How do I handle this?

Question

My husband and I have a 13 month old daughter. I have been a stay at home Mom until recently. My husband has always slept in late on the weekends. I asked my husband about a month ago if I could have either Saturday or Sunday morning to sleep in a little. Which means he would get up around 6 a.m. with our daughter. He flat out told me that because I don't bring in an income that I don't deserve that privelege. He told me I have the easy life and that I should nap during the day of I'm tired. When my daughter naps that's when I get so many other things done around the house! He made me feel absolutely worthless and the argument escalated to the point of making me feel just as good as a piece of dirt. I'm working now, 30-35 hours a week. I am afraid of bringing it up again. I am so exhausted! I feel like if I could just have 3 hours to myself on a Saturday morning to sleep in or read that it would make an amazing difference.
How do other families handle this?

Answer 1

easy life ?? he obviously does not have a clue to how exhausting it is to raise kids i have 4 ! and to tell you the truth i did it all on my own although i was married notice i said WAS . i never got any help . deserve the privilage??? he is privilaged to have such a wonderful wife/mother.. also you should point out that the time he would have while you get well deserved sleep would be great bonding time for him and his daughter !!

Answer 2

In the beginning I am sorry to say I understood his point. You were the stay at home mom. He was the bread winner BUT all that has changed you are now working. Your point of view towards the topic should not be my argument because you do not want an arguement but state like he has "I am working". State to him that you are needing some time to yourself release some stress. You would greatly appreciate it if he could take your daughter a few hours every other week for him to spend some daughter/father time and you can have that time to your self. Explain that you would do the same for him if that is what he would like. If he does not agree then tell him because he is not willing to help out with the child he helped creat then he can help you pay a nanny but either way you are overwhelmed with the responsibilty of it all and him being unsupportive to your needs leaves you no choice but to hire one. If that does not work either then I would put him in the position of having to fend for himself. He is a grown man make him do his own cooking and laundry, show him being supper MOM is not easy. Good luck!!

Answer 3

If you are working as well, and bringing in $$ as well, then you are sharing in bring in the $$, he should share in helping with your child, which is also HIS child. If you did not have a job, then his point is well taken (though not nicely stated if what you said was true). If you are a stay-at-home mom, then indeed, the caring of the home, and your child is your part of the bargain. But if you are out there in the work world, then he should willingly wish to help you. No one said raising a child was easy -- maybe that's why so many of us have no kids, or maybe only one...... tooooooooo big a drain on time and finances, and toooo many other places to spend one's time and buckos.

If you wish to get down to the nitty gritty, if you are working 30 hours per week, and he is working 40, add up all the hours in a week, subtract 9 hours each for sleep each day, commute time, etc. and find out how many hours each of you have no committments. Then negotiate that 3 hours.......

Answer 4

First of all, now that you are working and have some ground to stand on, bring it up again honey. You deserve those three hours, if not more. Men are insensative and for some, they think the world revolves around them. It doesn't help if we allow it to go on by not speaking up. You'll never get it, if you don't ask or demand it.

Take it from me, up until this past august, I spent 16 years of my life, working part time, raising five kids, going to school part time, keeping up the house, running the errands and paying the bills. I did it without question because he was bringing home great money, he worked hard and I felt like it was my responsibility (I was raised old school). Well, when the baby finally entered kindergarten this year, I went to work full time. I make more than he does now and for those first three weeks, I was still doing it all while he came home and planted his behind in his recliner as he always did. One day, I just got so sick of it, I called the children and told them mom was going to be home late. My oldest son made dinner for the little ones and dear old dad starved that night. WHen I got home, I told him I was too tired to do his laundry or wash the dishes and I gave the kids a bath and put them to bed, then went and took a bath myself. He came in, thought I was cheating, but I simply told him that we had this discussion about him helping out once I went back to work and it's been three weeks and he has yet to lift a finger. I told him, that unless he wants to contribute something more than a paycheck to this relationship, he can pack up his recliner and go order maid service at some hotel. I don't threaten often, nor do I give altimatums. I think they are to be used in the rarest of circumstances. In doing that, my husband new I was serious and ever since that night, I never looked back. He now not only helps me make the dinner, but he feeds all the pets while I clean up the dishes afterwards. I get the laundry going and he folds it and puts it away while I get the kids' stuff done for school. It's little things, but comparing that to the past 16 years, I'll take what I can get.

Now, back to you...I told you that story, because you remind me alot of myself back in the day. I was too afraid to speak up, I thought I didn't deserve any "me" time, and I was raised to believe you are suppose to do everything for your husband if he's working to support the family. My being afraid to speak up lasted 16 long, tiring years honey....don't be me. It's 2006, in an era of where a relationship is 50/50. Don't be the giver and make him the taker, you'll only be miserable and end up regretting it. Take a stand now, or lose your chance to speak up until you are completely fed up.

Answer 5

Most families do not have this problem..
Your husband is mean, unfair and abusive toward you..
You are his lover and his best friend...
He is to love, cherish and care for your every need...
Do you not willingly and eagerly satisfy his every sexual desire ??
Sounds like hubby has a problem that is going to lead to divorce.
Don't tolerate years of abuse before you get out of an unhappy marriage...

Answer 6

OH hell no! He is her father and he needs to get up and out of bed and spend time with his daughter, not just because you want to sleep in! He is lucky i'm not his wife!

Answer 7

well im not a mother but you'll probably need to hire a nanny or take the baby to a daycare

Answer 8

Maybe you should have discussed this before spreading your legs. your are stuck till divorce.