With lots of edit help from Kiara (by the way I love your name). My hand traced the graffiti on the bathroom wall. There were years of love notes, threats, empty promises, and lies. They covered the wall from top to bottom. Each engraving had been carved by different hands different times. I thought of everyone carving a little bit to make it last who they were to write down their memories. Suddenly something caught my eye. My heart raced as I read ELISE <3 s JEREMY It was roughly carved into the wall not enitierly evident,yet it consumed more space than any other etch. As I read it again and again I kept tracing the heart with my finger. Tears swelled up in my eyes and soon my vision was blurred. My head throbbed with old memories, pounding at me like a wave. I was rembering.rembering Elise. Rembering me. I thought I had trained my mind to forget. I shuddered as I sat, and hugged my knees.It seemed as if I was creating a barrier against my own thoughts. I played with the drawstring
2006-11-18 08:42:08 · 5 answers · asked by Zoey 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
on my tan Capri pants. I could not understand why I was more confused than nervous. What was going on with me? Were my memories haunting me still? Why,Why could I not escape this train of thought?
2006-11-18 08:42:28 · update #1
I need to know your thoughts and what else I should add.
2006-11-18 08:42:50 · update #2
by the way i am not done im not even close to being done but if i think of more ill be sure to put it on here
2006-11-18 13:14:10 · update #3
wow, this got me hooked, i was kinda hoping for more though, add more details to it, but other wise i like it alot!!!
2006-11-18 09:58:11 · answer #1 · answered by nyc_gurl1992 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when u say empty promises and lies and threats and love notes, maybe u could describe the color of each. like love could be pink and threats could be black. describe how the person wrote it. is the writing smooth and curvy or straight and crappy looking? whenever i read something i like to read a lot of detail so its as if i can see it right in front of me.
2006-11-18 16:48:04 · answer #2 · answered by kcbooboo6789 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's kind of busy. leave out the "tan Capri". just say "I played with a drawstring on my pants." your sentences are still a bit choppy, but the story itself sound interesting.
2006-11-18 16:48:35 · answer #3 · answered by she who is awesome 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it just the way it is. Good job!
2006-11-18 16:49:46 · answer #4 · answered by gator girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it email me the rest or istant messenge me at bossgurl013@yahoo.com u can do it tonite
2006-11-18 18:01:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋