it started to change when are son was born. i could tell it was sex and not passion!!! he works alot and sometimes i dont have sex for 2 days or a week. i see that he really isnt intrestead in me. i have to talk nasty or give oral sex to get him to notice me.
2006-11-18 01:50:19 · 13 answers · asked by ~K!MB3RLY~ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can only speak for myself. After my son was born, I felt he needed more of my wife's attention than I did. I became less demanding on my wife in the bedroom not because I was less attracted to her. It was because I want her to be more focused on my son than me. In other words, I felt our child was more important than my desires. After about two years, our sex life when back to normal.
2006-11-18 02:05:07 · answer #1 · answered by Overt Operative 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is one of life's greatest mysteries. It seems that both men and women want what they don't have. Usually after having children the wife is the one that becomes less interested because of all the added work and now she is a mommy. So the husband feels left out and wants sex more than ever.
In your case he has lost interest and so you want it just as much as always. There are as many reasons why this happens as there are men. Each of us have different sexual needs. If is generally felt that men always want it more than women. But that is not all ways true.
You feel something is wrong because he no longer seems attracted to you. There may be nothing.
Only he has the answer. And he may not fully understand it either.
If he is not having an affair...easy to know...then for some reason when you became a mommy you were no longer his sex kitten and his desire changed with it.
One thing to know. If a woman wants sex it is a very rare man that will reject her. You may have to continue to get him going but is that so bad?
Ask him the same question you have ask the world. He may not be able to tell you but then again he may be able to. Talk to him.
2006-11-18 02:34:56 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In some relationships, children change everything and the relationship needs to be "renegotiated", so to speak.
One thing I think you need to ask yourself is why do you attach such importance on sex being an indicator of his interest in you? Why do you feel that oral and talking nasty results in being "noticed"? Seems to me that you are a little too needy in this area, and that can be a turn off.
You also say that he works a lot. Being tired and needing to get up early the next day do not exactly inspire passion in either male of female. If he's more attentive to you on the weekends, I'd say that maybe "weekday sex" is just not something he's going to be very good at due to his work schedule.
Finally, sex changes over time in marriage. It is rare that a couple go through marriage with exactly the same sexual needs and attitudes. There is need for constant adjustment. The key is communication. You have to talk these things out, calmly and lovingly.
Good marriages require time and effort. It'll all work out.
2006-11-18 02:36:34 · answer #3 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kimberly, this isn't that bad of a problem. It is a problem, and I think it's great that you want to attack it before it gets to a big one. Weird thing is most men don't need a reason for sex, just a place and time. As the comedian said "you wanna? There's a commercial!" I think you have been doing good at trying to fix the problem so far. To tell you the truth, one of the other answerer's had a good point to work out and tighten up. If not for your hubby, for you. I also think that you need that special time with him, in romance. Sex is good, romance is great. You need to teach him romance. Believe me, us guys don't learn this too quickly! Some time in the near future sit down with him and cuddle and talk about this. Ask him for his advice. We love to give advice. Just do me a favor, ask him to think on it for 5 minutes before giving his advice. We men jump to giving advice so fast sometimes we don't think first. Good Luck Girl!
2006-11-18 02:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree- what's wrong with oral and talking dirty? You gotta do what you gotta do. But, on the other hand, your relationship with your husband is evolving. So does your sex life with him. Both you and him should not expect to be mindlessly horny all the time. When you try to force it, it makes it more frustrating. Realistlcly, you have to be satisfied with sex maybe only 2-3 times a week. But it's in between times when you have to put in the effort to make you husband attractive to you. Wear sexy clothes, work out or go to the gym, talk dirty, flirt with him, fix yourself up, tease him, walk around the house with a t-shirt and no underwear,....you will see an improvement.
2006-11-18 02:09:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I am a woman but I have to answer this question to help you.
The answer from "Submit to Her Feet" was a bit brutal but very true. For the most part, men want "a freak in the bedroom and a lady in the street."
People get married and forget that they need to continue doing exactly what they did to get the person in order to keep the person. Men and women both forget to tend to their bodies, dress, mannerisms.
I don't know if you are old enough to remember this quote but "Never send your husband to work in curlers." At work he will see a plethora of beautiful women. You should be on the forefront of his mind.
Keep it interesting. Give him surprises. Buy a "How to Strip" DVD and practice in secret. Then when you are ready, unleash what you have learned. HE WILL REMEMBER THIS FOREVER and each time it will make him desire you.
Leave love marks where he can see them while at work (not in tacky locations, ie the neck). When he uncovers this part of his body during the day and sees the marks he will again desire you.
When you do all of this and are ready for less freaky love making, tell him while he is between your legs, in his ear, "Make love to me slow this time." He will obey your command.
Essentially, reverse it, freak him the way he wants to be freaked and you will get that romance you desire. Make him crave you.
2006-11-18 02:06:00 · answer #6 · answered by cunningprose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest with you that really sucks. I am positive that it will probably get worse after you get married. you should sit down and figure out why you sex life has suffered maybe take some time and tell him what turns you on and what he should do to make sex more fun for both of you. experiment and make it fun again. I am sure everything will work out. good luck
2016-03-19 10:30:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men get fatigued, fearful that you may get pregnant again or just lose interest. Do what hea wants and it will bounce back to him. Husband and wife should have 0 inhibitions in the bedroom. They should be willing to do anything to make their partner hot. That's what love is...doing for each other.
2006-11-18 02:57:13 · answer #8 · answered by Your #1 fan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweety in his mind you have become some ones mommy and he sees u as a mommy . I really don't have any advice. Its like when tony sopranos psychiatrist asks him y he has a mistress and he says that she can do things his wife cant and then she asks him y his wife cant blow him and he says its because she kiss his kids with that mouth. Who knows what men think and how they get to their conclusions
2006-11-18 02:01:15 · answer #9 · answered by Chillypepers 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
alot can cchange in a man after kids and marriage,,,maybe you should tell him how your feeling and try to show him that you need passion as well as sex,,,,,ive been married 11 years and 3 kids,,,us men just go thro phases,if you love him youll have to steer him the way he needs to be,,,msg me if you wanna talk,,,im a good listner
2006-11-18 01:55:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋