A few years ago my mother inlaw was very critical of me, the way I dressed and spoke. She got her sister inlaw to side with her. Down the track I dont realy trust her. To keep things calm and because there are grand children how do I get along with this person.
2006-11-17 11:11:05 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have her killed and thrown in the river that's what I wish I did. My ex's family all hated me even though I was the one who supported him and treated him better then they did.But after 6 years he still wouldn't stand up for me so I got sick of the drama and left his jobless ***.My point you ask is this.If they won't die just stay the hell away from them cause once a mother has it in her head that your not good enough for her baby boy not even death is gonna change her mind.You could die tomorrow and she'd probably dance on your grave(mother in laws like that are all the same)
2006-11-17 11:18:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I just wrote an article all about this on my site! You can read the whole thing in the Family section on coffeytalk.com - here's the gist of it:
1. Remember that the first thing you two have in common is that you both love the same man: her son, your husband. This doesn’t have to be a competition for his time and attention. You each hold a special place in his heart.
2. Have an attitude of gratitude. If it weren’t for your mother-in-law, your husband wouldn’t be here! Thank her for that. She has a lot to do with the man your husband is today. For all those good qualities he has, whether genetic or learned, thank her.
3. Be respectful. This woman has been through a lot in her life. She should be valued. Ask her questions, tap into her wealth of knowledge. Let her share her experiences with you.
4. Spent time together. Get to know this new person in your life. Take her to lunch, or have a spa day, have fun and laugh like girlfriends. These times when you get along great and there is no conflict will go along way to helping smooth things over when an inevitable disagreement comes along.
5. Be kind. Give compliments, send cards, remember her birthday and other special occasions. Smile when you see her. Bring flowers or a gift when you go to visit. When you put out kindness, that’s what you get back. Kindness softens the heart.
6. Speak up, and also listen. If something is bothering you, or you feel like you’re being put in a situation where you are not comfortable, clear the air. Don’t let things fester. Be clear so that there are no misunderstandings. Let your mother-in-law talk to you when she needs to, and listen to what she has to say.
7. Understand that you can never change another person, you can only change your response to any given situation. Look at what you can do to make your relationship with your mother-in-law better. Don’t have any expectations about what she “should” do or say or how she “should” behave. Learn to love her for who she is, as she is, not for who or how you want her to be.
8. Be yourself. Relax. You don’t have to be perfect, and trying to be perfect will only put pressure on your mother-in-law to try to be perfect, too. It’s okay to let her see you without your make-up on. It’s okay that you aren’t “superwoman.” When you let your guard down, your mother-in-law will, too.
2006-11-17 11:15:04 · answer #2 · answered by coffeytalk.com 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I don't know if you believe in a higher power of some sort. However, it is my belief that God may insert people or situations into your life in order to help you develop into the best person you can be for yourself and/or someone else. This mother-in-law will learn a lesson from you even if she doesn't show it to others, or you. This doesn't mean that you have to put up with abuse, and you may need to distance yourself when able to do so. I wouldn't trust her. I would trust in the experience and what it is going to teach you about yourself and how you treat others, but most importantly, how you treat yourself.
2006-11-17 11:21:19 · answer #3 · answered by tatesgr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married into this exact situation for 21 years. Fact is--it doesn't get any easier. But out of respect for my husband I tolerate A LOT. However, when it starts with our kids - I kick back. Criticism can only go so far. So what if she doesn't like my choices in decor or clothes - I don't like hers. The difference is - she's shallow enough to say it - and I'm big enough to refrain. You'll find a happy medium. It might not be easy - but always remember - HE picked you - she didn't.
2006-11-17 11:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
By realizing that you don't get along with her. I wouldn't trust her and watch what you say, remain superficial, keep your distance.
Never devalue her to the children. In front of the children, find things to praise her for and do it without sounding phony, or don't do it at all. Always present the picture you want to appear it as and never feed into any negatives she might throw at you. Keep in mind, it only bothers you if you let it so don't let it. Do not give her the power over you by letting it bother you. You have this choice, take it.
2006-11-17 11:55:43 · answer #5 · answered by moire1111 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can completely relate to the whole issue of feeling like your Mother in law mistreats you. I have a close group of friends that all get along wonderfully with their mom-in-law and it's hurtfull to see but, I have reached the point in life where I have given up on trying to make her like me or accept me. I realize that it's her loss and not mine because I have made every attempt to be friends with her and it's just not meant to be. Sometimes in life, you just have to say it's not worth the worry and there will come a time when your mom in law and maybe mine too, will need us and when that time comes, she'll realize how much she's missed by being a miserable person.
2006-11-17 11:26:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to stand up for yourself and not let her walk all over you.
Your husband is also being insulted by his mother as basically shes making him out to be stupid in picking you for his wife!
She must feel threatened by you in some way, or maybe just jealous that another woman besides her has taken over as number one in his life! You dont have to have a stand up row, but maybe see her on your own and tell her that although she may not like you ,as her sons wife and mother of her grandchildren you deserve kindness and respect and your children shouldnt have to see their mother belittled by any member of the family, also remember your husband chose you and he knew how you spoke and dressed, I think he should have a quiet word with this paragon whom he has to call'mammy'!!
2006-11-17 11:37:45 · answer #7 · answered by gaelgal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't act like a shy girl! You are a grown woman and you have boundaries! You were not put on earth to impress anyone. You don't have to walk on egg-shells for an opinionated mom. in law. If you do things will get worse in the future. What ever she don't like she will just have to get over it!! Just like the rest of us. Getting her sis.-in law just shows how catty and juvenile she is!
2006-11-17 11:23:09 · answer #8 · answered by Dotr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, naughty. May be, the best you could do is to try to understand her reasons. She is probably jealous, because you're younger, pretty , successfull, nice, with good friends ,great children, loving husband ( in addition you took her son away !!). Once you figure it out, don't you believe it is HER problem wether or not she likes you ? Why should YOU care ?
2006-11-17 11:37:21 · answer #9 · answered by aline b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her that you don't like her and that if she would like to ignore you that would be fine with you. Tell you wife that you have told your mother law this and explain that you are not being nasty to the old bat just practical
2006-11-18 01:22:07 · answer #10 · answered by roybester2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋