I have been with my boyfriend for a year and two months and things are pretty serious. There are a few issues with the relationship but the main one is his mother. She has been pretty disrespectful to me and is treats my boyfriend like he is still a little kid (he is 30). My boyfriend doesn't seem to see what me and even his own brother in law sees. She is manipulative and tries to tell him how to live his life. She is controlling and everything seems to be about her. She expects everyone to drop everything for her and rarely even acknowledges my existance. She is very cold to me despite me (in the beginning) going out of my way to try to be friends with her. I barely get anytime with my boyfriend as it is since he has primary custody of his 2 kids (3 and 5) who I adore. When we do get time, she is calling or wanting something from him. And I want us to be a family where we can raise his kids together but she seems to dictate everything. I love him but just don't know what to do
2006-11-17 11:23:02 · 11 answers · asked by Courtney L 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Ask him to set boundaries with his mom. He can always let the machine take her message and call her back later. Ask him to stand up for you when his mother treats you badly.
2006-11-17 11:26:02 · answer #1 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can TOTALLY relate. The only answer I can provide is the obvious. At some point your boyfriend will have to come to the realization that his mother is a witch. Maybe you can try couples therapy, it may help for an outsider to give him a clearer picture of what the problem is.Time goes by so fast and you don't want to be in a situation like this forever. Maybe try taking a break for awhile, as harsh as that may sound I think it's better to have a few weeks or months off rather than a lifetime of uncomfortableness with his mother, which I'm sure include holidays, birthdays etc... Hopefully during time apart he will come to the realization.GOOD LUCK!!
2006-11-17 19:35:30 · answer #2 · answered by jetgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way for you to be happy is for the two of you to move
far enough away so that it's impossible for his mother to dictate what he does every day. However, she will still dictate things at Holidays if you go and see her. His mother will never change, and if your boyfriend doesn't see what she's doing now, he won't ever see it -- please count on these 2 things. That really puts the responsibility onto you to make a decision -- move away or end the relationship. And even a 1.5 to 2 hour drive away would do the trick -- and at the same time keep the young children close enough to their mom and other relatives.
2006-11-17 19:29:10 · answer #3 · answered by LiveLifeBeGood 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This a very difficult situation. Boudaries will need to be set, but the boundaries will have to be set by your boyfriend to his mother. Listen, he is grown man and is allowing his mother to exhibit to much control over his life. Whether, he is afraid of his mother for whatever reason ( he may not want to cause problems with his relationship with her, or he believes he needs her in raising the children, or maybe he just does not know how to set boundaries with his mother, or he may be playing the Momma's boy syndrom ),either way you have a decision to make whether or not you want to enter into a marriage with this type of opposition against your marriage. To me it sounds as if both the mother and the son have some exteme growing up to do. I hope the best for you.
2006-11-17 19:33:32 · answer #4 · answered by MeToo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to read this, you need as much TLC as you can get in this scenario, might his mother don't try to please her any longer. I would suggest for you not to have any expectations from this relationship, or if you do , tell you boyfriend give him ultimatioun without rules and order we as humans will not survive! IT should be like this
1. You and you boyfriend
2. You , your boyfriend and his kids
3. Rest of the gang on holidays
And this my friend how it should be
You make it or someone else will make a different scenario for you !
Follow Your Heart!
2006-11-17 19:31:38 · answer #5 · answered by Tellie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run - as fast as you can. If your boyfriend doesn't seem to notice his mother's manipulative ways it probably means he doesn't see her actions in that manner. A marriage to a man who has a controlling mother is absolutely doomed to failure unless you move out of the state - one far enough away that she can't drive there.
Did this. Bought the shirt.
2006-11-17 19:28:47 · answer #6 · answered by artnsoul_89 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the male, in this case, has not "left home" either in his own mind or that of the mother, you can expect issues.
The solution is soley with him. Either he mentally leaves home or he doesn't.
If he does, nothing the mother will try to do will affect you both.
Many people, especially in specific cultures (Italian, Jewish, etc) never leave home. It's just not done.
2006-11-17 19:26:54 · answer #7 · answered by Up your Maslow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps u can take him to counseling.. either way, u need to find some way to COMMUNICATE w/ him. seems as tho he is oblivious. also, in a relationship, he should do his BEST to find out what is best for you and him...... that will show how much he cares about u. if he doesn't listen to u, there is a signal that he may not listen to u in the future about important things.
good luck.. that is not a good situation.
2006-11-17 19:26:14 · answer #8 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't break up with him because of his mom. you love him so stick with him. I mean you wouldn't break up with him because of his kids would you? and also ya been down for a minute. Don't throw that away because you don't want to know what could have been.
2006-11-17 19:26:43 · answer #9 · answered by ronnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should watch monster in law and get tips from there it might help
2006-11-17 19:26:14 · answer #10 · answered by mandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋