Do women age faster if they are alone?

Question

I am divorced and have been for 3 years. My ex was controlling and abusive. He has custody of my child who is 14 and lives in another state.

My child is not doing well in school, so I asked my mother-in-law to send my child to me or persuade her son to give me custody of the child. She thinks that it would be better for me to come back and work with my ex to set up my house and be together as a family so that my child has both her mom/ dad with her.

She said that women age faster when they are alone. She really feels for me. She has a companion now and says that I should have found one in the 3 years that we have been divorced.

My ex does not want her to talk to me because he feels that I am not a good person - cause problems to everyone around and am not dependable.

I wonder if I should give any weight to her words. She seems to build her ego on me sometimes. She says that her strong point is communication while mine is that I don't talk enough.

Answer 1

Your child is old enough to let the courts know which parent she wants to live with. You need to ask your daughter where she wants to live. Since you are in separate states, your daughter can choose to spend all or part of her summer with the non-residential parent. Communicate with your child's school. Tell them you have concerns. Ask if it would be possible to enroll her in the after school program. Our schools offer academic support from 3 to 4 Mon thru Thurs. My son is required to attend academic support. He can choose to stay for the activity afterwards or come home, but he has to get his homework done during academic support. His grades, s l o w l y, are improving. He is 13. Talk to your child about this program. Call her every day even if all you say is , " Hi, Mommy loves you!"

Your MIL doesn't see the controlling, abusive man you lived with in her son. Her desire is for her grandchild to have an intact family. Understand her feelings, and do not let them influence decisions you already carefully made.

Women age according to their family history. Stress can bring on all kinds of things that are not kind to women. On the other hand, independence and self-assuredness bring health. Knowledge that you can make a right decision and handle your life issues responsibly brings security. Health and security help foster the qualitys of youth.

You should not have found a partner in just 3 years. Your MIL does not comprehend the time involved in recovering from abusive relationships. Heal yourself. Bring yourself to independence. Build a foundation a long-term relationship can be built on. Find in yourself the person you expect your future partner to love, and nurture that renewed person.

Your ex has no say in your relationship with your child's grandmother. Maybe instead of asking grandma to send your daughter out you could ask her to come along. Let her see the progress you make, and the good things you can offer her grandchild. Sounds like MIL may be missing you, too......When folks make comments regarding his opinion of you just say, "Yeah, he says that a lot." and drop the subject. People who know you already know you. They don't need his opinion to help them determine your worth.

As far as whether or not you don't talk enough.....that is an individual trait......if you don't talk and she does then so the better for you guy's relationship...since she likes the floor, and you prefer to listen.

Take each day as it comes, continue to move toward the person your future partner and yourself will love and enjoy. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. Share yourself with your family. Count the blessings you have now. Life finds a way.............

Answer 2

Communication isn't the amount of words used, but the impact of the words used. If you don't talk much, big deal! Some people are quiet till the needs come to not be quiet. I once heard a great quote for people like us.

"A fool talks because he wants to say something, a wise person talks because they have something to say!"

I am sure that your Mom-in-law is meaning well. I'm just not so sure about her wisdom. What I am hearing is that she thinks YOU made a mistake in divorcing your ex. You may have, you may not have. Personally I don't think anyone should divorce unless the other has cheated sexually. So yes I'm kind of siding with her on this one. But to say that you age quicker alone than as a couple???? I just don't know. Stranger things have been true. However, what's to stop you from getting a pen pal? A date for the prom? Or whatever? Who says you are lonely? My only advice is to ....yes go back, but on your terms! You can't be demanding here. You need to be wise in your approach. Men who are controlling won't give up control too easily. Just set up reachable ground rules and try to work in repairing the relationship too. Good Luck Angelina, You are either in for a rough but rewarding ride, or as you Mom-in-law implies a new wonderful beginning.

Answer 3

NO! Women who are controlled and abused age faster.
I was in a controlling, abusive relationship and I got out when I was 23. I didn't have any serious relationships in the last 12 years because I didn't want my daughters to go through any more drama. Anyway, I'm 35 and people always guess me in my early -mid 20's. AND I met the man of my dreams this year and am engaged.
I think you need to learn to be alone before you can set-up the boundaries and expectations of what you want in a relationship. At any rate, anyone who is controlling & abusive is not better than being alone in any way!!!

Answer 4

I have to know, why would you ever leave a child with a man that is abusive in anyway? If he was a good day and provided for the child then maybe--put why leave your child there was a person that needs help.
Trust me, the relationship where the guy is not abusive, works and comes home every night are still hard. But add the stress of a man that things are never good enough for then you have yourself wanting to jump of trump towers.
Get closer with your child, move there if you can and work on picking up your childs self esteem self worth.

Answer 5

Sorry, but I think your mother-in-law is feeding you a load of crap.

I know A LOT of women who choose to be alone, and they act younger. They say the feel free and happy being single.

I say your mother-in-law is trying to manipulate you. Your ex is your ex for a reason. If he was abusive and controlling, stay away and enjoy your time to yourself. Tell your mother-in-law to mind her own business.

And if your ex was controlling and abusive, why do you put stock in what he says about you?

If you feel like your child is struggling, talk to a lawyer to see if you can get a change of custody.

Answer 6

women age faster when they are alone : so NOT true the strain and stress of marriage and kids would age you faster then being single. As for the rest don't try to work things out with a controlling and abusive man to please someone else. Do what needs done for your child the rest is water under the bridge. it's always best to be in a strong loving relationship work towards that no matter who it is with.

Answer 7

Well i remember my grandmother telling me that 25 is "old maid" lol. But she got married when she was 17 and times were much different. I would NEVER reccomend a 17 year old get married these days. But now women are doing their career thing and exploring their interests and getting married later and later so i really dont feel that theres an age where you become less likely to marry. The right time will come. And for everybody thats different. I married at 20 and to alot of people thats considered too young. But i know what i want in life and im alot more mature then alot of my peers so im confident in my decision. Its different for each person. 25 is DEFINITELY not too old to be married and whether you get married now or 20 years from now...DONT RUSH. Marriage is SUPPOSED to be for life so if it takes you until your're 100 to find the right one, then dont feel bad

Answer 8

I think that it doesn't matter if you are alone or not. The only thing that matters if you are happy. Knowing from experience, some people I know who age beautifully are because they are happy. They don't even look their age. So ask yourself if you are happy? If not then try changing something in your life that makes you unhappy. Maybe by you changing and showing others your brand new confidence and how happy you are. You won't age and maybe your ex will see that too. And let your children spend time with you because of your new attitude. This is all of my own opinion, what really matters is what is really inside of you and what you really think.

Answer 9

This is going to unpopular advice, but if humanly possible, I would consider going back, IF your husband hasn't been unfaithful despite all of his other faults and if you know he's not going to harm you physically and if you can come to agreeable terms.

I'm a firm believer that the only reason for a divorce is if your partner is unfaithful, although separations are in order at other times.

Give it another try if you're at all able. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

I don't think women age faster when they are alone.

There are studies, however, that show people who live by themselves live about three years shorter than those who live with someone else.

Personally, I think a woman in a disasterous relationship would age a heck of a lot faster than if she was alone and free!