Has anyone been so lonely and how have you overcome it?

Question

Hi, im a nice guy, 25 and well educated but I dont know where my life has gone lately. When I was a little kid I had so much friends in school and out. As I went through growing up and going through secondary school, I began to lose friends. I got to college and found I only had 1. After uni (finished 2 years ago) I had none. Just a bunch of people who remember me when they need help.

I don't understand what I must have done to lose them all. I have really really gone on a deep soul search and tried to figure out if Im some how a bad person. I know Im not perfect but I don't understand how I have reached this state.

How do you go about making new friends? Do people find it easy to make new friends in London and where do you all meet new people who become mates?

It seems these days that people are so comfortable in their own circle of mates that its so difficult to make friends because people appear so closed.

any ideas?

Sorry forgot to mention that I do occasionally go clubbing and bars with a 'buddy' but as friendly as I try to be, Im careful not to appear desperate, people seem so self obsessed and closed.

Im doing a language course, learning first aid, go to the gym, do thai boxing, but still cant get anyone to open to me.

Answer 1

I can completely relate to your question - particularly the London aspect - I work there and it can at times look like the whole of the capital is having a party that you weren't invited to.

There is nothing on this planet worse than feeling lonely to me - it can be all consuming. Sounds like you're doing all the right things - good for you for getting out there - maybe you just need to relax a bit and be patient.

I think Guinea Pig is spot on when they say that all these people who look bubbly and like they've got loads of friends could well be lonely too. I think we're all lonely at some point in our lives.

At the moment I'm trying to be comfortable with myself so that I don't have to rely on other people and be needy and desperate. Not only is it unattractive but it scares off potential new friends too. I'm not talking about you here in particular by the way - just making a general point and I've seen myself be needy and not liked what I saw.

So anyway, hang on in there, and while you're being patient - I'm happy to be your 360 friend if you like.

Take care :-)

Answer 2

that's so sad. I think one of the best ways to meet people is maybe join a club. Surely there must be some people at work that you can make friends with? you have to make a big effort initiaally, like going for a drink with them even though you don't feel like it. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you and you're not a bad person. Just sometimes friends drift apart as they grow up, get into different things etc... People are comfortable in their own circle, but i'm sure most think the more the merrier. Good luck

Answer 3

First of all stop looking for friends - think about your likes and dislikes and then join a theatre group or operatic society, or choral society. Perhaps you could help with the Scout Association or do some voluntary work [out of your working hours] to meet people. This may sound dull and boring, but it will help you to make friends without having to try to get in on another circle of friends.

Search on a Yahoo Group - 'Lonely' or something like that - you're not alone - there a millions of people out there like you, so remember that. It's also worth remembering that there are a few million others who appear to be full of bubble and personality with loads of friends, but actually they are very lonely inside and full of inward hidden conflict.

Answer 4

I've been through this, so I know how you feel. I think the answer is to take your eyes off yourself, and look toward others. Volunteer your time. It can be helping others, or just volunteering for a community project. But get involved, and you will find that others are the same way you are, and that you will then no longer be alone.

Answer 5

Join the club baby..i guess you should hang out to places like clubs or parties and places as such..i wasnt comfortable in london at first..i found people were to reserve but hey they werent in sometime of life,i tried to smile at them and they responde back again..i was alwaz feeling i had no friends around but trust me i made one friend and she cares about me loads...rather dan having bunch i have one who is truly more then 100friends arund ..Goodluck

Answer 6

wow. i can so relate to your feelings.

when my husband and i divorced, i realized that all of my friends were actually all of his friends, and i just happened to be tagging along on those night we all went out.

i have a few friends at work, but unfortunately nothing that extends beyond office doors. so i turned to books and video games to distract myself, and have grown accustomed to life as i know it.

i know my answer sucks, but maybe you could use me as an example not to hide yourself and to keep putting yourself out there, so you don't end up like me! you seem like a nice guy, and you are still young.

try not to get discouraged and friends will find you. xx

Answer 7

So many people now find it hard to make friends, its part of modern life that we don't have the groups of friends like we used to have and it does become harder as you grow older.

Answer 8

Well I truly believe your agreat person, Just relax and stop trying and you'll see how easy it is to make new friends.
when you try to hard it feel difficult because your pushing your self and not really enjoying what your doing so my advice is just relax and let it flow.
PS. go out staying in the house dosnt help either.

Answer 9

it's hard to start meeting new people, but going to places like clubs and bars might me ok, but getting involved in some sort of regular activity or club will def get you aquaintances and friends.

hope this helps [=
good luck!

Answer 10

I read somewhere that loneliness is just God wanting a private word with you, I thought it sounded sweet.