my friend needs an excuse to tie her tubes.....?

Question

okay i have a friend who is 38 with four kids and her husband is in prison.........he has been telling her that when he gets out he wants to try and have another baby. she does not want any more kids but cant tell him this now (while he is in prison) because he is very jealous (he would beat her up) and will automatically assume that she is having an affair and that is why she wants to tie her tubes........

...........so is there anything that she can say to her husband to make him believe that it was highly recommended for her to get her tubes tied?? like.......they a cancerous orsomething??........she wants to do it while he is in there and just not tell him.....but she is scared that one day she will get sick or have an infection of some sort due to tying her tubes. and the drs will tell her husband ''well sir your wife's life is in danger because of tying her tubes'' he will freak out and probably kill the dr.....


so now that you know the story is there anything that she can say

Answer 1

She could say that she was having problems with the eggs getting stuck in the tubes and it was possible this could lead to syst on her tubes or ovaries which could put her in danger of needing to have her uterus, ovaries and tubes removed completly. Start by telling him she is having pain during her period and she needs to see a doctor about the clotting and really painful cramping. Then tell him she went to the doctor and he recommend getting her tubes tied as a solution. DO NOT USE CANCER if you really had it they would remove the entire thing. This will really freak him out and he will want a lot of information to make sure she is OK. Guys get kind of grossed out when you talk about periods so they don't ask a lot of questions.

PS- Tell her I really feel for her. Been there and done that. It is really scary. To all you who tell her to leave you don't understand the helplessness she feels to have 4 kids at 38 years old. She hasn't realized that she can find someone else who will treat her and her kids good and that she can actually go some where that HE WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND HER (I know the line he uses "If you ever leave me or take my kids from me I will hunt you down and kill you-you can't hide from me- you will always have to check your review mirror because you never know when I will be in it) and that not telling everyone where she is at will not deny her kids and make them as resentful as they will be if she stays. I know I just realized it myself a year ago.

Answer 2

I used to date a girl who before she dated me told me a story of how her boyfriend before me accussed her of cheating because she was going on the pill. It sounds as if the guy is insecure and doesn't trust her...why is she married to a man who doesn't trust her?

Here's what one of my former lovers told me. She got her tubes tied while still married because the children she had were all she could afford it doesn't make sense to have more kids when you can barely take care of the ones you have and your friend is 38. When you get into your 40's your children run a higher risk of birth defects and she runs a higher risk of an etopic pregnancy or miscarriage. Now that i'm married i had a vacetomy and i'm not about to go out and hump every girl i can there's always HPV and that won't hurt a guy but it can seriously mess up a girl.

She should due to her age as a precaution because the older she gets the bigger her chance of a baby having down's syndrome or other defects that can be costly. One other fact about the girl i knew who had her tubes tied is you couldn't really tell she just had a tiny scar below her navel.

Complications of having her tubes tied are hyperrare she may want to go for an abdominal not a vaginal. Only 6% of women have any complications from an abdominal one but a vaginal one has less harmful complications. She may also want to have her ovaries removed too.

He may be thinking that by getting his wife pregnant he's making up for being thrown in the pokey but if this is his line of thinking he's wrong. Women who have husbands in prison do cheat though so if she's not then i salute her fidelity. I took a woman home from the club one night and during her climax she yelled out "You **** better than my husband!" afterward she told me "he's in prison so don't worry."

Riiiigghhht. never talked to her again.

Sagewithin is right though. The guy is a control freak she should leave him but i'm not naive enough to think she will after all they have kids and a history. It may be best but that is up to her.

Answer 3

Ok, let's examine this problem. She doesn't want to have kids with him, and her husband has the potential to be abusive. So her quandry is how to get a tubal ligation and lie about the reason for it so that he won't beat her up. By the way, what does jealousy have to do with reproduction? Your friend has bigger problems than this.

Why doesn't she just sneak the pill for birth control? What about getting an IUD or something? I don't really think that he's going to get the call in prison about her life threatening condition if she has the procedure anyway. He's the last person I'd pick for an emergency contact. What decision making power should he or could he have? And the best you can come up with is that her tubes are cancerous?

Has anyone really thought this one out?

Answer 4

She shouldn't be havong anymore kids anyway. Th eolder she is the more risks and complications could arise. She could tell her husband that her doctor said that if she has another child there is a like majorly high percentage that they could both not make it out alive. I don't know...it could work. But she could also try to get on birth control. That seems like its more easier to hide than tube tying. But she may be too old for that too. Sh eshould talk to her doctor about both even about the risks that could arise if she would have anothe kid. Or mayb eshe should just tell the husband the truth. She doesn't want anymore and to look at the future. She would be in her late 50's when the child would graduate. Good Luck!

Answer 5

First of all he's in prison and she's watching after these kids herself and second those kids don't need to be an abusive environment like that anyway.And she should have told him that she's already taking care of 4 kids by herself and she don't want to have anymore right now and expose another child to abuse or being raised without a father. Your friend really needs to get a backbone and move out before he comes out anyway because at this rate it sounds like their all in prison as long as she has to do what he wants, when he wants that's not a healthy enviornment at all. She needs to step out on faith and let those kids live a happy life if she doesn't want one for herself.

Answer 6

If she can't talk to him honestly and tell him she simply doesn't want another child, what kind of marriage do they have? And if there is any question of him raising a hand to her, their marriage is not worth the paper it's written on.

She does not need an excuse but it might be worth her simply being honest with him. On her next visit she should stand up to him, tell him "I'm sorry, love, but I really can't face having another baby and I want to be sterilised." If she really wants to do it without telling him, she could but I was sterilised in 1998 and I still have scarring so she would have to speak to them before and ask them to stitch her up very carefully. I believe it's possible for them to do that so she will have very little scarring. Even so he might still notice and to be honest and up front from the beginning may still be the best policy. If he's that jealous, maybe she should ask him why he thinks she still visits him in prison. There aren't that many women who'd do that - I certainly wouldn't. Being a villain would be bad enough - being a violent villain would be a huge turn-off!

Answer 7

Honestly, she needs to stay away from him. Why would she want to be around an abusive husband. Divorce would be my answer. If he abuses her, that is not good for the kids. I would file while he is in prison and get a restraining order. You already know he is abusive, so he obviously has done this before. I wouldn't lie, I would get a divorce and get the kids away from him.

He needs help. I know you won't like my answer. I would protect my friend the best I could. I would encourage her to get out while she could. It is easier when he isn't around. Her kids do not need to grow up knowing it is ok to be abused or it is ok to abuse someone else. It is not ok.

Answer 8

Your asking the wrong question. The question should be; How can she get away from the jail bird psycho before he beats her again?!
She needs to get a restraining order against him, and get help from a woman's shelter if she has little money and needs to get away from him without him stalking her.
Depending on what state she lives in, she could get her kids taken away from her because of domestic violence. If she doesn't want to leave him because she "loves him" then she really doesn't have any self esteem or enough love for her children to take them away from that violent environment.
As far as getting a medical reason for getting ones tubes tied, I can't think of one.

Answer 9

Why does she need an excuse? It is her body. She is the one that would have to go through with the pregnancy, not him. Who's to say he won't end up BACK in prison, with her raising 5 kids by herself? If they had a healthy relationship to begin with, I'd say it would be open for discussion between them. But it doesn't seem like it's a healthy one. I say the hell with it, get them tied.

Answer 10

well if shes 38 menopause is just around the corner.....*hint*
or cervical weakness/ high risk potentially fatal pregnancy resulting in fetus death/ still birth and loss of life to mother
very colorful reasons right there i should know my ex has some of these same symptoms tying her tubes was a no brainer.