im 30 married for 12yrs. i have 2 daughters.my prob is that my husband is totally mummas boy.hez 9 yrs elder to me. he always take me for granted. i dont have any type of security,neither financial nor physical . hez very careless about our daughters career.this hurts me the most. icant leave him as i have nowhere to go as my parents have never supported me.its not that hez not earning, his monthly turnover is in6 digits. but still all the money goes to my mil. can u plz help.
2006-11-18 00:29:04 · 10 answers · asked by annu 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi..I am assuming that you are from a country that has a different culture than North America....if so...can you not sit down and discuss they fact that your children do need to have security or...is he thinking that they will just marry as you did and not require an education...Do you get along with your MIL at all? I think that a mother-son relationship like that is very hard to crack...they only way you can do it is to befriend her more....compliment her ask her for advice...help with recipes...soften the old codgers heart and slip in there...she will tell her baby-boy what to do then...it wont come from you but will come from her...for once he might listen
2006-11-18 00:36:26 · answer #1 · answered by .*^+Holly+^*. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your monthly budget...how much do you need each month? How much is left for discretionary funds? How much does MIL require of your income monthly? Does she have other children contributing to her income, if not then they need to take on something....
Determine a fixed amount for MIL every month. Determine exactly what this pays for. Any remaining amount needs to get split between siblings.
Go find a job you enjoy. Start a savings account.
Do things that bring you independence and teach your daughters what is involved in being independent: a job, a checking account, a driver's licence, a car, a roof over your head. Then you can think about whether you want to stay or go. Dependents live at home. Find your independence.
2006-11-18 00:45:40 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with puresnow. You have to set a spending plan. List the things you need for yourself and your kids. Include family savings. Assign dollar amounts to each. Then look to see what is available for your MIL. Sit down with him and discuss your concerns. I will assume that he does care about you and is probably just clueless.
As for your husband being a momma's boy, yes he was probably that way from the beginning, but you were probably too young to understand what that would mean in the long haul. I'm sorry you have to go through this now, but we all have to live with the decisions we make. You can't expect to change him, but you should expect him to respect your needs and the needs of your girls.
I encourage you to find some other source of income that can go directly into savings. Find a job-whether full time or part. You may even consider signing up to do something like selling Avon or home interiors to start. Whatever you do, do something. I would still live off his income and deposit your income into things like a hefty college fund and a retirement package for yourself and a rainy day fund. You cannot continue to sit and expect him to make you happy because even the best man-is simply a man at best. They all have their flaws. You have to be willing to accept the man for who he is and make adjustments to compensate for his weaknesses.
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! You are stronger and more capable than you think. Use your head. You focus on developing yourself into a "good thing" in your own right. Show your girls what a woman is capable of without having to turn to media for role models. Try to find someone to give you sound advice on how to get on your feet. I'm not sure what kind of people your parents are, but I usually ask mine when its something important- and take from what they have to say what I believe is useful.
- I am not a proponent of divorce. I believe that you two can find a way to work through it if you are determined to make it work.
2006-11-18 03:21:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take it that he pays the bills. You actually have more financial security than you realize. If you were to divorce him, youd probably be awarded custody of the girls, child support,the house and probably spousal support since he makes good money. Thats all money in your pocket and not mommys and thats a good thing. Now the question is are you better off with or without him? As long as mil is alive nothing will change but keep a record of finances or to the best you can,to mommy dearest. Good luck and if I can be of further assistance,email me
2006-11-18 01:52:29 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U must of known your husband was a mommies boy when you married him and the signs of carelessness where present...your now left to take the reins.
U need to build a life for yourself financially (get a job) and the security will come after you can't rely on his 6 digit pay packet, get your own and create a nest egg for your daughters.
This is a hard one but hope I helped a bit.
2006-11-18 00:38:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-25 02:15:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation, you feel there,s no way out, please don't wait another 12 years, there is always a way out, see a solicitor, citizens advice bureau every one can help you. I didn't have my own money,or a job.. see what you are entitled to your husband will have to support you and the children. It will be very hard but you will be much happier in the end. and that's best for you and your children .
2006-11-18 01:05:16 · answer #7 · answered by pixie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did you marry him , he was that way in the beginning mommy boys never change , if you are unhappy and this will reflect unto your girls .
step 1 see if you and him can get help either through marriage council or through the church
step 2 if step 1 dont work then you know what you have to do
or bear with it /
but think of the girls/ they are the ones who will suffer in the end
2006-11-18 00:37:50 · answer #8 · answered by rev frank 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to sit down and explain your position to your husband. He may take some time, but he should eventually undertand.
Or, you could take your mother-in-law into confidence and work with her to resolve this issue. Mother-in-laws usually only want to see their sons happy.
2006-11-18 01:26:47 · answer #9 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give him an ultimatum........either he changes his ways or he would be finding himself another wife. You can always leave and get a job and lift your self-esteem. This guy is pulling you down......hope you find happiness soon
2006-11-18 00:36:34 · answer #10 · answered by classy&sassy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋