help!! my fiance ....?

Question

hurt me last night real bad he left scratch marks and horrible looking marks on my neck and face. leading up to this is as follows... i have been stressed out about finances and since we moved in our new house 2 months ago he has had friends over everyday and i just wanted some "us" time last night, but it was his friends birthday and he wanted to come over, i said no. enough is enough! im tired i have to work tomorrow and dont want company. we argued and i ended up throwing a ceramic mug and plate and boke them both, my 1 1/2 year old was in the next room and heard it and came running and crying!! thats when he lost it he tackled me and started choking me bad and now i am at work with a turtleneck on and i am trying desperatly to hide these ugly marks on my neck and face! this has happened before but only when we get in real bad fights, wich has been only 2x before. we have 4 kids and he is an absolutly great man to me.. with the exception of this we have so much together what to do !

Answer 1

DO NOT MARRY this man. I hope you have confidence and the boldness to get up and leave now.

You should try getting some counselling from a Pastor at a Christian church. They are very helpful and free of charge.

I Pray the best for you & your children.

God Bless!

Answer 2

"we have 4 kids and he is an absolutly great man to me.. with the exception of this we have so much together..."

If you hadn't added this at the end of your explanation, I would agree completely with everything else that has been said so far.

However, it would seem that you are both really committed, even though not married, to each other. The only hope for this relationship to be "healthy" is for your fiance to get counseling for anger management. Something flips a switch in his brain and he loses it.

In order to "save him", you might have to turn him in to the local authorities before he gets it. If he doesn't rationally accept the fact that he has a problem, you have no choice but to call the police and report it.

Everyone is in danger here. Your 4 children are learning from a terrible roll model. You are physically in danger of being killed - accidents do happen, you know. And, you may be subject to having your children taken away when neighbors contact Social Services with all of the domestic violence that they see.

Don't put this off. Take time off work if you have to. THIS IS SERIOUS.

Answer 3

It's hard leaving someone you love, even if that person is abusive. The connection is even stronger when kids are involved. However, the safety of you and your kids should come first. Spend some time apart and let things come into perspective. Really, being beat up once is too much, and he has done this 3xs to you and emotionally scared your kids. If you want to stay with this "great man", then make sure you all seek counseling. In addition, anger management classes are also in order. Don't become a statistic, get help now.
Good luck.

Answer 4

It is probably very hard for you to deal wit hthis because you love your fiance so much. You live together have a son (which i don't know if it's his son). But you should never accept any man hurting you, it doesn't matter how much you love him. Yes, couples fight but he should never ever choke you!!!

I would kick my fiance out if he would even try something like that. I'd call the wedding off. I do not want to live with someone wo wuld hurt a woman like that.

This will not be the last time you will get in a fight and he will try and hurt you again and again. Think about the consequences. You've seen how your son reacted!
I am not trying to tell you you shouldn't be with him! But you should talk to him about it, show him what he did to you. Tell him he hurt you phisically and emotionally.

Hope i helped you at least a little bit! And hopefully you'll mnake the right decision.

Answer 5

This is domestic violence and you need to contact the police
you should not put up with this charge him with assault and get out be glad you are not married run and run far get a restraining
order as well if he puts his friends in front of you then he is not worth the time of day you deserve better. God Bless and Good Luck. NO Man is great that abuses there wife or GF my wife and I have had spats and she has thrown stuff at me I would never consider any thing reason to hit or abuse her period he is a controlling as s that you let walk all over you.

Answer 6

It will only get worse. HE CHOKED YOU! How is he going to control himself enough to not do further damage? It's so complicated because you have children, but they will remember these bad times and it will impact them enough to make them choose bad relationships. I don't think this is a healthy relationship because he physically puts his hands on you to inflict pain. Get some counseling and don't marry him. If you marry him with this anger problem, he will think he owns you and you and your kids will never truly be happy again.Some people never learn how to control their anger, I hope your fiance is one of those few that can change. Follow your gut, you know it's not good because you're on here asking advice about it. Listen to what your mind tells you, don't let your heart keep you in a relationship where there is domestic violence.

Answer 7

He's an abusive man not worth trying to fix. You need to get yourself out of that situation, he's a walking time bomb just waiting to go off. You are not responsible for his temper and physical abuse toward you. It's really easy, during a fight, he can just walk away and not touch you. Any may who hits a woman is a true loser, get yourself out, call the police and get a restraining order on him. There is absolutely "no" excuse for his ugly behavior.

Answer 8

i hate to talk bad about people i don't know but his actions say a lot about him. a man should never hit choke or hurt a women like that and the fact he waited until your son came in shows what type of man he is. would you want your children to grow up to do that to women or even you? that is what your guy is teaching them i know you love this guy but it will only get worse after you wed. take your children and go next time he might not stop at scratches and choking next time you might not live through his assault!

Answer 9

I think that this is a legitimate question...
Why are you here looking for people to be more concerned about your safety than you are?

We live in the information age. By now EVERYONE knows what an abusive relationship is, EVERYONE knows that they escalate, and EVERYONE knows that raising children in such a situation creates little girls who grow up to be battered women and little boys that grow up to be abusive men.

We live in an age where women have the FREEDOM to choose their own partners. They are not sold, they are not arranged.

He doesn't respect you, he will obviously screw you, and beat you but not commit to you in marriage, not choose you over his friends, not behave as a MAN / HUSBAND / FATHER should behave.

I really don't know what you are looking for... You obviously don't want to do what is best for you, but what is even more frightening and sickening, is you don't want to do what is best for your children.

Answer 10

Sounds like you both need to calm down! He shouldn't have touched you but you shouldn't be throwing things and escalating the situation either. What great role models you two are being! keep it up and someone is going to get hurt and you could get your kids taken away.