you with anyone!

He's being selfish and immature and he isn't capable of committing to anyone. Anytime someone has to look "outside" their marriage or relationship to "spice it up", there is something seriously wrong. Looking "outside" your relationship is wrong and it "never" solves anything.

Do yourself a favor, don't settle for someone who thinks so little of you that he would let other men "share" you! You deserve far better than he's offering.

I

Answer 9

Yes, I had a bad expirience with it. My wife and I were involved in the lifestyle for a few years, and it almost lead to a divorce for us. Because I had thought she was interested in it, and she was only doing it for me, and because of it she's lost all interest in sex. So yes, just getting started in it was a bad expirience. I have since learned to appriciate her, and now I know that I don't need to have sex with other women to be happy, that she's the only woman for me, and I thank God, that we are still together. It's alot of work, but we are working at rebuilding the trust that was lost. One thing for me that's helped is I quit thinking of myself first and started thinking of her. And it has made a huge difference in our marriage.

Answer 10

Surveys show large majorities of people disapprove of extramarital sexual activity. A few studies show people specifically disapprove of open marriages. Critics have put forward moral, medical, and psychological objections to open marriages. The lack of social acceptance places pressure on couples to hide their open marriages from family, friends, and colleagues. This may limit their social support network, resulting in a loss of psychological and physical health benefits.Read more...
Relationship maintenance
The impact of open marriage on relationships varies across couples. Some couples report high levels of marital satisfaction and have long-lasting open marriages. Other couples drop out of the open marriage lifestyle and return to sexual monogamy. These couples may continue to believe open marriage is a valid lifestyle, just not for them. Still other couples experience serious problems and claim open marriage contributed to their divorces. Scientists do not yet understand why some couples respond positively to open marriage while other couples respond negatively. All couples in open marriages may therefore want to pay attention to their relationship maintenance behaviors. Jealousy management
Couples in open marriage expose themselves to situations that can potentially provoke jealousy. Most couples in open marriages report experiencing jealousy at some point during their marriage. Couples in open marriages also experience jealousy more frequently than couples in sexually monogamous marriages. Ground rules are one way to help manage jealousy in open relationships. However, ground rules may not be sufficient. Couples in open marriages may benefit from a general understanding of jealousy and how to cope with it.