Too young to live alone?

Question

I am 19 years old and considering renting/moving into a house by myself. I currently live between my parents’ house and a share house, but I find it difficult to stay at either house for more than a few days as I have a tendency to argue and become violent, punching or kicking walls, etc. to avoid hurting people. I like these people; I just can’t live with them. I have tried sorting out the underlying problems, but other people are not willing to make the effort for it to work.

I have a part time job in a department store earning nearly $400 a week, I don’t mind being alone but I will still be close to friends, family, work, etc. I have been described as mature for my age, and I don’t mind what sort of house I live in or things like that, so long as it is relatively close to work.

I feel that moving into a house by myself is the only answer, but people around me say it is a bad idea without giving me a decent reason. Is it such a bad idea? What else can I do?

Answer 1

Whenever a fledgling leaves the nest there is concern over whether they can cope or not. Since you are planning on remaining in the same general area and in contact with family and friends there is no reason why you should not rent somewhere for yourself.

You may find it is easier dealing with the people who make you angry when you dont have to live with them and can just walk away and go home to somewhere else.

Some people do far better emotionally living independantly. You may be one of those people.

You have discovered the hard way that some problems do take two people to solve and the other person does not always want to resolve anything. The only person you can change is you. The only person you can control is you.

It is a mature decision to remove yourself from a volatile situation. I would suggest that you do get some counselling as well just to give you some support while you start off your new life as an independant adult.

Earning $400 per week means you should be looking for a rental that is less than $200 per week so you have some money for other expenses. It wont be easy and you wont have much to splash around on fun things but you will manage if you are careful and a bit wise.

You will need the equivalent of 4 weeks rent for bond and you need to pay 2 weeks rent in advance as well. You will also need money to have power connected and for phone connection. This means that for a $200 per week home you will need to have saved $1300 minimum to get you started.

If you do not already have some furniture you can choose to buy just the absolute essentials to begin with and add other things later. Check the trading post newspaper each Thursday and read the weekend paper classfied for garage sales to pick up some bargains.

Most of all just take a deep breath and go out there and have yourself a big adventure! And enjoy the process.

Answer 2

First and foremost, while you may be very intelligent I would not say you are very mature for the reason you stated that you get violent and punch walls etc. I'm not saying it's wrong. A lot of people go through that stage. Image for a minute if you will, if you bought that stuff that you break, you might still break it, but would you still be so quick to break it. It's not a bad idea to live alone, especially if you get a nice pet or something; Whatever angers you in the first place with these people, you should see if they're really making you mad or are you just making too big of a deal about something that they don't view as important. I do know that there are some people who intentionally antagonize people, if that is the case, whatever they're doing, act like you don't care what they're doing, then they'll stop, or they'll get worse and then they'll stop. You say you like these people, if you like them you wouldn't think of hurting them or their stuff. I went throught the same stage only by around 17 it was gone; but I got married at 16. I'm 21 now and have two kids. People described as very mature too and I believed it too. But then now that I've quit all my teenage crap, I can see that in fact, I was not mature, I was very advanced in intelligence. It is very good to live alone, you will get where you want to be faster. You won't have to worry about people so you'll have more time to do what you want. Then by the time you're ready to settle down, you have everrything else taken care of, you'll already have a house, you have a job, etc. Good luck, I typed far too much already.

Answer 3

I assume that you realize that these anger issues are serious and I hope that you will seek counseling to help deal with them.

I moved out of my parent's house at 19 when I got an apartment with a friend. This was probably the worst possible thing for our friendship and he turned out to be a complete slob and I am a rather clean person, I can understand why you would want to live on your own.

The main problem I had when I lived alone was being lonely. I planned carefully so that money would never be a problem but I find it very depressing to be at home with nowhere to go and not being able to look forward to someone else coming home. I'm a very solitary person so I wouldn't have expected this to be an issue.

Consider all the reasons that it's difficult to live alone: Financial, social, etc. and if it still seems like a good idea, then try it. Get an apartment and see if you like being on your own. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

moving out os more then just rent, put together a list of youre earning anf youre expenditures such a food, utilities, car, ect. im 18 and live on my own and i can tell you right now that living on youre own is nice, but its VERY hard to keep up with everything, especially if youre in school. Try finding a roommate that you dont even know, someone whos not a friend and rent a two bedroon apt, it may be a little more but you never have to see eachother and between the two of you it will be less rent in the long run, you can also split food bills and things.
Just make sure you have enough money, thats been my biggest issue.

Answer 5

It is very expensive to live alone. Try saving money and going to school. The more education you have the more money you will earn. If you focus your time and energy on school rather than the people you live with, you will be a happier person. When you finish school and save some money then find a room mate and move out.

If you want to move out you need to save money for a security deposit, then you will have bills to pay like gas & electric, rent, car insurance, food, phone, etc. Plus gas for your car, car repairs, food and what ever else you may need. Let me give you an example. I pay $790 rent, $50-$100 electric, $45 phone & internet service, $100 full coverage car insurance $50 cable plus food, gas for my car, and $235 car payment. Can you afford an amount close to this alone? Check the prices of rent for apartments around you and see if you can afford it.

Answer 6

It's natural for a person your age to want to move from the nest and try being on their own. Try sharing an apartment with another girl. It will be a good experience. I am sure your parents want the best for you, however sometimes children don't live up to parent's and there expectations. You sound mature, maybe some college courses are also in order.

Answer 7

Moving out won't solve anything.

What you've described is YOUR response to others around you. In life, at home or on your own, there will be people who don't act the way they should - or the way you'd like them to. They're called "everybody else in the world besides yourself". There's nowhere to live to avoid them all.

What you need to do, and all that anybody can do is to learn to control yourself. I'm not saying this just to tell you to treat them well, but because learning to control yourself is what maturity IS. It's doing what needs to be done, even when that's not what you want to do.

Successful people come from a variety of backgrounds - rich parents, poor parents, divorced parents, alcoholic families, etc. What they ALL have in common is self control and discipline.

I spent 9 1/2 years as a juvenile probation officer, and saw many kids rise above their situation. But I saw many more spend their time running from it, and running from other relationships later too.

The bible tells us to honor our parents so that things will go well for us in our lives. It's not for any benefits our parents get out of it!

Answer 8

19 is not too young to live alone. BUT, is that what you really want? Are you ready and willing to take up the additional responsibilities that come with living alone? eg, you got to be prepared to pay for EVERYTHING, including rent, water, telephone, food, toiletries. You have to do ALL HOUSEWORK. You wash and iron your own clothes, you sweep you mop the floor, clean the toilet, clear the trash. You got to deal with your emotions ALONE. Each day you go back to a empty home. The lights were always off. The rooms are always quiet. Are you ready to deal with all these?

If you truly love your family and you know you have a tendency to violent or get frustrated, would you consider learning to manage your anger/ frustrations? You might be right that other people are not putting in efforts to make things easier for you, but it could be you that make their efforts futile. The source of all problems might be you. You might have made things too difficult for them to get along with you..

I used to feel unhappy at home and i felt that everyone is out to make life difficult for me. And i was about your age when i felt that way. Over time, i learned to appreciate my family members and i knew they will protect me and will go out of their way to do things for me. And that is because they love me.

When my brother and dad go crazy over little stuff, i tolerate them. I am occasionally nasty and rude, but they tolerate me too. All the time, I constantly remind myself that i must be nice and tolerance. Sometimes, tolerance is a way of loving.

I can stay in my parents' home forever. :)

Answer 9

19 isn't too young to live on your own, but you might want to consider shared accomodation (living with roommates) instead. Having a lease on a house when you haven't lived on your own before could be stressful, and so can furnishing the house and figuring out how to live on your own at the same time.

Shared accomodation is often rented on a month-to-month basis rather than leased, and you don't have to furnish the place. On the other hand, roommates aren't always easy to live with. They could be great, or they could be terrible.

Answer 10

nothing wrong with having your own place at 19. go for it.