my friend needs an excuse to tie her tubes........?

Question

okay i have a friend who is 38 with four kids and her husband is in prison.........he has been telling her that when he gets out he wants to try and have another baby. she does not want any more kids but cant tell him this now (while he is in prison) because he is very jealous and will automatically assume that she is having an affair and that is why she wants to tie her tubes........

...........so is there anything that she can say to her husband to make him believe that it was highly recommended for her to get her tubes tied?? like...they a cancerous or something??........she wants to do it while he is in there and just not tell him.....but she is scared that one day she will get sick or have an infection of some sort due to tying her tubes. and the drs will tell her husband ''well sir your wife's life is in danger because of tying her tubes'' he will freak out and be very upset with her for hiding it this long

so now that you know the story is there anything that she can say??

Answer 1

Why lie? That only makes for more problem. What's wrong with the truth "I don't want any more children" A woman has the right to decide whether her body is to be used as an incubator and your friend needs to grow a backbone. I can't imagine why anyone would STAY married to someone who was so controlling because control only leads to physical abuse...

Answer 2

I used to date a girl who before she dated me told me a story of how her boyfriend before me accussed her of cheating because she was going on the pill. It sounds as if the guy is insecure and doesn't trust her...why is she married to a man who doesn't trust her? Here's what one of my former lovers told me. She got her tubes tied while still married because the children she had were all she could afford it doesn't make sense to have more kids when you can barely take care of the ones you have and your friend is 38. When you get into your 40's your children run a higher risk of birth defects and she runs a higher risk of an etopic pregnancy or miscarriage. Now that i'm married i had a vacetomy and i'm not about to go out and hump every girl i can there's always HPV and that won't hurt a guy but it can seriously mess up a girl. She should due to her age as a precaution because the older she gets the bigger her chance of a baby having down's syndrome or other defects that can be costly. One other fact about the girl i knew who had her tubes tied is you couldn't really tell she just had a tiny scar below her navel. Complications of having her tubes tied are hyperrare she may want to go for an abdominal not a vaginal. Only 6% of women have any complications from an abdominal one but a vaginal one has less harmful complications. She may also want to have her ovaries removed too. He may be thinking that by getting his wife pregnant he's making up for being thrown in the pokey but if this is his line of thinking he's wrong. Women who have husbands in prison do cheat though so if she's not then i salute her fidelity. I took a woman home from the club one night and during her climax she yelled out "You **** better than my husband!" afterward she told me "he's in prison so don't worry." Riiiigghhht. never talked to her again. Sagewithin is right though. The guy is a control freak she should leave him but i'm not naive enough to think she will after all they have kids and a history. It may be best but that is up to her.

Answer 3

She shouldn't be havong anymore kids anyway. Th eolder she is the more risks and complications could arise. She could tell her husband that her doctor said that if she has another child there is a like majorly high percentage that they could both not make it out alive. I don't know...it could work. But she could also try to get on birth control. That seems like its more easier to hide than tube tying. But she may be too old for that too. Sh eshould talk to her doctor about both even about the risks that could arise if she would have anothe kid. Or mayb eshe should just tell the husband the truth. She doesn't want anymore and to look at the future. She would be in her late 50's when the child would graduate. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Common sense, honey.... where is her guts? Where is her self esteem? She's already had 4, and this planet really doesn't need any more from her --- that is more than her share. How DARE she have any more children!!!! would be any comment from any population expert..... Secondly, it's her body, and if she doesn't want any more she doesn't want any more, end of story. Tell her to go get them tied -- It's "day surgery", she'll be home that evening, the 3 sutures she can take out herself if she wants in less than a week. The cost is cheaper than diapers for a year. And no, sweetie, no doctor will tell her husband that "your wife's life is in danger because she had her tubes tied"...What ARE you thinking? She doesn't have to ask his permission, hon, it IS her body...... She should announce it to him when he gets out. This guy is a control freak, and she doesn't even see it.

What does she say? Whenever she wants to, she tells him she had her tubes tied. What is he going to do???? So, after he has his little power snit fit, she can tell him." grow up, you alrealy have 4 children, I have other things I wish to do besides be a brood mare..We have other things I'd like to do than raise children." (Like she could tell him to be a father to the children he already has by being an example for them to follow.... instead of being a felon and spending time in jail....)

Sweetie, they both need to be in counseling for a few sessions when he gets out, and she needs to be there now for a few sessions to find out why she is allowing this guy to run her life, from his goddamn jail cell, for christsake!!!!!!

Answer 5

Four kids is enough, if you ask me. She shouldn't have to make up any excuses, as to why she wants to get her tubes tied, it's her body, not his. She should just be honest with him and tell him that she's done with having kids, don't make up sorry excuses, such as having cancer. With all due respect, when her husband get's out of prison, having more children, should not be his top priority, he needs to concentrate on getting a job and taking care of his family.

Answer 6

Well, I'm no expert on this subject, but it seems that tying her tubes would not be the answer to your friend's problems. If this man is in prison and can't accept her opinions on whether or not to have another baby she should just get out of the relationship. You also wrote that he exhibits jealous behavior and they have 4 children alreaady. She might need professional help to get herself out of this situation.

Answer 7

Just do it. Protect the unborn children from having to have parents like these. Do you really believe her husband will be angry if she's dying? PUH-LEESE If you do, that's reason to have her tubes tied. It takes 30 minutes via laser without breaking the skin -it's not a chop job!

Answer 8

well i don't think you can get an infection from getting your tubs tied. she just go and get them tie and when he come out and want a baby she play along with him and when she can't get pregnant she tell him that she might can't have anymore kids.

Answer 9

wow so your asking how to lie? just tell him she dont want to have anymore kids... that should be enough.. if not tell her to take birth control ... or get a IUD... it is this thing they insert in you to keep you from getting pregnant... it takes 5 minutes and he will never know

Answer 10

if the husband is in jail for murder, i would refrain from upsetting him.

if he isnt a murderer and jut amde a mistake then he is safe.....hopefully. she should talk to her DOCTOR and have him tell the husband something. they can do that.