I found out that my husband had an affair,is there hope for my marriage?

Answer 1

Well, it takes 2 hands to clap. Does he still want the marriage? Do you? If either one is hesitant or unsure, it's time to say goodbye to the pain.

Answer 2

I guess in order to answer your question, I'd have to have answers to some of my own, based upon the experiences of others (friends, family, and from my professional experience working with a counselor).
1. WHY did he have an affair?
-Were there problems in your marriage? Are these problems solvable? If there were problems, why did he chose to screw around rather than confront you with them?
-Is he an immature jerk? If he's simply immature, then counseling may help. Unfortunately, no counseling can de-jerkify someone.
-Does he think monogamy is 'unrealistic' or that 'men have a biological imperative to have sex with as many women as possible, so he's doing what comes naturally'? If so and you don't want to have an open marriage, then you need to kiss the guy goodbye.
-Does he have an addiction to porn?
I cannot tell you the number of marriages I've seen ruined by an addiction to porn that causes a desire for sexual activity too 'dirty' to ask a wife to do, so they seek it in prostitutes or tramps-for-free.

2. Are YOU a person who can forgive and trust again or are you a person who, if their trust is betrayed, can never give it again?
I'm NOT saying that one is better than the other, but it is important to know what type of person you are. For me, I know that I cannot forgive a betrayal, in part because I truly do believe that if someone's betrayed you once, they'll do it twice. Therefore, I wouldn't waste my time trying to forgive and make it work because I know that in the end, I could never trust them again. You may be different.

So, I think you have to ask yourself those 2 questions -- why did he cheat and can I truly forgive and go on -- and you'll know if there is hope for your marriage. Good luck.

Answer 3

That depends on why he had the affair.

Did he do it because he is an amoral bastard or did he do it because he is starved for affection? A lot of women choose to make many things a priority over their men. We aren't robots, we can only take so much, we need love and attention. And if we are forced to go too long without it from our wives then we may seek it from somewhere else.

If he did it because he was affection starved then only you can determine whether or not there is hope. If he did it because he is a philanderer, then he WILL do it again.

I had an affair once. My wife at the time chose work over time at home, vacations, anniversaries, Christmas, thanksgiving. She decided that sex was no longer important, she preferred to stay up and watch TV rather every night rather than share a bed with me. For two full years I begged her to spend more time with me, to choose our marriage but she had her priorities. For two years I flat out told her that if she didn't start showing me affection I was going to seek it elsewhere.... and she ignored my warnings.

I absolutely should have ended the relationship before I got into another, but I didn't. What I did was wrong, but I was so desperate to feel loved.

Turns out that I married the woman I had the affair with and we now have a very loving and committed relationship. Her priority is our marriage. There isn't a woman alive that could tempt me from my marriage. I still occasionally bump into my ex wife who immediately forgave me for the affair and resulting divorce. To her credit, she took responsibility for her actions. The sad thing though is that she re married, she still chooses to work 6 days a week, and her current marriage is on the rocks.

Answer 4

Yes there is but it's going to take a lot of time to regain trust, if that's what you really want. My husband had an affair with a coworker, I found out, he told me it was over until I found out it wasn't, They both had a lot to loose if they didn't stop. I left him had an affair of my own, did everything in my power to hurt him like he hurt me, but in the end I was only hurting myself. Everything I was doing was to get back at him, that wasn't really who i was. We had a home, 2 children lots of friends, we talked and talked and everyday that man prooved to me how very sorry he was for what he had done, and little by little the trust came back and I'm more in love with him now than I was then.. Be patient you can have it all back. Good Luck

Answer 5

If your husband is honestly sorry about the affair and not only sorry he was caught; with counseling opening communication, him searching the real reason he did this and confront himself. If you are honestly able to put this to rest not bring it up in the future when your angry then you will have a shot at this. Keep in mind that forgiveness can be reached but the forget part is not possible. We say forgive and forget yet we are humans with minds, our minds have memories so it is not that we are able to forget as much as we are able to put it to the past look toward the future and not reopen old wounds. Good luck

Answer 6

There is always hope as long as both of you are welling to make it work. He has to be welling and to be honest that this is over and he is done with this person. Your trust for him is going to be very hard and it does hurt but you can make it happen. First thing is you need to get away for a weekend you need to think about what you want stay away from him do not talk to him go to a friends house what ever. If you still want him to be part of your life then you need to get a shrink or a marriage counselor. You can make it work. It is his fault not yours. Good luck

Answer 7

If you are willing to live with knowing this happen to you in your marriage......Couples do get over affairs and are happy.....Its up to you and your husband to learn how deal with this.

My mom said after 40 years....if my dad ever had an affair...she would stay with him. She said their have a great life together and everything else out weighs his mistake!!

Good Luck to you and your Husband!!

Answer 8

Hope in what way? If you want to continue with your marriage you will, but if you feel its impossible then better leave him. Maybe you need marriage couseling? Ask him to come with you to discuss the problem of why he needed this affair.

Answer 9

Yes there is hope but it takes alot frm both parties. I went through something simular....We started individual counseling and marriage counceling...He also had to give me time to grive over the loss of trust. I was very angry but he understood why. He paid his debt by dealing with me during my "angry phase"...Also he must take responsibility for his actions and NOT BLAME YOU...also you dont need to blame yourself either. It will also depend on how strong you and your relationship was before. It doesnt happen overnight.

Answer 10

Hi! Yes there is always hope, now he has to prove himself to you , he broke the trust, and that hurts,I have been there, the best gift and councilling that I can suggest for you is God, he hates a broken heart, and wants to mend it, He cares, and wants to lead your life, it really works, God is awesome, all you have to do is invite Jesus into your heart.....may God bless you and hold you in the palm of His hand.