Some women think that because they gave birth to the children they have something special that dad does not?

Question

What a crock! I'm not anti women but most of the time women like this are feminists and therefore want equal treatment. Well I beleive in equality for women in all aspects yet those same women want special treatment in divorce and child custody. Women give birth because that is the law of nature, but it does not entitl you to more rights or indicate you are the better parent. Why are you narrow minded, pre-historic man haters think you are better than me?
But to the majority of women who support dads and see through the slef centered facist ego trip of lunatics I really appriciate your support, thank you. Now if more people were like you good fathers would have it much easier.

Answer 1

Wow. You are kind of random and average, Joe.

I had the most wonderful father (and mother) anyone could have. I have sons who couldn't be more loved and valued. I am also someone who, for the most part, leans toward feminist beliefs. I am also someone who was separated from my mother for seven months or so when I was six/seven years old because she was sick (physically, not mentally by any means). I loved my father every bit as much as I loved my mother.

I don't necessarily think - if a mother isn't a good enough mother - that she should get custody of children if the father is, in realilty, a more skilled and loving parent than the mother. However....having said all that...

There have been studies done to show that children who are separated from their mothers in divorce are more damaged than children who are separated from their fathers.

I don't disagree that a child is biologically the man's child as much as he/she is the womans' child; however, men can not and will never know what it is like to go through all the psychological and emotional issues related to carrying a child. My kids' father has no idea about the fact that when I didn't feel my son move very often during pregnancy I was so scared that the baby wasn't alive I couldn't even think about it. He'll never know how many times I tried to get that baby moving. Men can't know what goes on when, say, a mother is sitting at a keyboard typing and the baby moves to the clicking. Just last week it was my grown son's birthday, and I happened to be going through some documents and ran into his ultrasound picture. Men can never know what it is like to look at a young, grown, son and try to even digest the reality of where he came from.

It isn't just about going through the pregnancy and then delivering the baby. It is about the whole, almost overwhelming, emotional process of everything from the pregnancy to when the child is grown. There are hormones that get going that cause bonding between a child and his mother. It feels to me as if there's the chance that how a mother thinks and how her brain works may change once children are born.

Nature keeps the baby animals with their mothers most of the time. Father animals have a role, but only occasionally do father animals get very involved.

There is generally something so fundamental about the mother/child relationship (provided the mother is a normal mother and not mentally ill or emotionally disturbed) that it does seem to go against Nature to separate mothers and their children when even both parents are of equal parenting ability.

Anyone who has not experienced carrying and delivering a child has no way to know that pregnancy and delivery are not a simple nine-month time period and a few hours of discomfort. The hormones of the mother and child are so often intertwined not just during the pregnancy but after. An example is that the mother's milk can provide antibodies the child wouldn't otherwise have. Another example is that the mother's voice and touch are often the only things that will calm a newborn.

If you studied up on the intricacies of brain and emotional development between mothers and their children you would not think that pregnancy and delivery are just mechanical processes that don't count once they're over. You have no way to know the complexity and physiological and emotional goings-on between mothers and children. Any time movie makers want to make someone cry they separate children from their mothers. It is such a fundamental thing that the idea of separating children from mothers if horrifying (did you see The Land Before Time, for example?).

I don't deny that men love their children, and their children love them. I don't deny that men (like my father) can be excellent parents. Still - even with those things' being equal - a man cannot, from where he is, know the depth and expanse and scope of the bond that exists between mothers and children (even sometimes when a mother may lack a few parenting skills). Study up, and you'll start to understand what I'm talking about.

The ego trip happens when men - who will never, ever, be able to experience that particular type of bond that goes way beyond delivery and right on through the child's forties or beyond - need to believe they have an equal type of relationship with their children. I don't say they don't have an equal type of relationship in ways in which the relationship CAN be equal; but it is impossible for men to EVER have the type of bond that exists between mothers and their children.

Also, if you studied up on the effects of female hormones and pregnancy hormones have on brains you may start to see that the chances of a woman's having an advantage when it comes to the type of intelligence required for understanding children and human nature are higher because of those hormones. Women may well have a higher ceiling when it comes to this type of intelligence.

"Facist ego" is when men - in their ignorance and inability to ever feel what is between mothers and children - believe they should have the right to separate children from their mothers.

If I had my way I would never allow there to be the lousy treatment of fathers during divorce. I hate the structured "visitation" that usually happens to fathers because I don't think fathers should have any limitations put on the time they have with their children. I hate that fathers are often almost discarded or at least disregarded. I don't underestimate their relationship with their children or their children's love for them.

Still - as someone who has had two of my three children - I'm sorry, but, yes - I think it is more important that children stay with their mother. It isn't that I think I am better than their father (although, I hate to say it, I do :) ). It is that I can see the nature and uniqueness of the relationship between mother and children; and (science backs me up on this) I believe it more important that mothers and children not be separated because the "law of Nature" that this goes against goes far beyond a few hours of labor that ended in delivery.

Women and female animals bond with adopted children in a way that science has shown males tend not to do. That's why so many live-in boyfriends and step-fathers end up mistreating (or worse) children that are not their own. Female animals will "adopt" a baby animal of another species as well as their own.
I have a grown and adopted son. I have experienced the kind of bonding mothers have with children with him as well. In general, male animals reject the young who do not share their genes. It is harder, too, for many men to really, really, bond with children who do not have their genes.

The horrible thing about divorce is that courts often treat fathers so horribly when it comes to their rights; when, in fact, children and their fathers often have a relationship that is pretty much of equal quality to the relationship between the mother and children. Still, there is that "extra element" to the mother/child bond. The father who loves his children and who has an understanding of that bond between mother and children is in the horrible, horrible, situation of having to either go with the idea of not having custody or of making the more selfish decision of attempting to separate the children he loves from their mother. The irony is that the better and more loving and unselfish father is the one who steps aside when it comes to custody; and the more selfish father - which means the quality of his relationship is not as good - is the one who fights for custody. Its kind of "King Solomon type of thing", isn't it..

Men (sometimes those who resent women who expect to be valued and seen as equal to men) so often throw the "if you want to be equal" argument around when it comes to child custody or else helping to move furniture. I'm not a man-hater. I pray to God my sons are never in the position of having to do the unselfish thing of recognizing the maternal/child bond and taking a backseat when it comes to custody of their children. I pray harder, though (I suppose), that my daughter and any children she may have never, ever, be separated.

There are things that go on between mothers and children that actually may give mothers something of an edge when it comes to being a better parent. That's not saying that fathers and mothers can't both be good parents or that fathers may not have better parenting knowledge sometimes. There is, however, something about that bond that exists between mothers and children that often gives mothers an ability to be guided by that very bond in ways that are separate from just knowledge of parenting.

I have so often seen how much more like mother cats women tend to be when it comes to their "kittens" than men tend to be.

It takes an infant almost a year just to figure out that he/she is a separate person from his/her mother. Babies and children have phases of in toward their mother and out and away from their mother every six months or so throughout childhood. My neighborhood has had for the last several months a mother wild turkey and her babies. I've watched them grow, and yet even as they're just about as big as their mother, they still walk up the street every day together and as a team. I've wondered when the "babies" may stop following their mother, and it has occurred to me that they're in the exact same process as I've had with my children - and they'll separate when the process is finished.

Well adjusted, good, mothers aren't looking for "special treatment" for themselves during a divorce. They're looking to protect that mother/child relationship that tends to run through all of Nature and that when interfered with has the potential of seriously damaging the proper development of children. Children separated from their mothers aren't just devastated, they're incomplete, they pine for their mothers as their mothers pine for them, and they may grow up prone to depression.

When I was a little girl (and a "Daddy's Girl" in many ways) and my mother was in the hospital, no matter how much I loved my precious father and no matter what a great father he was or kind person or good cook; he was not my mother and my sister and I pined for the whole seven or so months she was not with us. My baby brother was sick and hospitalized far more often than was average, and his personality was affected.

Women who want custody of their children aren't looking for "special rights". They're looking to have their fundamental rights and that fundamental relationship kept in tact for the wellbeing of their children.

Men will never be able to know the whole bonding and intertwining process that goes on between mothers and children. Because of this inability to be able to imagine it, many men will not even believe that such a unique relationship exists between mothers and children. Mature and loving men will at least recognize that there is such a thing as a unique, mother/child relationship.

I have often asked if I were the father would I love my children enough to do what I could to help keep my children's relationship with their mother intact; and while it is hard to imagine being the other gender, I have to say that I think I'd have to do the thing that was right for my children and not the thing that was right for me but disregarded the mother/child relationship.

It isn't a matter of women thinking they're "better". It is a matter of their having the experience of the maternal/child bond and growth process between them to know that regardless of whether someone is "better" the reality of the uniqueness of the bond between mothers and children exists.

Do some research in some legitimate sources. Learn about what takes place in a toddler's life between birth and age three or so. Look up what happens to children who are separated from their mothers. Look up ways that hormones affect mothers and their children in terms of things like bonding, brain development, emotional wellbeing, etc.

In answer to your question: Do some women think that because they gave birth .....they have something special that the father doesn't? They don't think it. They KNOW it. That isn't underestimating the power and importance of the children's relationship with their father. It is just, however, knowing that there is that extra element at the very core of the mother/child relationship; and no matter how much any of us would like to see fathers and mothers as absolute equals this is one scientific reality that cannot be disputed.

Answer 2

Just because I gave birth does not mean I am the better parent. I did something that men cannot do but that does not give me the right to act superior. In a custody battle some women use the children as a way of getting revenge. Sad really as children need both parents, providing they are good parents. What a pity sadness and anger make men and women feel and act this way.

Answer 3

Joe get a good lawyer BUT be ready to have full custody. Women are not special. It's a two way street egg and sperm. Having the kids however means time off of work for fevers, stomach aches, and general crankiness. Trips to school activities, after school activities and extramural things. Men tend not to want to be responsible for the caretaking of the children. Pay the support enjoy your time with the kids but most of all move on. Find a good woman, have great s3x. The best revenge is a good life.

Answer 4

My husband is a wonderful father and I don't plan on anything ever happening to us. I would not punish my husband or my children by trying to keep them from each other. But, I can't imagine being away from my children too much. My husband works his butt off so that I can be a stay at home mom. Both of my kids are in school now, but I still need to be able to go to the school for events and be here if they are sick. I already feel like I am sharing my children with someone else, I only have them for around 5 hours of awake time each day. I miss them terrible during the day and can't wait till time to go pick them up from school. I think in a way I would go as far as to adding on to the house or living next door to an ex so that the children would have the best of both worlds. I can't imagine either of us being without the kids, so if anything were to ever go sour between us we better find a way to fix it.

Answer 5

Stupid,dumb, crazy, selfish. She shouldn't be allowed to have kids. Im so disappointed in the doctor who decided to let her do this. 6 kids and she was on government support and now has 14. Those poor kids are just being used to get fame and tv shows. I wish for those kids to have a better life and hope that my some chance they are taken from her and given to people who will really love them and take care of them. Those poor kids thats all i have to say. EDIT: Samantha k- im guessing your either a teen or you just dont have a job or care about kids. She is single she doesnt work she is on goverment help and had another 8. She only did it for the fame. Come on now if you think thats awesome or whatever then you should be thrown into the nut house with her.

Answer 6

Its not always that they beleave it. Society has put this pressure on mothers and fathers. When I divorced and said our little girl would live with her father mon-fri, most of the women said this was wrong a child needs to be with the mother. I asked them why they beleave this, they said its known. I realized that they must have been brained washed into beleaving this bullsh...! I must say I am glad that she stayed with her father, she was more open to things, and tougher in kindergarden. At least married men have a little rights, what about the unmarried ones? They must go thru hell.

Answer 7

Ok, you carry the child for 9 months, let every laugh at you cause you're fat, go through 2-3 days of labor...I mean really hard labor...then give birth to a bowling ball...when you do..you can have the kids..my hats off to you

Answer 8

I don't know how your ex-wife managed to screw over an obviously caring Dad such as yourself. She must have had a great lawyer.

Answer 9

Women do have something special.

It's called a Vagina, Box, Quim, Tacos, Cootchie Honey hole, to name a few.
Now that special place deserves to be explored.