how am i supposed to....?

Question

how do i boost my husband self esteem... he is always worried that i am gonna do him wrong.. and it kills me that he doesnt have the self esteem to think that he is tooo good to be cheated on... i mean i wouldnt have married him if he wasnt amazing to me... i try a bunck of things... eg.. having no life.. playing dress up... telling him i love him constantly... always doing lil things to make him smile.. is there anything else i can do to make him feel better about himself... ps.. i always tell him how great he is in bed.. which im not lying about...

Answer 1

Great question. As a husband, currently suffering from low self-esteem (long story), I know that my self-esteem "barometer" is closely tied to my status at work and how much my family depend on me. I'm not sure what someone else can do to improve my personal self-esteem but the process for improvement starts with self recognition of the problem and then digging way down deep to discover those drivers and develop a disciplined plan to improve self worth. Ask this question: if you could script your life right now, what would you change? Asking questions, by the way, is a great way to gain insight.

Answer 2

There are a few things to think about here. Why does he have a low self esteem?
How long has he had this low self esteem?
Is is continous or is it now and again?

Talk to him, you know him better than anybody or should so think about things to discover the root to it. I knew my ex had problems from his past so knew it was part of the problem to him having low self esteem (run himself down a lot) but it is also a problem that can only get worse if he cannot see the roots to the problems.
My ex finally realized how many of his ways were insecuritiy problems stemmed from childhood. It took him firstly to see it, then accept it and then move on from it.


So many adults are blind to an early implantation to personality traits when older. We all deal with things differently and have different tolerant levels too. We all perceive differently and all experience hurt differently like we do joy. A child even bullied at school can then move on to have many inner insecurities as an adult. A child reared in a disfunctional family can grow with insecurity problems as an adult but not many adults are able to regress and pinpoint the event that caused the deep emotional problems as an adult.

Maybe you and your husband can do some soul searching together-it just maybe something so tiny and petty but remember the implant was given as a child so the emotions will still be the same as when implanted just lost and buried in time

It is nothing you are or not doing, this is about your husband and issues that either the present (job maybe as can cause stress) or past trying to surface and be released to experience a sense of peace.
Love an' Peace xxx

Answer 3

That's a bit of a tough one because once a guy starts feeling he's in adequate in whatever way he can spiral down and down. It sounds like you've done a lot to not only boost his self esteem ... playing dress-up, telling him you love him constantly etc.. I think you've gone beyond the call of duty here and you're only going to make yourself depressed or angry at him if you keep going this way. While this would certainly work for most guys it's not working with yours. Also you stated "no life" so I take it you're sacrificing any of your social time so that he does not get jealous or more depressed.

I think you've done your best in this direction you need to reverse course a little. You better find out what's really bringing him down. Some guys worry about the size of their manhood and others worry about the can't compete with other man in different ways. So he feels that he doesn't make love to you right, enough times, long enough, etc... you'll be looking for new guy. The difficult part you have is that these are fears he has in his own head and not your thinking are where you are going.

Instead of you always saying you love him all the time (which isn't working) and doing all these other things. Maybe you need to do the old reverse psychology and say he doesn't love you anymore. Drop things like you're not pretty enough for them anymore and another girl could please him better in bed. By telling him these things you get his mind off of his problems and hopefully he will switch them to trying to help you. You need to keep these up and keep them subtle act a little depressed. The point is to try to get him to focus on helping you.

Mark
author
GirlTellAll

Answer 4

I'm thinking either he's really been messed with in the past or something happened that made him totally unsure of himself, or relationships. In time hopefully he will see that you are in it for the long haul, and that you arnt messing around. All I can think is dont be flirting (not that you are), cuddle him alot, tell him you love him alot, call him/text him often, always think of his feelings before doing anything especially if its something that he could possibly take the wrong way, or look into too much. Good luck, if it really becomes a problem maybe go to counceling so he can get it all out, and you can hear what he is thinking deep down.
xxx

Answer 5

I think he needs to look inside himself and find out why he feels low about himself and thinks you are too good for him. There is just so much reassuring you can do. At some point he needs to build up his own self esteem. Try and encourage him to do things that he enjoys and is good at. eg, sport, hobbies he may have, painting, cooking, gardening, etc... He needs to start feeling good about himself before he can understand that what you tell him is the truth.

Answer 6

It is not something that you can do.

It is up to him to make a decision to take responsibility for his feelings and attitude towards himself.

The best thing that you can do is to make this clear to him. He probably believes that his self-opinion is "the truth", when, of course, it is a subjective assessment of fact.

He may find that a psychiatrist or counsellor could help him in this. Many people would reject this suggestion as outlandish, but personally, I would reccomend it. He can find a good one through his doctor.

Answer 7

It's tough. Are you flirting with other men, even only with your eyes when you're out with your husband? Do you get excited when you see a hot guy on t.v.?
No-one needs to hear the words ten times a day, they need to see the proof in our actions. Maybe he wants you to stand up for him. Show public affection (not exhibitionism), do small things for him(leave small love note in his wallet, at bedtime tell him 1/2/3 things about him that you appreciate about him as his wife, etc.).

Answer 8

My husband was the same way. 1: Counseling for him 2:leave himlittle handwritten I love yous in his lunch/ on the steering wheel ... I have also found that my husband loves finding emails from me in the middle of all his SPAM...He has his own Yahoo acct. so i just send him little notes. He says it really makes him feel special because saying it is easy, takes just a second...but going out of my way to hand write/type it is even better!

Answer 9

He needs therapy. I think self esteem issues come from upbringing. Was he abused, either verbally, emotionally or physically when he was younger? Sometimes the messages we receive when we are young get ingrained in us and they're hard to get rid of. Self-help books can help too.

Answer 10

is there a age difference? i have almost the same problem except vice versa, my wife always thinks i am gonna leave her or cheat on her with someone else, but like you I love my wife and wouldnt of married her if i wasnt planning on spending the rest of my life with her and her only. but the biggest part of our problem is our age difference, there is a 12 year age difference between us me being 27 years of age. theirs not much advice i can give but wanted to share my story, good luck and hope your relationship is everlasting