I have known him since forever and he just came out to his friends and family. Most of our mutual friends took it really hard and have decided not to be his friend anymore. Personally I really don't care, I have known him long enough to know that he is happier now than he has been in a LONG time. But, now my friends want less and less to do with me since I am friends with a "fag" (excuse the word usage). What can I do to make them calm down about this and see that it has made him a happier person, and that it is not some type of desies that they can catch. He isn't attracted to any of them, but they still freak out now when they see him.
I don't want to stop being his friend, especially since he could use a few good ones right now. But I don't want to loose the rest of my friends over this either.
What can I do?
P.S.I am not gay, so no stupid jokes. Serious answers only please.
2006-11-17 09:37:33 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It is really something that I feel I have always known, so it really didn't take it as a big surprise.
Why did our other friends?
Oh yeah, his father has "disowned" him for the moment.
2006-11-17 09:39:32 · update #1
There's really not much you can do, since you probably won't change your other friends' minds about this situation. However, they might be hurting because they feel like they've been betrayed - maybe they think that this person they thought they knew isn't the person they thought he was at all. Maybe calling him names is their way of venting this frustration. If this is the case, maybe you could talk to them about how hard it is to admit one's sexual orientation, especially when family relationships are at stake, that there was a reason he had to keep it a secret. Make sure you keep supporting your homosexual friend, because with all of the opposition (especially the family opposition), he really needs you right now. If these people can't accept your decision to remain friends with this person, then they probably aren't friends worth keeping, if they were ever really friends at all. In any case, I don't believe in homosexuality myself, but I hope that you and your friend are able to find peace in resolving this situation.
2006-11-17 09:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by Persephone 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You cannot do anything to make these other people "calm down" about your friend that just came out. It sounds like these people have their own biases and preconceived notions about gay dudes. Maybe they will outgrow them, maybe they will not. Only time and life experience will sort that out for them.
However, if you don't want to stop being the gay dude's friend, then don't stop being his friend. If the others no longer like you for that, then are they really people that sound genuine to you? Being a "true" friend includes helping people you care about through tough times.
Trust me, when you are 30 you will be much happier that you helped someone who really needed it rather than gave in to the desire to not lose these other "friends".
Some day you will be in a bind about something and will need people to lean on. You never know, this gay dude may be the very person to help you out of an as-yet unforeseen jam. Even if he's not, these other "friends" have already shown you how they act when things get tough, and apparently they are not very genuine or loyal.
Like I said, some day you will be in a bind about something and will need people to lean on. Ultimately you should do what you would want others to do for you if you were in a rough spot in your life. Your karma will only be the better for it.
2006-11-17 22:49:07 · answer #2 · answered by Todd R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your gay friend needs your support. To abandon him now would only confirm what he feared all along, and reinforce the message that he is so flawed to be unacceptable and unlovable the way he is. Sadly, it sounds like that's pretty much what everyone else is doing.
Your other "friends" are plankton. If they would hold your friend's gayness against him, and hold your caring and compassionate nature against you, should their opinions really matter to either of you? (I actually wouldn't be surprised at all if some of them dropped your gay friend like a hot potato because they're insecure in their own sexuality.)
I think you know what you ought to do, but this is not to say that it's easy. The last thing anyone wants is to become an outcast, but sometimes doing the right thing means sacrificing some popularity.
The bright side is that you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you are both a good friend and a decent person, and maybe you'll attract more friends of similar character. Best of luck!
2006-11-17 17:56:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you don't care about your friend coming out shows that you are a true friend and know that he is still the same person.
Who do you think will be there for you when you really need a good friend; the friends who will only be your friends if you only hang around certain people, or the friend that you were there for when they needed a good friend?
Since your other friends want less and less to do with you because of who else you are friends with, they don't seem like very good friends. It seems like they only care about themselves and if you ever need them for something they'll drop you as a friend, too. If they make fun of your gay friend, just tell them that you are 100% sure that you are straight and if they are so scared of being around him they must not know if they are or not.
2006-11-17 17:54:58 · answer #4 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
This is a test of character for you.
Your friend needs support, now more than ever. The other people around him turned out to be acquaintances instead of friends.
In time, maybe some of these other people will see that your friend is still the same person he was before he came out. MAYBE... But don't hold your breath.
You know in your heart what is the right thing to do.
2006-11-17 21:46:40 · answer #5 · answered by circle_sabine 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just give them time to adjust to it and accept it. You need to remain his friend because he needs you now more than ever. Try to tell your friends how you really see the situation and how you really feel and maybe they will start to look at it from your point of view. You know who is the most reasonable of the friends and start there so you will get back up from them as well. They need to know that he is the same person he always was.
2006-11-18 00:18:20 · answer #6 · answered by cmsmith114 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do what you feel is right that only one who dicide who talks to who is you. You pick your friends and you hang out with who ever you want no matter is a person is gay or not everyone have something good to offer and if you (straight) friends walk away than you really dont need friendship that would walk away in the time of need.
2006-11-17 17:58:48 · answer #7 · answered by Samuel G 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can't change those that are hostile to your friend and now to you. They will eventually move on to something else and not get so worked up about him or you.
Continue being his friend, and keep being yourself. If you bend to pressure to drop him as a friend then you will do more harm to him than all the hostile words he has heard so far.
Sometimes being a man means making tough choices and standing up for what is right, not what makes us popular. Thats a pretty tall order for an adult, even harder if you are still a teen (and we'd empathize if you cant stick it out) but its one of those tests life throws at you to prove what kind of man you will be.
My money is on you doing the right thing, you sound pretty smart.
2006-11-17 17:47:41 · answer #8 · answered by imaginary friend 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to change their minds. To quote Ron White, "You can't fix stupid, stupid is forever".
Of course, as has been said, true friends stick by you through the good and the bad, and love you no matter what. Anyone who turns their back on someone for being who they are is a bad person to be around.
2006-11-17 17:48:24 · answer #9 · answered by MysticTortoise 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First, I have to say that I am very impressed at your maturity. I think you have already answered your own question, in a way. Personally, I think it is more valuable to have one true friend than a bunch of false ones. School is but a sliver of the rest of your life. Stick by a true friend who needs your support and company.
2006-11-17 19:40:26 · answer #10 · answered by U2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋