How do people deal with arguments?

Question

What do youdo when you and your partner argue? It is usually about the same thing and I feel so pissed off! What's the best way to deal with these things? Forget it and carry on? Sulk? Get angry? I tend to get angry and then not talk for a couple of days but I know this is not the best thing to do really. Any suggestions on how to keep a marriage going would be appreciated. Thanks

Answer 1

It depends on 'the Subject' of the argument ~ or rather 'the standpoint you are both making.'

It's a difficult topic to write about because of various individual factors ~ re ~ How you argue ~ How you behave in it ~ Are there patterns within it ...and so on.

It is very much a matter also of 'Do each of you get listened to,' and 'does each of you feel heard' by the other in there?

Do you make 'accusations' towards the other, because if so, the Other is going to react from a defensive position (having been attacked via an accusation).

'Accusations' are best avoided. Instead, you make Statements about 'How you feel when He does / says this or that,' and then listen to what is said in reply.

When you state what you feel, then this in itself cannot be argued against.

'Relate' might well be an option to consider ...and there are times when I think that many couples should attend them from about 18 months of the start of the marriage as a part of on-going Adult Education.

Arguing in itself is perfectly healthy. What can be Un-Healthy is 'The Way we Argue,' where there lives the idea that one or the other “has to win the argument" ~ which is basically a NEGATIVE mode to be in.

If I win

She loses.

And if she loses ~

We as a COUPLE do not come out the better for it ~

We ‘The COUPLE’ Lose.

In most cases, 'winning an argument' is not a positive outcome for a relationship.

I wish you good luck.
Sash.

Answer 2

Instead of screamming or getting more angry .. count to 10 or 20 depending on how mad you are and try to talk like ADULTS you can raise your voice a little but don't sream all over the place... It is better to talk the problem and find a solution, but DON"T do that anymore it canget worst not talking to the [erson you are sleeping with for days is BAD ,..... try not to go to bed mad because GOD knows what can happend during the nigth at least a hugh and a good nigth kiss will be good to go to sleep less angry.... But comunication is the key for a good marriage... But if you feel that you are so anfry tell him to give you some space to calm down and then speak out !!! GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 3

I think that the best thing to do is to argue and say what you are feeling and then after the argument is over you should just go on with your every day lives and just let it blow over. The more that you dwell and hold it against one another the more arguing & frustrations will continue to build up between the two of you.

Answer 4

learn to listen. arguments will always stay with us. your partner is really complaining about something which you are not doing right,running away won,t help you either as you will keep running for the rest of your life. solve the problem by contacting a marriage councillor, or join a marriage club, they are mostly found in churches. especially if you are going to a pentecostal church. they always have a day every week for advising only marriage people. what to do or how to keep each other happy and so on.

Answer 5

I might sound boring but i feel that when people argue, it's usually on the whole over something trivial. I'm 28 and i have been with my partner for 14 years, and the secret to our success i feel, is down to tolerance, understanding, forgiving, and most of all Love, and learning to recognise what really is important in life. Just my thoughts hope to have been of assistance. Lots of love.. be happy.. :)

Answer 6

Breath in and out your nose 10 times, then take a deep breath and think calmly was there any point arguing over this? trust me its not worth arguing over petty things cos when it biuilds on your partner they will leave you, remeber were in 2006 and affairs are increasing because of arguments with there own partners. let through one to the other ear and out, be the sensible one and dont argue back, hold your tongue see how that goes few timesa. TRy my breathing technique it helps.... also try marriage counselling / or relate????

Answer 7

I wait until I've cooled off to talk about the issue. If I get angry I have to make myself take a time out. It sounds childish but I say hurtful and stupid things when I'm angry so I've learned to keep my mouth shut until I'm not so pissed.

Answer 8

I'm not married or have a boyfriend but when I'm usually mad from an argument with my parents or friends i sit in my room and sometimes i hit a pillow. I know it sounds corny but it calms me down! Sometimes I watch a cheesy movie and eat junk food. Calling up other friends to pep talk with also helps too. When you're done doing that, go talk to your partner..and see what's on his/her mind. Set an agreement or a goal both of you want to accomplish before the next battle starts. and remember..don't go to bed angry! Good Luck!

Answer 9

Arguments can be healthy sometimes, if it doesn't happen often! and really guess everyone deal with it differently,which doesn't make it right or wrong just not physical then is big No, No! if carrier on arguing at the same prob, look how much is positive and how much is negative in your relationship? then see if you can carry on doing it. but who am i 2 tell you, i am single!lol. good luck

Answer 10

First off, I am atheist. You ask an excellent question. It seems to me that many christians are just plain arrogant about their faith. They say that they "know" God, and they think being able to quote the bible is a remarkable and admirable trait. I have never had a problem with people of faith. It has always been people of faith that have a problem with me. They seem more concerned with telling me that I am going to Hell than with their own flaws. I wish more christians had your attitude. Most atheists do not want explanations, especially those that reference a book that we do not care about. Live, and let live.