Poem For My Love - any comments please )?

Question

From Your Bunny-Bear

The One I Love


I'm Sat Here Alone, Deep In Thought,
Where Did I Go Wrong? We Never Fought!

Time Was Required,
You Needed Some Space
To Sort Out Your Feelings,
To Think And Embrace

I Fell For You Quick,
I Fell Hard And Deep
With My Head In My Hands
I Just Lay Here And Weep

Starting Out, We Had Good Fun
To Where You'd Be, I Would Run
Like A Child At Christmas, You Brightened My Day
Here In My Arms Is Where I Wish You Had Stayed

Holding You Tight, While You Slept,
I Knew The Truth, But Failed To Accept
The Love Was There, But For Me It Not Be,
I Knew All Along, That You Loved Danny

Answer 1

From Your Bunny-Bear

The One I Love


I'm Sat(sad?) Here Alone, Deep In Thought,
Where Did I Go Wrong? We Never Fought!

Time Was Required, (required is so routine sounding, can it be "needed"?)
You Needed Some Space
To Sort Out Your Feelings,
To Think And Embrace

I Fell For You Quick, (quickly I fell for you,)
I Fell Hard And Deep (falling deep and hard)
With My Head In My Hands
I Just Lay Here And Weep

Starting Out, We Had Good Fun (change "good fun," it doesnt' fit, suggestion ----"starting out remembering the fun we had?")
To Where You'd Be, I Would Run (suggestion "I would run where ever you would go")
Like A Child At Christmas, You Brightened My Day
Here In My Arms Is Where I Wish You Had Stayed

Holding You Tight, While You Slept,
I Knew The Truth, But Failed To Accept
The Love Was There, But For Me It Not Be,
I Knew All Along, That You Loved Danny


These are only suggestions. Remember poems DO NOT HAVE TO RHYME. I realized that poems that don't rhyme have a greater impact on how it sound to me. To get your point across just tell her how you feel. Summary, it was pretty good, I especially liked the first two lines in the last paragraph, but it could have been better just don't rhyme so much (I do that alot).

Answer 2

It's all wonderful and mushy, but you really need to sit down and fix your grammar, spelling, punctuation, and rampant use of capitalization, or find someone who knows how.

Wow, I want to party with the guy above me. I take it you will be watching that big race on Sunday? lol

Answer 3

Don't waste life being depressed over what WAS,you will see one day that everything does happen for a reason and whatever this person did that hurt you will only make you stronger!!!BELIEVE in yourself!!! I have been there,don't fall in tha trap,there are better days ahead..........

Answer 4

Well, spelling mistake in first sentence: "I'm" should be changed to "I". And you contradicted yourself: "where did I go wrong", and "I knew the truth", just doesn't flow. Otherwise it's ok for the sappy people.

Answer 5

cute

Answer 6

that some good poem

Answer 7

very nice