I'm 17 and I'm pretty sure that a good friend of mine is gay...the problem is that ever time I try to hint at it that I know, he doesnt open up...what should I do, should I just straight up ask him?...the reason why I want to find out if he's gay is because I think he's really uncomfortable with chasin girls and I think it's killing him on the inside...of course, I could be wrong about all this and then it would be quite embarrasing for both us...any tips?
2006-11-17 16:02:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
p.s. I'm straight
2006-11-17 16:05:50 · update #1
If you flat out ask him, it could be awkward for both of you. Maybe you should be a little bit stronger in your hints and say something along the lines that, even though you are straight, you wouldn't mind having a gay friend and ask him if he has ever known anyone who is gay. Most gay people have the feeling that it is killing them inside before they come out, so even if he doesn't open up to you right away remain a close friend. If he is gay, your friendship will mean a lot to him.
2006-11-17 16:23:50 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dude,
Are you doing this as a friend, or you wanting to know because he is cramping your style?
Are you cool with him if he truly is gay?
He may be going through the phase where he is truly trying to understand who he is, and coming to terms with it, and this is a very hard time for him.
Now, if you do not care who he is and his preferences, then this is all ok.
He will come out at his own pace, it will take time, all you can do is be that understandable friend, who is going to stick beside him through no matter what.
That is what you need to convey to him.
I personally would not ask him, even though you may be genuine in actions, he could be defensive to you asking, and could cause more harm then good.
However, I do no know his personality, you all may be able to do that and everything be ok.
Just stick beside him and support him whatever happens.
2006-11-18 09:42:09 · answer #2 · answered by Brad B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you want to know okay you are straight that is nice but what would be the good for him to tell you if he is the everyone will not want to hang out with him and the friends he have will not want to hang out with him and you may not want him around anymore so just leave it alone. What if you do ask him and he say he is not gay and he will think you are a big jerk and gets mad at you and what a great friend you are. Not you area to ask
2006-11-18 00:20:20 · answer #3 · answered by isitreal1963 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Support him no matter what. He may not be accepting of the fact that he may be gay. Coming out is a process that gay folks have to go through long before actually coming out to others.
Support him and let him know that you will be his friend always, no matter what.
Let him know that you will not judge him and that he can talk to you about anything... and then be that friend.
Don't push him. He may not be ready to admit to you, much less to himself, anything other than he is a confused adolescent.
The best of luck to you both. It's great that he has a friend like you to support him.
2006-11-18 00:18:18 · answer #4 · answered by yetanothergwm 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldjusttell him that you will be hisfriendno matter what, and ask if he wants to tell you anything. If he is or nto gay, it still proves that you are a good friend. I thought this would be a "how do I make him noraml" question, bt its not. Good for you, just be there for him, he might come around, or you can confront him about it.
2006-11-18 00:07:43 · answer #5 · answered by quest 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know it's killing him, don't encourage him to "chase girls." Don't try to get him to admit it either, maybe he's not ready. Just continue on as friends, let him know that you're there for him if he ever needs to talk. And if he does open up to you, be a friend and stand by him, he'd probably do the same for you.
2006-11-18 00:06:26 · answer #6 · answered by C. J. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could ask directly, though it might be awkward. If you wanted to take a less direct approach, you could also try to let him know that you're a "safe" person to open up to by openly professing pro-gay and nonjudgmental attitudes. Whether he'll do anything with that information is up to him.
2006-11-18 00:16:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey, you don't have to know the answer right away. If you just let your friend know that you are a true friend, you don't judge him, and you will be there for him, he will come around in time. A good web site you and he might hit is PFLAG (parents, family, friends, of gays and lesbian's). He is lucky to have such a friend as you.
2006-11-18 01:05:30 · answer #8 · answered by Dusenberg 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My couzin is gay and he was like your friend about opening up.
What I did was open up a mailbox on yahoo named ..
out of the closet newsletter ..something that will make him be interested in looking at it rather than thinking it's spam . And checked out tips of not to be ashamed to come out of the closet .
I picked the best ones I thought were nice and added ways you can tell people . and put ..for further reading & help ..and added links on it . Making sure to put a tip in about if someone seems easy to talk to or like your hinting ..he'll think it's good to open up to that one person ..meaning you ! .. and come to you to talk hopefully .
He opened up to me and it made him enjoy his life more instead of hiding inside .
I was glad I did it . keep it in your sent box to send it again if he doesn't open up .
2006-11-18 02:09:35 · answer #9 · answered by Keera 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you are this sensitive to what you think your friend might be going through. You should come out and directly ask him. He is lucky to have a sweet sensitive (straight) friend like you! Keep on being that way!
Love,
Gregory
2006-11-18 02:11:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋