Why cant I ever earn my mom's approval or respect?

Question

I was 17 yrs old when I told my mom I was 3 wks pregnant, I understand now how angry, dissapointed and humiliated she must have felt.
I worked 2 jobs, graduated high/vocational school and have always helped her financially, Recently over the past 2 years I have been the sole provider for her and my son, she babysits my son after school in our home, and I pay all expenses, yet she never stops telling me what a failure I am yet I am a surgical assistant to a well know surgeon in 90210 , she constantly harasses me, and wont ever give me privacy, I'm constantly being accused of being a whore, when I have dated my fiancee for the past 4yrs exclusively. She will say comments that will make my bf think I'm being a slut, when in reality all my time is devided in my son, bf, work, and her.
What can I possibly be doing wrong?

Answer 1

You aren't doing anything wrong. Unfortunately, the only type of attention some people know how to give is the negative kind; and it sounds like your mother may fit into that mold. Your first step should be to make it known that being treated like that is hurting you; and mean it. Have you asked her what makes you a failure? It sounds to me like you've worked very hard to get where you are; and should be proud of yourself.

Answer 2

first of all, if you have a decent job and can afford "all the expenses", you need to move out of your mothers house and get your own place. why is your fiancee still your fiancee after four yrs? If you don't think you can make it on your own and your going to be with him, why not get married? I don't know what kind of person your mother is but if she is telling you that you are a failure and a whore, your mother has problems that need to be addressed by a therapist. I have 3 children that I love very much and I would never dream of telling them anything remotely like that. No matter the circumstances, I will try to build my child up and encourage them to strive for whatever it is in life that can make them happy.I don't feel that this is anything that you can fix, this is more your mothers problem. all you can do is remove yourself from a negative situation and raise your child with mental and emotional support and stability. good luck to you and your son..God bless you both

Answer 3

I would say get away from your mom, Move out of the house and get your own place. Have your fiancee move in with you that away he can help you with your child. Moving out will open your mothers eyes. Once she see's that you are no longer taking her mental abuse, she will be sorry. She will start treating you with respect and will offer to help you for once. Finding an appartment is not that hard. You and your fiancee can afford a 2 bed room appartment I am sure. Unless he is unemployed. If so tell him you need his help and that you can not live like this anymore. I hope that everything goes well and you make the right choice. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I don't think it's what you are doing wrong. She probably had some really high expectations for you (not that working for a sucessful 90210 surgeon isn't great but she probably hoped you would be the surgeon). You just have to be happy in your life and know that you are doing your best for everyone involved. Don't beat yourself up over things. She loves you and is proud of you.

Answer 5

Not to sound unkind but you will never know what it feels like to have your child come to you and tell you she is pregent.

With that said, if you are financiially about to support yourself and your child then like everone else I say distance yourself from your mother. Tell her why you are doing it and maybe give her a chance to change a little. You leaving may be what she needs.

You really should not try and reward yourself for helping your mother out financially, She took care of you and your in turn took care of her. It is what should be done.

when you say "our" home. do you mean hers, your or what.? If it is hers then no matter what you pay it is still her house. If she moved in with you then maybe she needs to move out.

Her anger may be coming from you not having the life she had wished for you. You may have a good life and one that you are proud of but she being your mother may have wanted one that was a lot different and maybe easier.

Answer 6

thats exceptional of you and in case you ask Allah to help calm her down in direction of you and he will make her extra affected person. this could additionally be a attempt from Allah SWT making specific you're rather commiting 2 ur determination. whilst she yells say duaa or quran to calm her down instide of u and save close with ur brother by way of fact u seem 2 be 2 o.k. taught and raised little ones and a great destiny will lye forward. additionally attempt to persuade ur mom that islam isnt undesirable n slowly attempt to make her like it n consistent with threat she 2 will %. islam for her faith

Answer 7

she has a lot of personal issues and she's projecting her own feelings of failure on to you. was your grandmother like that to her? my mother was the same exact way to me and i think she was like that because she was raised "old school". i finally had enough and stood my ground but i came to the realization that whenever i would just lose it, it confirmed her assumptions in her eyes. ever since, I've just completely shown no emotional response to her insults. in a way i showed her that those tactics are beneath me. just ignore her and take pride in knowing that the cycle of negativity will end with you and your son will grow up the way you wanted to grow up. you go girl! take care!

Answer 8

It's probably the disappointment she felt that's talking. All moms can be like that. Plead with her to please forgive you and she might out of the goodness of her heart.