Why is it that my husband gets angry when I talk about my gay friends ?

Question

I work with a lot of gay men and we get on great , he hates it and says things like" how come women love gay men"I dont understand his rational at all

Answer 1

Hello tori!! :o) I'm not sure why [exactly] your husband gets upset - but I think the next time he does - say the following...

"You know something, 'Bob'. I've been thinking about what you asked the other day - about why women love gay men. And I think - for me - it's because it's the only time that I can be friends with a man and KNOW that no matter what - it's not going to threaten our relationship or change how I feel about you."

Have a great day!! Craig!! :o)

Answer 2

I think some people can find a gay man's relationship with women threatening. As the boundaries can be pushed alot further then in a straight man/woman relationship. I think there is also an element of mistrust there as well. "Is he really gay if he is flirting with my wife?" It sounds daft, even irrational, but as a gay man I can totally understand how some women's 'other halves' can get jealous. The best way to work through it is to understand your husbands perspectives and try not to expect too much of him straight away. If he loves and trusts you, then he'll eventually come around. It's just one of those frustrating things about the differences between how a man's mind works as oppose to a woman's!

Answer 3

I once went out with a guy who had a gay friend.I found this odd at first,in fact when the gay guy approached me asking about my b/f I almost got offended.When I told my b/f he just thought that was so funny b/c I was thinking that they were lovers on the down-low,but you know what they actually weren't.They were actually friends that went back to high school together.my b/f being the user that he was liked him b/c he had a car and was always down with some petty crime together.some men are afraid their manly ness is questioned if they actually treat gays like humans and my ex was very secure in his manhood and wasn't at all intimidated by his other friends who may have been paranoid,I found that to be enlightening,so your man is homophobic I guess or down low gay.

Answer 4

It sounds like he doesn't like gay men. Too bad for him. Maybe someone here can suggest some tolerance training for him? I've read that when someone knows a gay person, usually their feelings about gay people in general change for the better.

PS I hope you can still go hang out with your work friends without grief from your husband. I bet you'd have fun.

Answer 5

I read in a book that sometimes fathers get mad at their gay children when they come out because they don't understand it, or they don't know how they are supposed to react.

So maybe he is like... uh... well I don't want her to think that I'm weird.... eeeeh.

Also maybe he has conflicts with his suppressed homosexual attractions, but that's almost never the case. He was just brought up to not like anything gay or he adopted that, because of fear to be rediculed. Ask him.

Answer 6

Maybe he is a homophobe and doesn't like the fact that you don't share his prejudice. Or, maybe he feels threatened by your emotional closeness to other men, regardless of their homosexual orientation. Maybe it's some combination of both. Either possibility suggests the presence of some insecurity on his part.

You should ask him with whom he would rather you associate: the gay boys from the office, or a strapping, young straight stud?

Answer 7

Some men don't really believe gay men exist, and feel threatened, even if they can't say it -- that may be what is bothering your husband -- or he may just be homophobic himself and feel he can't express it because you are tolerant. In either case, don't let it sweat you too much, it isn't worth it.

Regards,

Reyn

Answer 8

It sounds like your husband is homophobic, and/or feels that his masculinity is somehow being threatened. The fact that you get along so well with gay men may make him feel psychologically emasculated. Or, he may simply be jealous. He might fear that one of them will "turn straight" so he can be with you. (Truth is, though, sexual orientation cannot be changed, so in reality his jealousy fear- if it exists- will not happen.)

Answer 9

Sometimes husbands and boyfriends get jealous because we're so close to our gay male friends. My husband likes it though I suspect it may be due to the excellent advice they've given me on how to perform oral sex on a man.

Answer 10

He's jealous because you are getting attention. He may feel somewhat threatened. I'm sure if he had butch lesbians he worked with at work, he would probably get along with some who share some of the same interests he does.