I was with this guy for 5 years. We broke up for 2, but were best friends throughout. Got back together this year & want to get married, but I'm nervous. (btw, the reason we haven't gotten married before now is that we wanted to finish school & now I've gone to grad school so I want to wait until I'm out of that). Anyways, I love him and want to be with him...but marriage is making me scared and I distance myself from him and act weird. Is it normal to be nervous even though this is the person you want to be with? Maybe it's 'cause my parents got a divorce out of the blue that really affected me....anyways....
2006-11-18 02:07:37 · 14 answers · asked by it'sjustme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is a big step, filled with undertainty. It is normal, but you are doing the right thing
2006-11-18 02:09:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As I read, I was going to ask if there was something that made you uncomfortable that you weren't aware of but then your last sentence answered that. Coming from divorced parents, I can understand the extent of your fears. It is quite normal to be a little nervous because marriage is a huge jump. You are committing your life to another person.
The secret to keeping a marriage longlasting is to continually work on keeping it good. The reason that marriages end out of the blue is that there wasn't the work to keep it going. Any relationship takes work and marriage, since it is between a man and a woman - by nature different and different needs, takes much work. But it's worth the work. It's worth the effort. I would highly recommend a couple of good books - His needs, Her needs, Love Busters, and Five Love Languages. Those three books are really great foundational books for marriage.
Also, don't be afraid of counseling and don't wait until things are so bad that it is trying to bail the marriage out. Get counseling when things are over your head. A session here or there can help tremendously in preventing divorce later on.
2006-11-18 03:00:40 · answer #2 · answered by meoorr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very normal. Prenuptial jitters are very common for both men and women. With what you have been through both with him and in your life and you are still together speaks volumes about the relationship.
You've gotten through some very trying times already. Marriage jitters are just part of the equation. You don't say that you are put off by anything he does. You only say you are nervous about getting married.
Besides. What is the worst you could do? End up divorced, this is how we correct marriage mistakes. And you will never know if it is right or wrong until you've been married for a few years.
You know him best. 5 years together is plenty of time. Go for it and live together for a few decades, have 3 great kids, and grow old together already.
2006-11-18 02:16:07 · answer #3 · answered by my_iq_135 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jitters, pre-wedding concerns, is he the one thoughts, and a little nevousness is normal. If you are having these thoughts along with "he cheated on me once, will he again" kinds of things, well, thats not normal. And should be a warning that you need to take your time and be really sure. Some people get them way before the marriage actually takes place and a number happens as it draws nearer and some, up to the minute they walk down the aisle. Just be sure what you are feeling is normal, if it followed with any thoughts as to his or your character, beliefs, cheating, lying and so on, then you have every reason to completely examine those before continueing. If not, just try and talk about them to him or a trusted married friend. Your parents sudden divorce could make anyone pause. Good luck to you and your love!
2006-11-18 02:33:41 · answer #4 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is normal, for some of us more than others! I don't know if it is a commitment phobia or what. I had doubts and part of me wanted to run-even all the way down the aisle! For some reason, I never was SURE until I said the vows! That has been well over 20 years now! I think some of us are naturally skiddish. I only went through it because I DID want to be with him & loved him. That was enough!
2006-11-18 02:14:43 · answer #5 · answered by life coach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jitters are normal. It will be a completely different life for you when you are married.
Maybe you could try talking with him about your fears. Or, try talking with an objective third party. That may help you to feel more calm.
Its a stressful transition for anyone so take it one day/ step at a time.
2006-11-18 02:14:12 · answer #6 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you always need to listen to your intuition, and I'm not convinced that you'd be asking the question if you didn't have reservations.
One more thing...
If you've been having sex with him to this point, this is not a good way to enter into a marriage, despite what others think.
2006-11-18 02:09:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jitters is fine, but wanting to run away is another thing. Assess how you feel and don't let this "joyful" time get ruined by irrational fears.
2006-11-18 02:17:15 · answer #8 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the most normal thing in the world. The best thing to do is just to go along with it.
2006-11-18 02:09:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jitters is perfectly normal. One thing that will probably help you feel more confident about your decision is some pre-marital counseling.
2006-11-18 02:09:20 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋