My husband I have been married for over 21 years. He filed for divorce 2 months ago or so. He said that he no longer loves me. 3 years ago he had a short afair, I was very forgiving and things were moving on I thought. He is again friends with the gal who had the afair with but says nothing is going on this time, but close friends. Sex is not our problem, he still tells me that sex with me is the best ever. We are still living in the same house for the time being but not for much longer. We have had sex only 2 times sense he filed for divorce. He says he really wants to, but doesn't want to give me false hope of getting back together, so no more sex either. I love him so much and want him back! If I can't have him back, how do I fall out of love with him like he did me?
2006-11-17 13:10:15 · 14 answers · asked by ezbe2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to love yourself more than you love him and from your question you don't.
Think about what he's done to you and how it's made you feel.
You deserve so much better and you'll never get it from him.
2006-11-17 13:15:44 · answer #1 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 18 years to a guy whom I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We have a beautiful, intellegent daughter, who is now 19. He told me almost the same as yours told you. He said he loved me, but was not IN love with me. He cheated. I got divorced from him, although I still loved him. What I learned is that you cannot make someone love you. They either do or they don't. It's sad, and it hurts a lot, but unless he wants to go to counseling, which isn't guaranteed to save your marriage, there really isn't much you can do. It will take a long time to get over him. I still love my ex. Mostly because we have our daughter and I want her to have a good relationship with him, but I realized a few years ago that you really can't go back. You can only go forward. I don't know that I could trust him again anyway and if you don't have trust, then you don't really have anything worth keeping. You need to find things to keep you busy and have friends or someone to talk to who will listen when you are feeling like life stinks. This probably doesn't help much, but hang in there. It really does get better. It just takes time. How much time is entirely up to you.
2006-11-17 21:32:22 · answer #2 · answered by Rebecca P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear about your situation. 21 years is a long time, a lot of shared experiences. I can understand why you are so eager to get him to love you again, but honestly, it sounds like you deserve much better. It is wonderful that you were able to forgive your husband of an affair, did he seek your forgiveness though? Perhaps your husband had felt your relationship had ended awhile back. It is odd that he is still friends with the woman, that is much more than most wives would be able to handle. Try questioning him as to why he is unhappy, explain your situation and see if you cant try it again, 21 years is a lot to give up like that. But if I were you I would make sure not to be taken for granted, even if he wants to make things work. Good Luck!
2006-11-17 21:24:01 · answer #3 · answered by ophierose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Want him back? Here's what you do:
1) Pack up his stuff and throw it out on the lawn while he's at work. Have the locks changed and when he comes banging on the door, tell him to go f*ck himself and that bimbo slut can go to hell.
2) Pack up your own stuff and leave while he's at work, leaving a short note that says, screw you ******, you can have that diseased slut, life is too short to waste on your drama - later.
Either way, he will be so shocked and will gain so much respect for you he will be back on his hands and knees in no time.
But you gotta wonder, why do you want to keep this turkey? Think about it. Are you too afraid to be alone? Is he a habit you don't want to break? Are you in love with him or the idea of him? Because in real life honey, he doesn't seem like a good risk.
2006-11-17 21:53:29 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a hard one, but what you need to do is think with your head and not your heart. Right now your thinking with your heart. As long as you do that you will get hurt.
He on the other hand is thinking with the wrong head. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, let him go and he will find out that its an optical illusion.
It sounds to me like your better off without him because even if you forgive him he will do it again and again. He has already proven that.
He wants his cake and to eat it too.
Good Luck Girlfriend, I know it hurts right now but take it from someone who has been there it does pass.
After my Ex did that I met a man that respects me enough to not even think about things like that and we have been happy for over 25 yrs now so life does go on.
I was able to put it behind me and my ex and I are now friends although we are both remarried and he told me that he respects me more now then when we were married because I stood up to him and didn't take his S***
Good Luck!
2006-11-17 21:44:55 · answer #5 · answered by unknown friend 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never just be able to fall out of love with him the way he did you because you still want him back. I think you should try to get help with the marriage. If he is not having an affair because the sex in the relationship is bad then why is he having an affair? Usually people have affairs because they are having sexual problems with their spouse. Try talking to him and find out if there is anything you can do to make him feel the way he did years ago. Good Luck!
2006-11-17 21:18:13 · answer #6 · answered by cmsmith114 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has happen to two of my friends. Her husband came home from work like he did for 21 years to his pretty wife and three sons, one adopted daughter, told her he'd like her to leave he didn't love her anymore. She left with the kids and never saw him again.
The other was married for 27 years, she move one day to a big city 125 miles away and never came home again, the kids were grown.
I can only say Honey: To leave, it hurts. Tell him he's the one that wants to leave, get out. Take him for everything you can and start your life over again. It's hard but that's life. Take care.
2006-11-17 21:24:27 · answer #7 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him file for divorce. You deserve better,you don't deserved to be cheated on. If the sex is great,what else is lacking? communication? not so much adventure? Is this woman younger? Most likely he wants to feel like a younger man again and be able to be with more then one woman.
You find someone else interested in you,be playful,not hookerish playful,show him you have options to,not just him,and you don't need him.
2006-11-17 21:23:41 · answer #8 · answered by Ellie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start dating and seeing other people. If you don't want that, then join some club or something to keep your mind off of him. You should see as little as possible of him, try not to see him at all. Put everything, memories, everything behind you and move on. It is going to be hard, but it's for the best.
2006-11-17 21:23:26 · answer #9 · answered by angelica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE IS HAVING A MID LIFE CRISIS
I don't know what to tell you except to move on
start dating while he still in the house ( in a word get him jealous)
maybe seing that other men wants you might make him realized what he is about to leave
and it will also give you some self esteem
Good luck
2006-11-17 21:17:09 · answer #10 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you love someone that cheated on you and want him back? He probably still has that girl on the side and has left you again. just give it up and start all over , you can find someone who won't step all over you and do you this way.
2006-11-17 21:16:18 · answer #11 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋