I'm wondering in cases of abuse, why is it that the one being abused is always blamed instead of the one doing the abusing? I know this first hand, being abused as a child and being blamed for it by a family counselor and Kids in Crisis.
2006-11-18 10:44:19 · 9 answers · asked by pikachu 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It sounds like your family counselor and Kids in Crisis are pretty ignorant and irresponsible with their words.
I would say in extremely RARE instances is it the abusee's fault...if ever. I mean, the simple power dynamics of abuse just don't lend themselves to be able to say it is the abusee's fault as they are the ones being abused.
As for your actual question, I would think that the abusee is blamed because the abuser taking the blame means admitting being wrong (which many people just don't do very well). Not only does it mean admitting that you, the abuser, is wrong but that you, the abuser, is REALLY wrong, illegal, and kind of a piece of sh*t of a person.
I am firmly of the thought that it is never the abusee's fault, and if it truly is, than that is a rare case. ESPECIALLY abuse involving children - the child is NEVER at fault as children just don't possess the cognitive capacity to orchestrate even making it look like it's not their fault.
Anyway, I don't know why people blame the abusee unless they are an abuser themselves and can't face the facts that THEY are the problem, not the abusee.
2006-11-18 10:51:35 · answer #1 · answered by jr_crime_fighter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's our failing, that's why.
the main reason is that many of the people who abuse in that situation have grown up in society and established a reputation where everybody has confidence and trust in them. everyone believes that they are good people and therefore they wouldn't do something like abuse someone whom they have responsibility for.
i know some cases personally where this happens. the husband is good in all other things except that he beats his wife who is a housewife with no help or support... the UN have released a report which says that they know that at least one in ten students in school have been abused by a member of their family and from the limited nature of their study the true picture is likely to reflect that many more people than that have been been abused.
but in many cases the person being abused has no reason to be believed. this is why when they say something older people would rather think that the child says that because of something the kid has a problem with not basing it on truth at all.
2006-11-18 11:00:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't make sense for a counsellor to behave that way. I hope for others kids' sake you misunderstood them. If they really did blame you, you need to get help elsewhere. I don't know the particulars, but sometimes it's easy to believe that you're being blamed when someone is telling you what you need to do to overcome the effects of abuse. It may impossible to change the people who have or are abusing you.
2006-11-18 10:56:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, I can say it was not your fault. I was abused as a child as well and I know about the blame. People said to me, you provoked it. How can an innocent child provoke such terrible behavior? They don't provoke it. It is definitely the abusers fault, no matter what. Your family councilor sounds like a complete quack.
2006-11-18 12:15:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hassle-free query - Why in Gods call might you even evaluate a companion like this. he can't blame his father, the climate, you, his mom, the solar, his early existence and so on. He could be in charge for his strikes and you're able to be in charge on your stupidity of putting around with this guy. i won't even start to think of the suffering your mothers and dads are dealing with to work out you below the spell of any such detrimental individual. he's excellent whilst he's sober - nicely so what he's meant to be. Being superb isn't something you do each so often even with the indisputable fact that that's something you are trying for all of the time. how are you able to need somebody who treats you like crap - even whether that's barely each so often. i understand you do in comparison to this woman yet - awaken. do no longer project you will no longer die without him as there are a number of people obtainable who're great a great form of the time if no longer all of the time- that's extra suitable than in all threat you ought to die in case you reside with him. an rather Blessed Christmas to you. via the way i'm a male.
2016-10-22 08:02:53 · answer #5 · answered by harte 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone was blaming you, they're not doing their job right. It's not your fault and anyone with more than rocks in their head would tell you so. Trust me - it's not you, it's them on this one. You aren't wrong and it's not your fault it's definitely that of the abuser.
2006-11-18 10:45:34 · answer #6 · answered by c 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It isn't your fault, the blame belongs with the abuser. it reminds me of the of the way people who speak spanish say "se quebro" meaning "it broke itself" or "se me olvido" meaning "it forgot itself to me" rather than take the blame. Don't take it personally, the child is never to blame. Take care.
2006-11-18 11:17:55 · answer #7 · answered by Squirrley Temple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WERE A CHILD NOTHING YOU COULD DO ABOUT IT!!!!!! NOW ON THE OTHER HAND IF YOU WERE A GROWN ADULT AND STAYED IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IT WOULD BE YOUR FAULT FOR ALLOWING IT TO HAPPEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN ...AS THERE ARE PLENTY OF ORGANIZATIONS FOR ABUSED MEN/ WOMEN
2006-11-18 10:50:48 · answer #8 · answered by lita 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont know but it really bugs me
wow i think ur family counselor should get hit in the head really hard
2006-11-18 10:53:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋