my friend is driving me crazy?

Question

my friend has been dating a guy for about two years now. they live together with her little four year old daughter from a previous relationship. but lately she says shes having problems with him; not major problems, just like stupid little arguments. she says she still loves him very much... anyway, recently shes been seeing another guy behind his back. the new guy doesnt know she has a boyfriend. anyway i know she really likes this new guy. she says they are "just friends" and nothing is going to happen, but i KNOW she is lying. she has cheated on boyfriends before. i dont know what to tell her, because it is her life, but she is always making bad choices, and i hate seeing her screw up all the time. anyway, her boyfriend is a nice guy, and he cares about her a lot. im thinking maybe i should tell him what is going on, just because this whole thing isnt fair to him. i dont want her to know that i told him, but wouldnt telling him be the right thing to do?

Answer 1

Tell her you hope she recieves the absolute best out of life, that you really care for her and hope she makes the right decisions.

Then advise her that as much as you value her freindship - you cannot condone her actions.

Let her know that as long as she carries on with these deceptions and manipulations you are not comfortable being around her.

Then stop bugging her and wait.

But don't write her off - it really does sound like she needs a freind of your quality to get herownself straightened out.

Also... Telling him serves a purpose if you are trying to get closer to him than you are to your friend.

But then again - maybe the guy needs to know so that he can move on to a woman who will appreciate him.

It depends on how willing you are to lose your girl friend as a friend.

Aw heck - what do I know - single for 10 years... :-P

Maybe you shouldn't be listening to others and trust your own judgement.

Answer 2

Without an understanding of the meds & the reasons for them .. I'd assume from her (you call) shrink ... it's not easy to know which way to go or to look ... but you did bring one idea to mind. You said you were going to walk away as a friend a time back which resulted in her contacing you & begging you to change your mind. Hence ... I'm suggesting she be challenged .. as in .. asking her where her guts are (her courage .. determination) ... & perhaps suggesting that it (the guts) best surface again & help get her out of this glut she's in .. or you're gone. Of course relate quite clearly the reasons for such a decision & have it sound mellow & even empathic (would be that from one who cares) .. point is .. push her to prove she wants a friendship ... I mean if all else in her life is so miserable, does she at least value that (I'd be saying to her)? If so, prove it. I mean .. to have a friend in such a state speaking of horrid endings & conclusions all the time .. enough to drive anyone away .. no one wants to be there to see an end-result (a negative one). She should know that. Might also be good to relate all this to her in a third-person perspective too if you can .. as in .. speak of someone (as if you're asking for her advice) who is a good friend of one who is deep in duldrum land .. & this good friend is feeling pretty stressed out & wanting to just get up & walk away rather than stand by someone too weak & unwilling to help themself. Ask (her) what advice you could give to this friend .. & if she answers, then of course she does know some things she can do. Sneakily, record this .. so she can not later deny saying (whatever) ... cause you have proof (for her to hear) of otherwise. Also if you can, please try having her drink Chammomile (camomile .. there are different spellings for it) tea .. which acts something like Ponstan (for menstrual pain) on the mind .. a 'calmative' not based on chemicals. With honey's good .. but usually doesn't need whitening or sweeteners .. pending strength. If you can, have her drink about seven cups or more a day. There's also a breathing exercise which actually forces the mind into what we call an 'Alpha' state (relaxed state that aids body-repair & does many other quite amazing things) .. breathe in for 4 seconds .. hold the breath 4 seconds & breathe out 4 seconds so each full breathing cycle is 12 seconds .. if she (or anyone) can do that, the brain is forced into the Alpha state & many things will change for the better, especially over a longer time ..but minimum to be effective for one hour, is three minutes of that .. ten minutes is effective for about four hours .. & this is a common treatment aid for many, many things .. even cancer. However, don't do this in the hour before normal bedtime because it does actually increase physical energies too & may hinder sleep ... but if done just before that hour for three minutes, a good sleep & waking feeling much better is a well-recorded event. Also particularly suited for anyone under any form of stress, of course. Hopefully .. anything done or contemplated, would be recorded in some way & told to her 'shrink' .. because it may help that person have a more up-to-date file which not only helps that person .. but any that person may see. Wishing you well.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry that this is the most harsh answer but, two words

LOVE HURTS

That's the way it is, sorry.

You can keep her distracted of something so she doesn't see the guy she is dating behind the other's guy's back. Just make sure she doesn't find out youre a distraction.

Answer 4

you should not tell him if you want to keep her as a friend. she will find out it was you and it will really strain things. However, if you wrote him a note or something not saying ti was you that might work

Answer 5

that's life

Answer 6

stay out of it