Should you care about sex if he loves you?

Question

My husband and I have been married a few years, he loves me very much, he likes to take care of me a lot and is always on my side whenever he is not at work. We do pretty much all of our activities together and we never seem to be bored of each other, it seems like the more we spend time together, the more we don't want to be apart from each other. I get lots of compliments from him too about my appearance. The only bizarre thing is just that he is not into sex at all, we rarely do it. We have discussed it many many times but nothing seems to change him. Any advice? should I leave him alone and live with the fact that that's the way it is and just enjoy the time together doing other things and loving each other or is it something that has to change?(I feel irritable when we don't do it more often)

Answer 1

Go to the toy store, buy a few *things, let him catch you, then he will get jealous, let him fuss (or drool excitedly as I would), but either way he will get the message. Or if you have a particular girl to spice things up (at least for yourself)...

Answer 2

If I didn't know better I would have thought that I wrote this question, this is exactly what my husband and I went through and still struggle with after 8 years. He was brought up differently than I was. I am a very sexual person and he is not. I get irritable as well and it is hard to deal with sometimes, because in every other way we are the ideal couple, our friends actually tell us all the time that they are envious of us. It does get easier depending on your ages, but I also now that I get everything I need from him. He is a wonderful man who loves me very much, and I am willing to make sacrifices as long as it doesn't get out of hand. He knows that I relate love to sex and he has to compensate for that. So we may go weeks, and than have a week were it is every night, but the only reason we have done so well is because we are open and honest about this issue. You need to be able to tell you husband the things that you need to make you happy and you need to know if this just that he isn't a sexual person or if there is something else going on. Good luck

Answer 3

Well, speculations are wonderful, but they are just that. NOT answers. However they are quite interesting speculations fellow answerers I must admit. Rolling all their advice in with this just might give you the last push you need to get this pony moving like a horse. You did say rarely, so I am assuming you do have sex at some point from time to time. Maybe he would be more into it if you were both doing different things. Hear me out . . . . maybe, JUST maybe, he has fetishes or things that are "out of the ordinary" that get his juices flowing and is too embarassed or ashamed to talk about them. `You might be on the right track to slowly start trying to break through to him asking little questions here and there or dropping subtle hints that maybe you would like to try something off the wall. You might just unleash the beast so to speak. Just a though . . . hope it helps ;)

Answer 4

Other than the obvious, it sounds like you've got a great guy. It's such a shame because you sound like you have a great marriage. Some people just have a "lower" sex drive than others. He may be one of those people.

Only you are going to be able to decide how much this matters to you. You are looking at a "lifetime" commitment with your husband. That's a very long time if you aren't "satisfied" and it sounds like it's already beginning to cause you to be "irritable".

I think you're going to have to do a lot of "soul searching" before you make any decisions. I wish you well with this.

Answer 5

I was in the same situation not that long ago, my boyfriend and i were living together for about 3 years and the same exact thing was going on but we never had sex. i wondered for so long, i mean we did but like 1 or 2 times in about 3 months. for a long time i thought oh well he loves me but after awhile it starts to take it toll. we broke up but we are still very much friends. I think he is gay but he wont admit it. i now live with a new boyfriend and we have sex all the time. He is what a real man is suppose to be like.

Answer 6

Did he change into this person after marriage or has he always been like that? If it's the latter you already knew what to expect.

I feel you on the irritability thing. I go crazy if I'm not sexually medicated several times a week. I certainly feel your pain. However, I guess you will have to just make the best of it or try and get him more interested.

If you pounce on him does he MAKE you stop? If not, just keep doing that and feel blessed.

Answer 7

Has he always been this way? Has he seen a doctor about it? My husband is exactly the same way, have always been since the day we met. I couldn't change that; I made a choice to marry him, and feel it would be unfair to demand that he change. It is possible that it might be a medical issue, my doctor suggested to have his testosterone levels tested; low testosterone can cause low sex drive, and it can be treated. Perhaps someday we'll get around to doing it! I would strongly advise to have him see a doctor if it bothers you this much. It just doesn't really bother me because my sex drive is very low, too.

Answer 8

Is he in a stressful job? Because if he is, stress can have an effect on men in bed. But I can understand that your frustrated, but like someone else said, he's very focused on your relatioship and it means more to him than just sex.

But I think there may be some issues as to why he's not as interested in sex. But sit down and talk about it with him, it's the only way you will find out.

Answer 9

Sounds like you guys have a great relationship-maybe he is just uncomfortable with sex period-the act of it, not you. Try talking to him about it, telling him you would like more. If it doesn't work and you can live with things this way remember-you can get sex anywhere, you cannot get being in love too easily. Which is more important to you.

Answer 10

Tell him you need more sex. Tell him that you are not happy without it and that you have needs. Tell him you won't cheat on him, but that something's gotta give.
My husband and I had to come to the same agreement. He is so incredible to me, but I just needed more physical 'contact'.
I talked to him about it, and he agreed that he is great.
No, he said he would work on being more open to doing it more often. It worked really well! I am very satisfied now, and all it took was a little prodding. (hee hee)

Answer 11

This is actually a big problem. The first thing he needs to do is get a complete physical exam, including blood work to determine the level of testosterone in his system.