i am finding hard to face my parents telling them about my love,what should i do?

Question

i am a graduate.i love a boy who is having a job.he is stable financially.i want to marry him.he is also serious.i love my family too but i dont know how to tell them about us.i fear as they may say no to this marriage.he is elder to me by 9 yrs.but we are very much sure that we will be happy.he is not belonging to my culture.please tell me the nice way how to handle this.which will help me to keep everything balanced.how i can avoid hurting anyone.please help me.

Answer 1

Be strong and do not show emotion if they try to make you back down. You have to live with this man, so its your decision and you have to live with it. I am sure that your family only wants you to be happy.

Answer 2

Just saying 'I'm going to marry someone' would be a bit of a shock. It sends out messags such as 'I can't talk to you'. They may see the secretiveness as a betrayal of trust.

To get round this, you need to start slowly, with 'I've met this nice man, can I bring him round to meet you?'. Let them make small-talk and get to know him slowly.

You may have to tell a few little white lies. When they ask 'How long have you known him', you just say 'Not long. We've been on a few dates'.

You say that you are from different cultures. Make a list of any concerns that your parents are likely to have, such as 'Which religion will any children be brought up in' and decide between the two of you whether you have definite ideas about it or are undecided or open to your parents opinions.

Add to the list any other aspects of your life that are going to be affected by the cultural differences. Does you marrying someone from another culture or bringing up children in a different religion affect you parents standing in the community?

How many and which languages should the children be taught? Let your parents contribute to the discussion.

What type of schools would they go to?

etc.

If you're from different races, there'll be the issue that your parents probably thought you'de marry someone of the same race and that any grand-children would look like them.

Take things slow. Your parents are entitled to an opinion. Whether or not you must obey your parent's wishes or make your own decision is something you must decide.

Answer 3

My sister was in a same situation. I told her to just walk up to them and tell them. They were not very happy at first, but eventually the baby's came and her love started coming around wheather they wanted him to or not. Now, we are all one big happy family. Remember, love only comes once! If they care about you at all they will let you live your own life how you want to. Sometimes we have to hurt the ones we love when we find that one true love. They love you though, and it will take time if you do hurt them, but then again they might be alright with it. Tell them straight out how you feel and that you really truly are in love. Then, either let them meet him or wait for a while depending on how things go. I hope everything works out.

Answer 4

Angelina, I don't mean to be deceiving, but I find that parents accept someone better if they are involved with the courtship, from beginning to completion. This is what you do.... Tell your parents you really like this guy (no need for names yet) but he doesn't seem to notice you all that much. Then ask THEM, how do I get him to notice me? Parents have a need to give advice. It's inbreed into their Psyche, they will always want to help their children, especially if they come to them first! What ever the advice is then tell them it sounds great and you will try it. Next day come screaming into their room saying it worked, it worked! Now, you can introduce this guy that THEY helped you get. How can they turn him away when THEY had a hand in helping the relationship start? Hope it worked for you as well as it did for me!

Answer 5

He should be a man, not a boy forst of all, and if he is 9 years older than you, all the more so. I take it he is not from your ethnic or cultural background and that your parents would prefer that. Well, this is America, and in AMerica, we have a lot of blended families. Your parents, while mindful that you are giving up some of that cohesion that ethnic and cultural sameness can bring, are not always what we want. Be sure that you also understand they will be missing some of that with you, if your husband doesn't embrace that aspect of your families heritage. Although, when we are young, we tend to think everything that parents want for us is old fashioned and just too not us to do, we find when we have children later, we prefer some of the older and slower ways those traditions, heritage and sameness brought us while young, we then want it for them. But if you have a partner with a different set of backgrounds, cultural, and ethnicity, who will be the decider? Can you incorporate these things together? Are you agreed, al least for now, what might take place in the future? Is your bf agreeable to that? Are you agreeable to his? Parents tend to want that smae backgound for their children and any perspective grandchildren, both for comfort and for feeling a part of things with them, and they don't want to see either struggle to be accepted, either by society in general or by themselves. After all, if you pick a mate they despise, when would they want to be invited for dinner? Or would they be invited at all, if your spouse knew their feelings. The trick is to get both to accept one another for the things that made you, the special one to both of them. My suggestion would be to tell your parents that you are not seeking a mate that is a carbon copy of them, but with maybe some of the same endearing qualities, such as compassionate, loving, kind, respectful, financially stable, planning for a future together of happiness. If they agree, maybe bringing him as a date first, so they can used to him would be wise. Then maybe for the holidays you can step up the heat, and let them know its more than friendship, then more than ordinary love, and then that you are considering marriage. By having left them out, for fear of what they would say, you are in essence having been saying "I can't trust you to understand why I dating this man, because I see through your eyes his shortcomings to you". Not really mature thinking, but well, half of might have done the same. Since your parents haven't had the luxury of adapting to this man/boy for the time you have, they will be at the beginning, very resistant, and knowing that you knew that too because otherwise why would you have continued secretly? Adults take responsiblity for their actions and are willing to stand up for their feelings, beliefs and judgements. Children will do as their parent tells them to do or as their parent wishes them to do, becuase they are still children. So the questions should be, how much longer will you be a child? How soon will you be an adult? If not now, when will you be grown enough to make your own decisions? Hopefully, soon, as you have the potential to lose both if not handled correctly! Good luck my dear!

Answer 6

If your parents love you, they would want you to be happy. If that bot makes you happy, they should understand and accept. At least they should try to. If you are very much sure that you would be happy then go for it. At least find out if you will be very much happy. People get hurt sometimes, try to be gentle and understanding, maybe talk and listen to make hurt feelings and or fears ok.

You can't avoid hurting anyone, part of being alive I think. Just try not to.

Answer 7

Just make a date for you, him and your parents to get together and meet and chat.Just tell them you are dating someone you want them to meet. When you do that, they will know you are serious about him. Prepare a nice dinner for them. It isn't all that difficult. You may be surprised that they aren't as averse to him as you think they might be. Parents mostly want their children to be happy, although there are concerns if they see that someone may not be good for us. That is a chance you will have take. Good luck

Answer 8

invite everyone out for dinner and that way they all get to know each other in a peaceful environment. It will be less stress and everyone can talk.

Answer 9

if you are having a hard time introducing him and telling your parents then you are not old enough for a relationship

Answer 10

I don't think its right that family should keep you from someone that you are in love with.