How do you deal with these issues?

Question

I have two issues that I need help with:

My daughter is 14 and lives with her dad in another state. He has custody and we are divorced. She is not doing well in school and is lonely in life. He says that her habits are bad in terms of getting up in time for school, being organized, cleaning up after herself. I have asked him to send her to me, but he says that she makes a face and does not want to come. He says that I will be helpless in a few years when my parents are gone and I have a ruined daughter on my hands. How should I handle this issue?

The second issue is that a family friend who lives in another state talks okay to me on the phone, but I found out that she told another mutual friend not to help me look for a job. It would make that friend look bad since she is new on he job. She is two faced and I feel very disappointed about it. She routinely gossips about me and my issues to others. I don't know if I should tell her off or just ignore it.

Answer 1

The first and only thing you need to worry about is getting your life back on track...lose the friend that you think is two faced...and call and write to your daughter as often as possible...My ex husband has my son so I know where you are coming from. I don't know what your ex. is getting at by saying you would have a "ruined" daughter on your hands but sounds to me like HE is the ruined one and he has failed to provide her with the love and attention that she needs to grow and feel emotionally confident. Get your self financially stable in your own home and all that jazz...then after a couple of years of calling and writing and visiting as often as you can maybe you and your daughter will begin to rebuild your relationship and find the love that has been forgotten through the divorce...In other words your child needs to know that she is loved! So you need to SHOW that you love her!

Answer 2

First. A child of 14 that does poorly in school, has social problems, is unorganized, doesn't clean up, and doesn't get up well for school has a terrible problem. I call it being a teen. While it IS terrible, the disease generally runs it's course by the time the kid reaches about 18-19. Now, the "friend" A friend like that is a wonderful thing. It saves you the trouble of making an enemy. I suggest that go out of your way to confide in her as often as possible. Nothing real or factual, but I'm sure you can come up with interesting things for her. Things like your sex change, the 25 year old identical twins you are dating, and that job offer from either the mafia, or the cia. Be imaginative. It won't work for long, but have fun with it

Answer 3

!4 year old girls are not easy to deal with You have not said how long you and your daughter have been apart or why she is with her dad in the first place. As for the "friend" who cares what they think. If you want to set an example for your daughter stand on your own 2 feet, get a job without help, even minamum wage will give you a sence of self worth. Then tell your ex all that you have to offer your daughter.

Answer 4

Don't take the word of your husband on this, talk to your daughter or try to get together with her over the upcoming holidays.. see if she would be willing to move in with you and try it out. A girl at that age needs her mom.. her gaudiness and support. Since you are saying you are looking for a job how about one close to your daughter ? Can you relocate ?
About the friend.. I just went through the same thing...the double faced friend.. One thing I would tell you, don't always take the word of another as solid truth.. check it out for your self.. and don't share too much information with friends.. it will .. believe me.. come back to bite you in the ***... a friend today maybe your foe tomorrow... if you are sure that the friend is betraying your confidence and telling your issues.. just cut her out of your circle.. you don't need the headache...Best of luck

Answer 5

first about your daughter, stop asking him ask the daughter how she feels, she is old enough to answer for her self. then take it from there. now for the friend, you cant keep her from gossiping, all you can do is not confide in her. why do you feel that theses people should be helping you find a job? maybe your friend is fed up with you having people feeling sorry for you, and she feels it is about time you stand on your own. i hope you plan on having a job before asking your daughter about coming to live with you.

Answer 6

i dont know how to handle the daughter situation because im only in highschool....but if i had to guess, i'd say ur daughter doesnt wanna go with u cuz she doesnt know what it'll be like...so u might have to force her....once im forced into things, sometimes i end up liking them, i was just too scared to try them....and about ur friend, dont trust her with anything. if she's two faced and gossips about u, shes not ur friend, believe me. when people stab u in the back, do not give them another chance. i made that mistake and the pattern just repeats itself, either notice that pattern, and slowly get her out of ur life, or confront her about it, if u like confrontation....but either way, dont make her a big part of ur life anymore

Answer 7

ok, first with the child issue, tell your ex that you raising her can't be any worse then what is happening to her now. second, get rid of the friend. however, she did have ever right to protect the other friend's job by telling her not to help you get a job where she works if you are one of those people who has a hard time holding a job.

Answer 8

Please do not get married until eventually you recognize one yet another nicely sufficient and extremely are both waiting! people fall head over heels in love, besides the undeniable fact that the ecstasy, exhilaration, solid passions and desires, and severe emotion are very problematical to save up, so finally we commence to go back down, in many cases after round 18 months to three years. If people have pronounced their mutual values, shared objectives, interests, etc., in some intensity (of route there'll be some adjustments, which help in making relationships interesting), and make plans, artwork on their personal progression, etc., this may replace right into a lengthy and delightful courting. If one party feels insecure or low in self observe of, it can make for a tricky significant different. that is ordinary to act at our greatest even as in love, yet marriage contains a good number of self self-discipline, sacrifice, compromise and adaptableness. Teenage & 20s marriages are so very many times disastrous contained in the lengthy time period: that is totally problematical to get to understand and understand others until eventually we get to understand ourselves, our personal desires, etc. that are nonetheless fluctuating somewhat until eventually we are "mature" (in many cases women people in mid 20s, adult adult males mid 30s). for this reason, youthful people' emotions many times decision quite. that is an rather solid reason behind warding off the emotionally bonding sexual sex, because it may so many times bring about serious emotional confusion.

Answer 9

set ground rules for the daughter and let her know what the punishment will be when the rules are broken. and stick with your guns! about the friend , ignore her and you won't be back stabbed.

Answer 10

1- move to the state where your child is living and be her mother
2- ignore it.