i feel psychotic. i took him back but im constantly wondering. he fooled me into thinking that he was spending all that time for his son..this happened in 2004 but it still hurts so much cuz i have to hear about her all the time. his son is 12y.o. & has a good understanding of whats going on..which makes it awkward for the both of us at times. im livid bcz i know she's still in love w/ him & would probably wait until time stopped for him. he says he loves ME & has never loved anyone else more than me that the past was a serious mistake. they were sleeping 2gether & i found out cuz she contacted me..she thought me & him were broken up...she suspected that we werent. We're trying to build a future 2gether but he has a good relationship w/ his son & sees him & his mother at least 3-4x week. my boyfriend and i live an hour away from each other so the distance is also added stress. the past year & a half has been good...but its when he deals w/ her that my heart continues to break. help...
2006-11-18 01:01:10 · 15 answers · asked by Hopeless 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Wow.
You're in a hell of a situation. You can't keep him away from her due to his son and from what you've said she's just looking to take him back.
First off, he's shown that he's not trustworthy. He has a lot to do to build your trust again. Don't hold it over his head, but make sure he knows he blew it big time and you're being very forgiving to have him back, especially since that woman will always be in his life.
Second off, have a good think on yourself. Is this guy really worth staying with? Is he worth the pain you're going to go through? That woman is always going to be there and it sounds like she's still got eyes for him. That's going to be harsh for you and it isn't going to change.
If your feelings don't come down some over time, then you have to ask if you can deal with that, just roll with it, or if you are going to go crazy with the ache. If you can take it, then you can make a go with him, but if you cannot, you know you've got to go. You have to look after yourself first. Nobody else is going to.
2006-11-18 01:09:33 · answer #1 · answered by Celtic Rebel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm worried that the past year and a half have been good only because you don't know what might have happened. I truly believe if he cheated on you once (and for such a long time), he will do it again. You don't want to continue to be suspicious (and with good reason) all the time, do you?
He has shown a total lack of respect toward you. Why don't you move on for a while? Tell him you are going to let him be free to decide what he wants to do. More than likely, with you out of the picture, he will resume a relationship with his ex-wife. And, above all, start dating again! You have wasted a lot of years on a relationship that is going nowhere. He is not trustworthy.
I hope you will meet someone else who will show you what a real man is like!! Good luck to you.
2006-11-18 09:27:05 · answer #2 · answered by Ms. G. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not married...get the hell out girl. Every woman out there should listen to me when I say this....NEVER SETTLE. I did the same thing and ended up wasting another 2 yrs. of my life with someone I ended up being disgusted by him in the end. I thought he would never cheat on me...but he did. Thank God I ended it and found the absolute man of my dreams...who surpasses every expectation I ever had and we got married. You deserve better than that and trust me...it will never work between you...there is way too many issues..trustand comunication are lacking. Yeah, how would you ever feel comfortable when you goes to see the kid...you would drive yourself insane. If it still bothers you...get out..I know it's hard..but find all womanly strength and do it. No man should have ever done that to you. Take some time apart...if you feel the need to be with him after all this...start over. At least your not married to the Jerk. What kind of man would put his kid in that situation...his son sees anything between the mother and him...he's just asking for a confused child. GET OUT!
2006-11-18 09:18:01 · answer #3 · answered by grapefruits 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she won't quit chasing him cause she has the advantage of the son.. i think he will be weak again at some point..his son, a woman that he used to love..could be cosidered family. the thing is though what do u want? once u feel frightened and unsecure about the relationship, u know that this man is not right for sthg stable and for a great future.i 'm sorry to say, but i think that u should leave him,u will eventually -so save yrself some time.
2006-11-18 09:10:17 · answer #4 · answered by disco ball 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Step away from the relationship for awhile to see if he gets back with the ex. If he does, most likely he would have eventually anyhow. If he doesn't, then he was telling you the truth... YOU are who he loves.
A woman I work with was in this exact situation. Her boyfriend kept telling her he was only associating with the ex because of the child. He was lying.
Let him know you are giving him some time to sort out his feelings about you vs. his family/ex. If he comes back, he's yours. If not, you never really had him.
A child connects its biological parents for a lifetime.
2006-11-18 09:07:59 · answer #5 · answered by Yinzer from Sixburgh 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if he really loved you, he wouldn't have done it in the first place. People don't treat people they love like s h i t. I personally would kick his ar$e to the curb, hard as it may be, it isn't going to change anything staying with him. You are going to doubt him every time he walks out of the house. You dont need that kind of crap in your life. It is hard leaving someone you love, but in time you get over the hurt and time does heal wounds.
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-11-18 09:51:34 · answer #6 · answered by melfromhell001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you don't need this drama in your life. I would let him go, obviously he still has feelings for her and you deserve better than that. Go find someone who won't treat you that way usually once a cheat always a cheat, the seven month fling that's inexcusable. They have a history together before you, it's nothing against you, go out and find someone better than that. There are good men out there who won't cheat, quit thinking about it and go have some fun it's Saturday.
2006-11-18 09:08:49 · answer #7 · answered by Martini Babee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i know what you mean, i'm waiting for him to realize that he made a mistake going back to her and that i'm better, but i don't think i'm gonna take him back unless i see some serious change, i mean i know it's going to happen, you can see it just by looking at them. i would trust him, he seems to see that he made a mistake. and you only have to deal with her for the next 6 years, then if he continues to talk to her other than about their son you know something is going on.
2006-11-18 09:06:46 · answer #8 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is he is lieing to 2 women just so he can keep his cake and eat it too. You need to realize that he will not change and he will alway be inlove with the ex and just maybe he isn't for you and you need to let him go and find someone that is into you only. Sorry but very true.
2006-11-18 09:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by isitreal1963 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
break up with him ive found that the term once a cheater always a cheater is the truth. then find someone 45 minutes away instead of an hour
2006-11-18 09:04:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋