My girlfriend and I are only 16, she's nearly 3 motnhs pregnant. We've decided to give the baby up for an open-adoption since we want to be involved, but know we can't support the baby. Lately she's been really tired and irritable. I want to help her, show my support and love for both her and the baby. But its hard since I'm still reeling from learning of her pregnancy-(hint: birthcontrol doesn't always work) Any tips?
2006-11-18 01:05:53 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
First off, I just wanted to say that you are making a very wise decision by giving your baby up for adoption. Your girlfriend is going through a lot right now. She is having to deal with a lot of changes--physically, mentally, and emotionally. What you need to do is reassure her that you are with her and are going to be there when she needs you. This is going to be a long journey for the both of you. I hope and pray that you both have the strength to make the right decision for you, your girlfriend, and your baby. I wish that everything could work out so that you could keep your baby, but if you are sure that the two of you would not be able to support your baby, it is a very wise decision to allow a family the opportunity to raise your baby. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and we are not able to have any children of our on. Earlier this year my wife had to have a hysterectomy because of some medical problems. We hope to one day adopt a child or baby. Adoption is a wonderful thing and by giving your baby up you would be giving a family a wonderful gift, one that they would not be able to have on their on. I hope that when the time comes you will have the strength to do what you need to do. Please take care of your girlfriend, she needs you.
2006-11-18 03:00:34 · answer #1 · answered by jjodom1010 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well what you are already doing ie.loving and supporting her is really all that you can do for now. For a 16yr/o you are dealing with this very well and I commend you for it as I am sure your whole life has just been turned upside down. I am 35 and pregnant with my sixth child and I am still finding pregnancy difficult.
Just remember that while you are scared and shocked by the prospect of having a baby your girlfriend is feeling the same way and she has to endure the physical and emotional changes her body is going through.
The important thing is not to panic and to support her in every way that you can, if you are going through with an open adoption remind her that you do not have to think about the financial burden of the child leaving you both to concentrate on delivering a healthy baby together. Make sure she is eating enough and getting enough sleep as her energy levels will be much lower than normal.
Stick by her trust me you being there for her is 90% of the battle.
Best of luck.
2006-11-18 01:13:08 · answer #2 · answered by strictmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read some books on pregnancy to understand more where she is coming from, what she is gong through. There are hormone issues with pregnancy, and I'm sure being a teen (going through THAT set of hormone issues) compounds it. I was a DEMON in my third pregnancy, and I just couldn't help it! Let her know that you are there, that is sooooo awesome of you!! And KUDOS on the VERY UNSELFISH decision you made!!!!! Oh, I just realized, that may be weighing on her, too. . .knowing that she'll be giving birth to this baby and then giving it away. Wow. That is alot for you guys to have to deal with. I will keep you in my prayers, pray that you stay strong and lean on each other for help and support.
God Bless you and your girlfriend. I know people that have adopted, and they are just the most greatful people on the planet. . .when a married couple just CAN NOT get (or stay) pregnant, a newborn is the BEST gift they can ever get. God will bless you two for this. This is God's plan; despite the protection you used. (Kudos to you on that, too!!!) Your baby has a reason to be here! Things to do, things to accomplish! You and your girlfriend are the vessel used to bring this baby to earth.
OK ok, off my soap box.
If everyone were as responsible and unself as you and your girlfriend, this planet would be a much nicer place.
xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo
2006-11-18 05:20:42 · answer #3 · answered by misskenjr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a relly nice person, but you need support too. Where are both your parents in this situation? Her body is changing almost on a daily basis, and there is nothing on earth to equal the exhaustion of the first three months of pregnancy. Her hormones are all over the place, she doesn't know what's happening to her. This is hard enough to deal with if you are a mature woman with a husband, a home and everything going for you; but in your case, with you both so young and having no prospects, it's just that much harder for her than you.
Keep up the support and the loving, let her know you are always there. You are both showing great maturity in discssing adoption at this stage. Continue, and be confident in yourselves. Best wishes.
2006-11-18 01:21:28 · answer #4 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her hormones are going to be out of whack due to all of the changes she is going through. My pregnancy was like PMS for nine months so be sensitive to her feelings and if she snaps at you just remind yourself that she is going through a lot and her hormones are the reason she has been irritable. You have every right to be feeling the way you do as well since you are the father. The best thing to do is to talk to her, communicate about how you are both feeling and perhaps go see a counselor. Check your local listings because there are a lot of free counselors for couples in your same situation. Also get a few books to read so you can understand more of what is going on with her and her body as well. A suggest the K.I.S.S book for pregnancy and what to expect when expecting. There are also books for fathers that you can read. Good luck to both of you, this is a difficult time right now and make sure that you both have support for it.
2006-11-18 01:12:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure her hormones are a little off right now and you are both trying to digest this news. You need to talk to your parents and hers and see if they will support you in your decision to raise this baby. If you are set on placing the baby for adoption, you can contact a local agency or adoption lawyer locally to help you.
Agencies will provide services, but your choices as to birthparents will be limited. If you choose to do a private independent adoption and work with an adoption attorney you can pick the birthparents of your child and have more say in the decision.
Take time and talk to her about all your options. Right now, she may not feel well, so don't take her behavior personally. Good luck!
2006-11-20 14:58:12 · answer #6 · answered by Joanne D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you guys: One of the few lots of teenagers here that actually used contraception but it didn't work! Bloody hell. Anyway, firstly, if both your parents dont know what is going on, then you must tell them. Look, theyre gonna be pissed, because you two are only 16 but eventually they will get over it. they really dont have a choice! I think it's a huge decision to make that you have decided on an open-adoption, but you think it is the right decision, then go for it. Honey, her hormones are everywhere right now, and it's going to get worse. Just give her space if she needs it, and let her know that you love her and will do what it takes to help her. From what you have written, I would say she loves you too, but it's an emotional time for both of you, maybe she is irritable for this reason. There must be an immense amount of pressure on both of you.
You sound like a really decent guy, I hope your girlfriend realises how lucky she is to have you, because most guys your age would have run a bloody mile. Please do tell your parents though if you haven't already. They might surprise you!
My best wishes to both you and your girlfriend. GOOD LUCK!
2006-11-18 02:37:57 · answer #7 · answered by melfromhell001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is a little too late to wear a condom since she is already 3 months pregnant. You need to sit down and tell your parents. They will be a little upset at first, but you two can't do this without the help of your parents. The next thing would be to get a job. I'm not sure if you two plan on keeping the baby or giving the baby up for adoption, but if you plan on keeping the baby it will be expensive so you will want to start saving up now.
2016-05-22 00:40:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Billy, what a nice guy you sound like. You and your girlfriend are in a jam but what a great solution you have come to...I am sure it is tough on both of you right now but just think how happy you will make someone who can't have biological kids and have been waiting for years....god bless you both. ( I am not against abortion and am not a right to lifer...in the middle, it's up to yous guys)
She is irritable cause she is going through hormonal he**....the first 4 months are the worst....just try to hang in there and be supportive, right now she can't help her attitude, I feel bad for both of you, this is not an easy thing.
If you are sure you wnt to be involved w/the baby and the adoptive parents, be SURE you get it in writing. sorry, am legal eagle and if that is what you want be sure you get it.
It is going to be hard for you and her when it is time to give your baby up, be strong and think about the well-being of the child.
Yeah, birth control doesn't always work...but even if it was w/o birth control, don't beat up on yourselves, you didn't plan this, you are not bad people, infact you sound like really good people,what you are doing is, well, ballsy!!! good for you.
Just be nice to her, don't think she is mad, she is just extremely hormonal. Don't forget yourself in this process, you need support too, I hope you have somewhere to get it.
Good luck to you both and god bless.
2006-11-18 01:25:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all i know birth control don' always work i was 17 and got pg for the first time,the condom dont always work and if your on a antibotic and using the pill my daughters son was born that way smart dr forgot to tell us the antibotic would wipe out the pill . But i understand where you are coming from ,you made a beautifull baby inside , and if truly want to keep this beautifull child you created then where theres a will theres a way my husband at the time made 3.50 a hour we had rent,gas and lights.water food diapers,meds to buy and car ins and gas but we made it i wont say it was easy but we knew we was having a baby so try hard to keep it .my 15 yr old step daughter is due dec 9 and she is keeping her baby but what ever you do ill say a prayer for you and ur gfrind and baby that it will go to a loving person who will not mis treat the baby good luck
2006-11-18 01:17:50 · answer #10 · answered by sleepyhead and babykins 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋