We have been married for 3 years and have a 2 year old who still sleeps with us and causing intamacy problems more with him than me. But it's not that big of a deal with him because he's fine with her sleeping with us. Whereas I want another baby! This is really tearing our relationship apart, but he doesn't know it. I try to tell him but he thinks having another baby is not a bid deal and doesn't want to hear it!! He's not there for me emotionally! I feel like i'm all by myself! He doesn't help raising our daughter, just plays with her!! I want to give him an ultimatume!! Me and another baby or nothing! HELP
2006-11-18 08:53:36 · 10 answers · asked by vetsmom_rgv 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My father died a year ago in December, and my dh didn't do nothing for me. I want to do things but he doesn't try to help me (school/work). We're unstable financially because he doesn't pay the bills on time. He's unhappy in his job! He hides himself!
2006-11-18 09:03:46 · update #1
You and your husband need to work on your marriage before you even THINK about having another baby. Because if you have another baby, the problems with your husband will still be there. And could get worse. Giving him an ulitmatum is probably not a good thing. True he needs to think about you and your feelings more than himself, you also need to think about him, and his feelings before your own also. He needs to be more supportive both emotionally and helping with raising your daughter. Because parenting is a 2 parent job. It takes 2 to have a baby and I believe that it takes 2 to raise a baby as well.
You and your husband need to go to marriage counceling, I think it will help alot in your relationship, and will help you both with resolving conflicts. Because to me it sounds like he's trying to avoid conflict.
Hope that this helps, take care and God Bless
2006-11-18 09:06:16 · answer #1 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that he's not there for you and that he doesn't help raise the baby, why would you want to bring another child into this relationship? Do you think it's going to get any better? Think about it. If you continue to behave in this manner and he gives in and lets you have another child, he will feel as if his feelings are not considered and you just may end up really raising two children without a husband.
Work on your marriage now. Before it's too late. You've only been married 3 years. Marriage is a give and take. Also, you have to take that child out of your bed at night. Your marriage is going to be tremendously strained if you don't do this soon. Just because you have a child, doesn't mean that you ignore your husband.
2006-11-18 17:50:21 · answer #2 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would have to say that you need to work on getting the 2 year old sleeping in her own room. I mean the 2 year old should be going to bed before the two of you. Then do some things for him that you know will get him in the mood. Men liked to be seduced just like women like to be seduced.
You do need to work on your issues before deciding to have another baby. If you think there isn't intimacy now, it will get even less if you have another child. And when you are both ready for a new baby, set a ground rule that the baby will not sleep in your bed. It is dangerous, and it will make the 2 year old jealous of the baby. And you could end up with both of them in your bed.
2006-11-18 17:06:57 · answer #3 · answered by nikic64429 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey if you have another baby it will just cause more problems in your marriage. You will end up a single mother of 2. Babys and ultimatums don't fix marriages. Work on the issues you have right now. Try to talk to him about your intimacy issues. Work on getting your little one in her room so you two can work out your problems alone. If things don't improve then you must make a choice.
2006-11-18 17:12:24 · answer #4 · answered by cutencurley_05 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have read your question and the additional comment. I can almost feel how you feel coz we have gone through similar times during Martial Law regime and after the eruption of Mt. Pinatubo. Those times were terrible.
In spite of the extreme difficulty our family encountered, my wife did not give up on me. In the same way, your family can survive without you giving up on your husband. Perhaps he feels that another baby now will add to your financial burden. Or he might even be thinking of your health because it takes about three years for the woman's body to recover after childbirth.
Try seeing the whole thing not only from your side but also from his. As Stephen Covey wrote: "Seek first to understand and then too be understood."
2006-11-18 17:56:10 · answer #5 · answered by seabug_46 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might want to prepair for the end of your marriage. Why in the world bring another life into the world and you are already experiencing problems. Throw some water on your face and wake up out of that dream you're having.
If he's not taking care of the one you have know, what makes you think he's going to take care of two. Remember, YOU will be raising both of them from your description.
Get some fish or a turtle.
2006-11-18 17:02:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
its not fair for you to give him an ultimatum,.but if u cant both resolve this issue together,. u need to seek a counselor or mentore. u need someone to talk to.. ur first big step,..trying to get ur child in there own room,.......the intamacy will come back just be patient,. u both need alone time and. a great relationship should be built on a strong foundation of hard work,. dont let it crumble away over nonsense,.when ur both ready for another baby it will happen,. dont pressure him.
2006-11-18 16:58:02 · answer #7 · answered by cris 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
having another baby will not bring u closer, it will make whatever problems u have worse. if he isn't there for u than it is time to confront him and tell him the truth, but in a loving way, don't give ultamitume's they don't work. before bringing another baby into the relationship u must fix the problems.
2006-11-18 17:13:24 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you two not talk about how many children you wanted BEFORE you got married? Not to mention the fact that at two the child should be sleeping in her own bed, NOT YOURS!!! Grow up and put her in her own room and don't let her back in yours.
2006-11-18 17:38:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Even your question sounds like mean, unhappy and angry woman. I think it's time for you right now to figure out who you are yourself and what do you want from marriage...Then will come right time to have more babes.
2006-11-18 17:12:24 · answer #10 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋