Help! Husband vs. Mother?

Question

K, my situation is complex!
My hub. n I have only been married 2 years but have been living together 10. My mother had cancer, I bought a bigger house, moved her in with then fiancés approval...over a year conflicts, things mellowed, marriage, things got insane, conflicts more and more, we are all control freaks, *HIS MAJOR FLAWS: he abuses prescrip. valium and mary jane, mom never totally approved, nor do I of his drug use any more of which he now blames my mom...he propositioned a friend....AFTER marriage...
Just a total mess.
I love him but don't trust him.
Could I ever make it work or am I sadomasochistic (sp)? Is it all my and my mom's fault...
I'm a mommy's girl. She cared for me for years after a debilitating accident...
Who do I choose?

Does husband ALWAYS come first?

Much more to story but it's like a novel.

Answer 1

I think you, mom and hubby should take some Valium and smoke some Mary Jane's together and forget all your problems together. LOL

Or use what god gave you for situations like this. Its called your sixth sense INTUITION. If you have one, now is the time to use it....
Good Luck

Answer 2

Well first off l don't believe you should ever have to choose between your mum and your husband, but having said that you must weigh up all the positives and negitives of your mother and your marriage. As far as the drug addiction goes there is plenty of help out there if he so chooses to get some.The fact that he propositioned a friend is a worry though. Do you think it was because he was so frustrated with your whole situation ? I am not making excuses for him by any means, just looking for reasons for his behaviour. The fact that you say you are all control freaks makes things hard as l guess you probably all think you are always right. You say you are a mummy's girl, well nothing wrong with that as long as your husband is treated as fairly as your mum.Only you can decide how important your marriage is to you. Your husband also has to take a long hard look at the marriage and see what is important to him. In a perfect world everyone would get along, but unfortunately there is no such thing so we all have to work at it. All of your problems you have mentioned are fixable they just need to be ironed out by you, your husband and lastly your mum. I personally could not live with my mum as l know she would interfere and that would cause problems in my marriage but each to their own l guess. There is that old saying blood is thicker than water but in this case l'm really not sure that applies. I personally think you married your husband for better or worse and your mum will always be your mum, but she should not be allowed to influence your decisions in your marriage. I understand that she was there for you when you needed her but isn't that what us mums do ? As a mum all l want for my children is happiness, it's up to them how they get it, l wouldn't interfere. I really feel for you, l think you have quite a rocky road ahead, but only you can decide which is the best path for you to take. We can only try and help you choose the right one. Best of luck with everything

Answer 3

Dude! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE MARY JANE!!!

This is not your mothers fault. He is the one acting like a complete idiot and you are the one enabling him by sticking around. You need to grow up. Either leave him or stop whining about his behavior. That simple.

You would let hime smoke pot in the house where you cancer ridden mother lives. That is really intelligent. She should move somewhere else where it is healthy for her. That is a great way to treat your mother.

Answer 4

Just my opinion but if he's the one doing drugs and propositioning people - I don't really see how your Mom plays into this. It appears he is using HER as an excuse for his behavior. Your Mom will always be your Mom - you need to decide if you really need him and his flaws. Excuses are not going to keep you together. Action will. He needs to stop the drug use and then you can decide the next step.

Best of luck

Answer 5

Your husband is starting to look for a way out, if you want to fix it, than you are the one that is going to have to give up the most. I know it sucks, but it's true. The questions you need to ask yourself are; Did he abuse drugs before your mother moved in? Were you having major problems before you mother moved in? Does what your mother say influence how you are with your husband? Does your husband want to be happy with you? If your husband wants you, he has to understand that you come with a sick mother, but he also has to know that you have is back if he is right. If your husband did drugs before you were married, than you new that this was a problem. You have a long road ahead of you. To start you need to ask your husband what he wants, than work from there.

Answer 6

You really cannot have two families live together in a house like that. And when you married your husband for better or worse you meant it right? You and your husband need to work out your problems on your own. He is your family now and main priority. Maybe after you work things out between you two you can work things out between him and mom. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I belive the right thing do for you right now is to make yourself some hot tea , and read a really good book about drama and deep beatiful love story like Jane Eyer

Answer 8

i will understand why your husband is indignant. Your mom is spreading rumors that are untrue! What a poor place for him to be in! I specific wish which you have talked on your mom, and permit her comprehend that what she is doing is despicable, and which you will no longer tolerate it! additionally, i'm hoping which you have talked on your kin to "set the record at cutting-edge". What she is doing is inaccurate. Forgive me, i comprehend that she is your mom. i do no longer think of that he's over reacting in any respect. in spite of the undeniable fact that, if he's your husband, does not the vehicle belong to the two considered one of you? I say %. up your mom, and characteristic a surprising long chat approximately how her LIES are affecting your loved ones. You suggested this: "He says he does not like her because of the fact she makes use of her youngsters for funds...and treats human beings like crap and talks crap at the back of their backs." tell me one difficulty, is this actual? if so, than I actually have a rather good variety of sympathy on your husband, you, and the entire kin. no one would desire to ever would desire to submit with such BS. extremely from "kin".

Answer 9

Parents are important but sometimes to save your marriage you have to put your husband before your parents. Maybe you can help your husband get over his problems. It depends on what you want to do. Do you want to save the marriage? Or have you tried everything possible to make it right but he doesnt do anything? Sometimes when its done its done and you cannot do anything about it. I am sorry about your situation. If you have kids involved. Please consider fixing your marriage because they get affected the most by divorce. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Give him an ultimatium either to stick with you and take the initiative to give up drugs. Other than that... ask yourself who nursed you and was there for you throughout your whole life... I assume that's your mom. Mom's trump drug-addicted husbands w/o kids.