when it comes to relationships mother/daughter do actions speak louder than words.. here's the thing?

Question

my only child 16 walked out of my life because she thought a 10.30 curfew was pathetic i've never been violent with my daughter we've always had a close open relationship or so i thought.. She'd just settled back into sixth form in september we'd sorted all our finances out i'd just completed my college courses so i could go back into work.. now she's living down the road from me with a really bad family that have told so many lies about me.. they've only been in this area for less than 3 years they're from a whole different part of the country.. My daughter has allowed these people to ruin my life and reputation.. my daughter has walked out on all her possessions and her pet dog who's 13 who misses her like mad.. when i try and talk to my daughter these people become violent and arrogant towards me it's like they've brainwashed her.. I don't know how to feel about my daughter anymore i've had to sell my car i'm on the verge of losing my home and everything i've worked hard to achieve

In the uk neither the police or social service will intervene at 16 she's classed as an adult and can make her own mind up

It was a 10-30 curfew on school nights as we both had to be up early the next day for work/school

Answer 1

Your daughter is still a minor, so these people who are getting violent towards you are wrong. You go to the police, tell them what happened and that they won't give you your daughter back. You get her back into your home and love her.

Answer 2

In Scotland you can get married at 16 and therefore the police / social services would not intervene.

As you daughter is at school though I think 10.30 during the school week is pretty reasonable.
My daughter is almost 14 and I expect her to be in the house no later than 9.30 if she is not doing any after school activities.

Personally you should leave your daughter where she is and get on with your life. Don't let her ruin it anymore. She will soon find out how important her mum is.

As for you life and reputation being ruined, remember that you have friends who know what kind of person you are and will stand by you no matter what is said.

Answer 3

so sorry to hear that. It must be hard. I'm not a parent but speaking from experience my mum was quite liberal and i knew her limits. i didn't have a cerfew after 16. But at the end of the day if i was in late i was the one who would be tired going to school. i did it once but then the novelty wore off. She's 16, not an adult but not a child. she'll soon get bored when she's tired and most of her friends aren't out. there is no excuse for how she's treating you. just tell her to come home for a chat so you can sort things out. give her more leaway so she can't rebel.
good luck

Answer 4

I think that your curfew is reasonable, however, its difficult, as at 16 years old, CHILDREN are classed as adults and for an ADULT 10.30 is quite early time.

This is the sort of thing that drives me mad as, at 16 at that sort of time in the evening there is nothing for them to do - they cant afford to go the cinema every night (which is the only thing that I can think of that is a half decent thing to do at that time of night, actually, its the only thing I can think of that is open at that time of night!!) - so they all seem to congregate on the street, being loud, showing off and often drinking. And what makes it worse is that as they are 16 and they are classed as adults there is nothing the police can do - in my area a curfew was imposed that anyone under the age of 16 would not be allowed in the area unless accompanied by an adult - which was a load of rubbish as it was never enforced by the police and also, the main problems are with the 16+ so there was nothing that could be done when these KIDS where outside your house screaming at 11.30pm at night. (except for tell them to f**k off outside their own mothers house and shout their f****ing mouths off there.

Its stupid that these CHILDREN are classed as adults in the eyes of the law but they still act so immature and have so much to learn in every respect - they are not responsible enough to be allowed out at that time of night and its only made worse by the fact that there is NOTHING for them to do, so they hang around the streets, hormones ablaze!!!

Im sorry for the 16 year olds who arent actually like this, but get tarred with the same brush.

Maybe you could offer her a comprimise, catch her on her way to or from 6th form where she wont be near that awful other family and speak to her then - offer a comprimise, but dont give in totally or she may think that she can get away with whatever she wants - maybe start by saying that she can stay out until 11pm for a few months and you can both see how that goes etc and then go from there.

Good Luck

Answer 5

As much as I disagree with most laws pertaining to the personal lives of free people, I suggest that you use the law in order to get your daughter back. At 16 she is still your responsibility, and should be living with you, and as for your reputation being ruined, that's nonsense, your rep cannot be ruined by morons nor a dysfunctional daughter, so toughen up, and if you really want your daughter back, then fight for her in every legal way possible. Your cry for help, so to speak, has been heard, and I'm sure that you will soon receive some help from family and friends...

Answer 6

It does not seem like anyone read that she is an adult in the UK at 16 and therefore not a minor and free to do as she wishes. In the US young people may move out at 17 not 18 as many people would like to believe.

Answer 7

All you can do now is pray hard! She's at an age thats real difficult for everyone. She's growing up and thinks she knows everything. I would let her know I love her, give her advice when I can, and force myself to try and back off some. I don't know your whole story so it's a little difficult.

I practicly moved in with my boyfriend at that age (who did any drug you can think of). My mother prayed constantly and was very loving to me, and kinda stayed out of it, with her advice there ofcourse. That lasted a few years. Now I'm married to a wonderful man, whose NEVER done drugs, and had her first grandbaby who she sees almost every day! And we have a wonderful relationship (we work together too now) . Getting out of touch with your kids happens to most families I see. I hope it works out well for you in the end.

Answer 8

me and my mother have arguements all the time, but i cud never walk out on her...!!
it sounds really like a lame excuse for walking out - curfew!! :o
tell her u ll compromise but only wanted her safe..
also try and be with her mentally and not only physically
try and talk to her patiently at a time when she isnt with that weird family.
u cud take this to the police.. as i am sure u have rights over ur own daughter than them..
tel em ur seriously scared about their influence on ur daughter..
tell her ur ready to compromise as long as she is...
remind her tat it is family that counts and sticks with u not strangers... ! tel her watever uve done so far has only been for the best of her - college ur job.. so that u and her can live like a faimly together and happy.. sure there will be ups n downs but its better to get thru probs tgther instead of includin strangers
tell her u miss her and want her back.. try n make her understand! i wish u all the luck :)

p.s - those ppl rnt allowed to touch u - u show em whos boss
dnt let them hurt u!

Answer 9

I trust you action are louder than words and to inform you the truth even contained in the bible it says do not choose others yet i wager narrow minded human beings only examine what they want.human beings throughout the time of historic previous have fought for rights and freedom of expression and that i imagine all of us want to appreciate that. all of us fee our freedom why would we take that from someone after we are not keen to offer up ours! Its not a one way street it impacts us each and each and every of the biggest project is being first rate human beings and that is reported contained in the bible and our change. I only wish that quicker or later we would comprehend that do not do to others what you does not want performed to your self see even the bible proves them incorrect!

Answer 10

She's still a minor & therefore you should be able to call the police & explain to them that she isn't in a safe environment! If they don't help you then you need to take matters into your own hands and call social services.

Answer 11

i think 10:30 is a bit harsh on someone in six form.
my parents let me out untill 12am when i was that old so i can understand why she feels caged in.

as for the family she thinks they are what she needs. you have to ignore her for a bit. she is nearly an adult so you need to be less protective of her. when she notices that you arent bothered about her she will
wonder why and start to come back to you. she might be angry so expect this.

you say the family are abusive and are violent towards you so maybe you should ring the police if they do it again. tell the police they wont give you your daughter back and you are worried about her and that family wont let you see her.