When my husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, I could not see him dead and I could not go to his funeral and I have not gone to the cemetary. A few years before he died, I was diagnosed with severe depression due to a car accident so when this happened, I could not do it and I can't. Is this a bad thing? I think I will lose my mind. I have only glanced at a picture of him once and I felt ...I can't look at his handwriting. Is this wrong?
2006-11-18 09:00:24 · 11 answers · asked by phyllis_gene_levy 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Nothing is wrong with you. You are grieving. People grieve in their own way for as long as they need or allow themselves to.
You say you have a history of depression. Well, that could (and probably does) affect your grieving. The problem (if there is one) is how this affects the rest of your life (your present life - not just your future life). As Dr. Phil says.. "how's it working for you?" If it interferes with other aspects of your life, then it could be (or could become) a problem.
Give yourself some time and then, please, go to the cemetery. You need to say goodbye so you can move on.
If you can't seem to move on, then see your doctor. You might need some professional assistance.
2006-11-18 09:10:24 · answer #1 · answered by medimom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not right or wrong. Everybody copes differently. Some people can't stand to be in a hospital and don't visit loved ones when they are in the hospital. Some neighborhoods have grief support groups. You might see if yours does. If not, just talking to a friend might help. You probably don't want to accept that he is gone. It happened quickly and feels unreal! You feel like the whole world has changed around you. Talk to someone and don't judge yourself. Time will help.
2006-11-18 17:11:51 · answer #2 · answered by DebiJo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone takes a loss in a different way. You realize he's gone but at the same time it's like you didn't want to see anything meaning him at the funeral or go to the cemetery where's he's at because you don't want him to be gone. See what I mean? Your just having a time. Take things one step at a time. I mean maybe go to the cemetery to leave some flowers or just visit his grave. Take someone with you if it makes you feel better. Counseling would also be a good idea for you. It could help you to better understand why you are feeling this way. good luck to you ;o)
2006-11-18 17:22:39 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you feel so strongly about this seems to indicate that you loved him a great deal and had a strong positive attachment. For that, you were lucky. Many people never find that type of relationship. It not only says good things about your husband, but it says good things about you as well. Good luck on rebuilding your life and once again feeling some measure of the same type of contentment and security.
2006-11-18 18:11:42 · answer #4 · answered by Daniel C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Denial and I'm not tryimg to be rude. When my grandmother died I kept thinking if I don't go this won't be real. but no matter what honey it is. once you accept that it is real and deal with your grief you will slowly start to feel better. I can't imagine your pain. Ignore people who tell you to get over it you never will, but you will learn to move forward and be happy again because your huband loved you and that's what he would want for you.
2006-11-19 02:52:35 · answer #5 · answered by Heather T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely should talk to a grief counselor. Everyone handles death differently and since you have depression, you already have compromised coping skills. Go talk to someone as soon as possible and get closure. Very best wishes to you!
2006-11-18 17:08:48 · answer #6 · answered by BellyRubz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no there is nothing wrong with you. you just want to remember him when he was vibrant and full of life. funerals are for the living not the dead. it's our way of saying good bye. so don't you worry you're fine. everyone mourns differently. i think that you should go visit his grave though. just for your own sake, you need closure. he's with you though, in your heart. do it for yourself. my deepest condolences to you and yours.
2006-11-18 17:12:48 · answer #7 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are asking this because you think there is somthing wrong with it. I think that you need closure. Once you have that, I think you will feel much better.
2006-11-18 17:03:25 · answer #8 · answered by typhon1991 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHATEVER YOU FEEL IS RIGHT FOR YOU IS RIGHT BUT CLEARLY YOU HAVE SOME CONFUSION GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP DARLING TO TRY AND GET RID OF SOME OF YOUR PAIN.I WISH YOU WELL THERE ARE ALOT OF VERY CARING PEOPLE OUT THERE TO HELP YOU ACCEPT IT AND GET YOURSELF BACK INTO A HAPPY PLACE WE ARN'T HERE LONG TO BE SAD IS TRAGIC,FIND YOUR SMILE I BET YOU LOOK LOVELY WEARING IT,I KNOW IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.GOOD LUCK AND LOTS OF LOVE
2006-11-18 17:10:58 · answer #9 · answered by julie m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1/2 and 1/2...u might be to sad to see him
2006-11-18 17:08:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋