I am going through a divorce. My ex and I share a few friends from the past who still want to remain both our friends. Recently, I have been thinking of severing my friendship ties with them because of the hostily that my ex has shown me in this divorce. At this moment, I cannot see myself in the future being friends with my ex whom I once loved and trusted. He tried to trample me down in the worst possible way because of money. I cannot forget or forgive my ex for locking me out of our home and taking our child away from me. I had to go to court to contest this and won.
These people are nice and have been friends for almost 20 years. They have come to my aid and helped me through with their support; they see that what my ex did was bad but they still intend to remain friends with him. ~Can I continue to be friends with people whom I know are choosing to remain friends with my ex without feeling upset?
2006-11-18 04:50:09 · 18 answers · asked by doggoneit 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not all friends are the same people. Very good friends whom you can trust and get along well with are treasures, and you shouldn't let the divorce split you from them. However, if there are friends who you think might backstab you or side with him, let those ones go. Use your intuition and past experiences to choose which ones you will remain friends with.
2006-11-18 08:08:58 · answer #1 · answered by Bondy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There should be No reason why you should cut them out of your life. After all they are not the ones that caused the divorce. Actually they sound like very supportive friends, being that they are not playing you guys against each other. I have remained excellent friends with my daughters father sister after our break-up. Granted we were never married but we do share a child. Yes, it took five years before I could actually communitcate. This is just the worst of it all believe me it will get better and you should keep your friends. As long as they are not gossiping back and forth.
2006-11-18 04:53:56 · answer #2 · answered by pattiof 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Given time, the pain and anger you feel toward your ex will fade, and when it does, you will regret cutting ties with these friends. What your ex did to you was bad, but he did not do it to them, and it is not fair to force your friends to choose sides. Accept their love and support graciously, you need all the friends you can get right now. In the future, you will be happy that you did. People rarely feel regret for the friends they've kept over the years.
2006-11-18 05:06:22 · answer #3 · answered by gatheringplace2002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just went the same path, but didn't have to fight over children..after almost 25 yrs., my ex stold everything & bitter isn't a strong enough word to descibe this divorce,& fighting in court has just began. " Our " friends of 2 decades plus ? They know all he did to me & want to be our friends ? No, they are his partner in crime friends & there is no way to trust them as I can't trust ever again him. Let them go, if they knew all the bad things he put you thru, & find that he's still their friend ? Let them have have him, they'll backstab you & tell him your every move & word you say...good luck honey, you're better off without him & "his" friends, your true friends wouldn't be a part of somebody who tried to destroy you financially & take away your children...sounds like you're ok, get rid of everything to do with him ( except your kids )
have a great day, & enjoy a new life of doing for you, not him...
it feels wonderful to not have to deal with my ex & his mama..
you come home to it being the way you left it, & no hassles the minute you hit the door...enjoy your freedom...don't let the holidays get you down either...hopefully you have family & your own friends...if not, you have your kids...hang in there
2006-11-18 05:16:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Myself I think that I would cut all ties with these "suppose to be friends". I am going through the same thing well kind all but the going through court. An I don't speak with any of our old friends because it only makes me remember that he was someone that I devoted my life and time to and he through it all away.
2006-11-18 05:11:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, because they where there for you, and they have not taken sides, divorce's are in most cases brutal and dirty, the fact that these people refused to take sides says a hell of a lot about them, and they are the type of friends that you need, ones that are there for you no matter what, but don't take sides of personal issues and don't judge others because of them, they are a rare breed, and perhaps it would do well if you swallowed your pride and told them that. i think you will find they will become even better friends.
2006-11-18 05:10:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
let it go sweetie. if your friends were there for you when you needed them, then you are blessed. you can not make them take sides. that's like putting your children in the middle of you and your ex. making them choose who do they love more ,when they love you both. remain friends with them, you don't have to be around your ex.if they have parties and you know hes going to be there , don't go.and if you surround yourself with positive things in your life and continue with the positive things that you are doing now, he'll find out. because he is going to ask "how are you doing ?", they will tell him that you are doing beautifully and he will not have anything bad to reflect on you. they knew he was wrong and they helped you. that is what counts. good luck.
2006-11-18 05:01:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sure. It's always tuff to divide the friends. They wish to stay out of your divorce and wish to value you as a person, so don't push them out of your life. Of course you're upset, he was a jerk, from your letter. But they will look at the friendship, not judge your marriage. And that is what friends are for.
2006-11-18 05:00:43 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They should still be able to be friends with both of you. Just because you can't be around him doesn't mean they should dump him too. Just leave him out of the conversations completely and make sure you all never go out at the same time.
2006-11-18 04:55:45 · answer #9 · answered by Ray 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe anyone who knows what you have gone through with your Ex, and still want to remain friends with you, can be a true friend.
2006-11-18 04:57:53 · answer #10 · answered by lariat_sonata 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋