practical solustions to nice guy curse?

Question

180 degree change in personality is just not possible no matter how many self-help books ones read!!! for sure, years do add maturity and weight to ones character and a 40 year old NG is no doubt stronger than a 30 or 20 year old, but non the less, still an NG...still looked down at by peers, potential partners,...so what should one do?? its a really sad issue, like being born with down's syndrome or autism, only worse because you are self-aware...I have bitterness but i know that if i was a female given the choice between an NG and a non NG, i myself would choose the latter

an NG, in a nutshell is a nerdy adult!, but there is a wide spectrum so thats just an unfair generalization...its not about being clingy or needy, although when an NG does it, e.g. ask a question, ask a girl out etc...it appears like so,

Answer 1

What do women want? Attention right? Yet, it is not the attentions freely given it is the attentions earned. The uber pretty girl is used to the attentions and help of every guy that just gives her the attention. She will blow this off as just her due.

The other end of the female "looks" spectrum is the homely girl. She tends to work very hard for the attentions of men and feels very good when these attentions are returned.

Respect. You are not showing respect by being immediately available. You are actually showing a lack of respect by, in a way, telling them that they can't do this on their own. Here, heres my help. Women don't need to be saved. Once you understand that you will see that women like to talk about their troubles as a release, not as something that needs fixing.

If you want to be a real good guy quite treating her like an object of affections, and someone that needs your help. Treat women as friends first, as equal, as someone who may have answers to questions you need answering. When you stop treating women poorly then you will find you are the best kind of guy.

Friends don't dote over each other they understand each other.

One last thing, quit pouting, it shows weakness. But, don't be afraid to show her weakness as it will show her your strength by trusting her.

Answer 2

The question is: are you a nice guy, are you needy, or are you overbearing.

Nice guys (and girls) get dumped because they are seeing someone who needs to argue, be abused, or don't know how to handle having someone be nice to them.

Needy guys (and girls) are those that don't respect personal space. I'm not referring to letting her sleep with other people or anything, but a night alone to collect thoughts or hang out with friends (without 600 phone calls) never hurt anyone.

Overbearing guys (and girls) need to know where a person is at all times, what they're doing and with whom. Trust, in my experience, is a big issue on this one.

If you would choose a non-NG, WHY? They are selfish, rude, and often will beat down the other's self esteem. Maybe you have trouble being selfish. Is that what drives them away? You will bend over backwards for someone at the drop of a hat? Maybe saying "no" once in a while won't be a 180 for your personality - those who ask (and are deserving) shall receive.

How's that?

Answer 3

What are some practical solutions to the nice guy curse?
First, being a natural " Nice Guy" is not a curse, it is a specialized behavior type. No need to go 180 degrees. If you are in your forties, you have probably already tried and failed that route. Accept your a nice guy.
Alowing yourself to be taken advantage of is not being nice, it is being a doormat. An easy trap for the truly nice to fall into, also easily gotten out of. You don't say what kind of work you do, but you might notice your efforts of strengthening your character there first. Personal management self help books might be where you will filnd guidence on those subtle changes.
Assuming you are not a doormat and are an average nice guy, you do not have the disadvantage you think you do. As far as women go, you are right. Mainstream people tend to go for rougher edged partners. You are a nice guy. If you were a woman looking for a nice guy, Where would you go to find one?
The obvious answer makes me wince too, Church. yeah, but what a lot of people forget is many churches set up social activities that filter out your main competition. Don't make the assumptions about places that other people are making about you. You CAN go to acivities other than services. You never have to even go into the service.
If I still have your attention, Happy hunting ground #2 is communtiy centers where you can volunteer for an activity you like, which puts you directly in the sights of women who are tired of "Bad Boys".
Libraries also have community activities that might attract people you will find attractive and vice versa.
All I am saying is go where the stereotypicaly nice people go. Nice guys get all caught up in competing for fish in the sea against shark fishermen who seem better equipped, Take your cane pole, sit against a nice shady tree near a cool pond, and the catch of the day will happen.

Answer 4

You are right: "nice guys finish last".

I think the solution is for you to change your appearance.

People respond largely to appearance.

You should start wearing clothes which are less "nice guy": made of leather and studded, or black suits like in Tarantino films. You should grow sharp sideburns and wear sunglasses, even indoors.

Answer 5

Um...why do you think Down syndrome is sad and presume that a person with Down syndrome is not self-aware?? I know many older people with Down syndrome who are perfectly aware of their situation and are happy and don't feel cursed.

Answer 6

It makes me sick to hear you compare your kindness to someone with down syndrome. My neice has that and do you think my sister would say oh well its better than being nice!?

Answer 7

maybe you could shed some light on what characterizes a so-called "nice guy" for us and then we could help... ?