Why won't my heart heal?

Question

Sept '05 I left my marriage of 8 years. I lived for so long without "feeling" & leaving seemed the only alternative. I loved my husband but couldn't be emotional or intimate with him. A therapist helped me realize I've been depressed for many yrs & I've also been suffering from a mild personality disorder. Now that I'm tackling my problem I realize I love my ex husband dearly. The worst mistake I made was leaving. He's moved on with someone else for good reason. I was emotionally unavailable for so long. But now, after yrs of feeling nothing, I've been grieving non stop for a yr & a half... not only because of my divorce but for all the lost yrs of love with my wonderful husband. Because I love him I have to let him be free, but my heart continues to break and time doesn't heal the wounds. I have a successful career, I go on dates, I exercise, I have friends. But nothing fills the void of my ex husband. I miss him. I love him. I want to move on, but how? Please help!

Answer 1

You have certainly been through alot. It is wonderful that you are taking care of you. You ask Why won't your heart heal..and I sense from what you've shared this is a very, deep heartfelt wound. There are no time lines for wounds of the heart to heal. ...Healing is enhanced when we accept that though things may not always turn out the way we had wished , if we continue on our journey down the road answers will come. They often come at the most unexpected times. You can still love your ex-husband, You've mentioned, & acknowleged he has started over with someone else. The more you dwell on that loss the longer it will take for your heart to heal. If you love him as you say you do the best thing you can do now is to love yourself.There should always be a special place in your heart for him. It is not wise to try to forget, after all you were together a long time and a part of each others growth process and transforamtion. Believe it or not your love helped him to move on..it is time for you to decide if you want to honor yourself and your life and truly give yourself a chance...enjoy your sucessful career, enjoy the friends that you have, be grateful your body is healthy and you can exercise...please don't forget to count your blessings.. EVERYDAY ! .One thing I can tell you for certain if you had not done things the way you have--- you would not be on the road to recovery. Happiness will come again if and when you stop beating yourself up for the past. The past is dead the future lies ahead. Oh how easy it is for us to think back and reflect if only in hindsight...but your past actions have unfolded your present. If you are going through hell keep going. Above all trust these words I offer to you from love. Love will find its way to you again but you must be open to recieve it. You are healthy, and the future is waiting for you to claim all the happiness your heart can hold.

Answer 2

That therapist must be doing a heck of a job!
I think it's ok to feel that way of course. Have you confided this in your ex? I know that sounds like it will be painful and humiliating, but even in the worst case scenario you've said it, you know definitively that he does or doesn't want you back and you can face that truth. If not that, then get out there, meet people. Find a group or an organization or church and let others see how this experience has changed you and how you've adjusted and are ready to have a new life.

Yes, you lost the opportunity to love your husband as you feel you should have, but there is time, there are others, and they are waiting. Even if they're just good friends. But I do think it's important to have a discussion with your ex so he knows you've gotten help and you had a reason for your past behavior and that you're sorry. Wish him well, be the bigger person and you will probably earn a great deal of respect from him.

And seriously, why isn't your therapist helping you move on?

Answer 3

u can't heal because u are still living in the past, unfortunatly we can't go back and change things, and what u have learned about u, will help u in the next relationship, but not with this one. we have to just start over sometimes, the past is just that, just a bunch of good or bad memories, sometimes we are at falt sometimes it's the other guy. it's time to forgive yourself for whatever went on with your life back then, and move on and find a new life and a new mate, but always remember what caused the problems.

Answer 4

dropping a gd friendship is like dropping a chew of u interior. it is not person-friendly to get by potential of certainly yet nonetheless it somewhat is conceivable. I used to hv a gd fren, very gd fren (me is a guy fren) that we use to dangle out collectively, proportion all issues collectively or maybe talk our very own very own existence collectively. We hv been collectively for virtually 7 yrs considering i replaced right into a baby. Then a million day, he did betray me and make very depressing. He cheated me a ultimate fren for only $50! i replaced into so depress that I went eating til I inebriated. After that, i replaced into so tempted to get lower back to him and forget abt each thing yet a technique or the different something interior me only say it ain't precise, and that i persist with my heart. seems a tremendously confusing element to do in the beginning up yet quite it did no longer sense that onerous. i attempt to outlive with my on an prevalent basis existence and someplace down the line i found yet another gd fren who's plenty astounding than he's. See, whilst something needs to end, it does not constantly spell disaster. quite whilst something needs to end, it somewhat is genuinely the beginning up of a clean begining. So relax, do no longer complication. I constantly say, if its yours ,it's going to be yours! Take care.

Answer 5

You are real mixed up person and I think you still need help, you are living a life that has no meaning. You need to keep going for therapy because one day your going to have to face the fact that your husband is gone ,never to be no more. Your living in the past you need to wake up to reality. This was 8 years ago not yesterday, you need to understand you don't let him be free he is already free. You need to find a new therapist tomorrow, yesterday is gone you gotta live for today. I feel so sorry for you, get some new help. please, before it is to late.

Answer 6

forgive. something in your past is holding you back some event in which you were hurt, so that now instead of putting your feeling out there to be hurt you keep them locked away and for understandable reasons. its something we all have to deal with on some level or other. if you are able to find some one eventually have to trust him. its always hard to trust the ones we come to care about with our feelings for it is them who will have the ability to hurt us the most. in addition to that it takes about a year for us to completely let go of someone we love. be patient. try to forgive those whom have wronged you through the years. if you don't forgive them, it becomes like a weight you don't even realize you're carrying. the weight drags you down making it more and more difficult for you to move in all aspects of your life. if you have no love interest in your life now take this time to yourself for yourself to yourself in order. to set things right within yourself. i know its difficult to be by yourself and letting go but be strong. pray if you need to, but don't give up.

Answer 7

time does heal all wounds. it took me years to get over someone. i thought it ( i ) would never change.
pick up a few self help books and hang in there.
good luck