My wife ran off with her first lover from 30 yrs ago..ruined our 25 year marriage. wHY?

Question

I found out in May she says she never meant for it to go far, it was an emotional phone connection first. She says she wanted to work on the marriage. Through 3 therapists she lied about not seeing or speaking to him..come to find out after 5 months of me trying she was always still speaking and seeing him. Now she blames me for stuff I did 5 years ago 15 years ago and even when we were dating 28 years ago..stuff she never complained about before. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE MY 30 YEARS..DIDN'T HOLD UP TO 5 MONTHS WITH HER FIRST LOVER AT 14 YEARS OLD

One thing she was pregnant by this guy at 14..had the abortion...

He was married 2x this time for 20 years,his wife knew nothing until I told her..she was shocked too

the hardest part is she's blaming me...that if she was really happy...she wouldn't be affected the way sshe has, dr tell het its like adrug..she just shook her head and told everyone that we didn't understand

She is the love of my life....

she finally left Oct 1 when I said she had to amke a choice..she filed a wek alater..my kids 23, 20, & 16 and friends said they never saw it coming..she always bragged about us...

Answer 1

Sorry, that sucks. Sounds like unresolved issues from her past. Not necessarily anything you have done or not have done at all.

Answer 2

Dude your wife is a big time hoe. I'm 17 right now and I've been with 6 girls. Your wife's the type to be pushed around a party when she's all drunk like this one girl I know. I wouldn't even touch a girl that's been with 10 guys. 30 is even worse man. She has more miles on her than a 1972 Mustang Boss 302. I would never even look at her. To be honest she probably smiles in getting deep dicked. Ughhhh imagine if your son was to find out. He'll probably run away.

Answer 3

30 years firstly wow that is an amazing thing to accomplish.....I bet the other guy won't hold out that long. When somebody falls for another person it's because they were looking and they did want the newness spark and that will not last. Don't blame yourself...we all do wrong stuff and it your wife was holding grudges from 5, 15 and 28 years ago that was her issue she didn't bring them up than and sort them out. If I was you I'd talk to a counselor alone...run through all the emotions you have at the moment....the big thing is when one door closes the wind from it open others...get ready for those doors :)

Answer 4

she blames u so she can justify her actions, had nothing to do with anything u did, has to do with her and the other man, and his pushing her into it. no we never do see it coming, to us we think our marriage is secure, especially after all those years. something inside of her some discontent caused this. sure it hurts, and we don't quite understand how on earth it could have happened. but it does, and we have to stop living in denial.all the therapy in the world won't help this, just have to let it play out, have to let her see for herself if this is what she wants. the things that happened years ago are not why she left, she left because for now the new man is showing her attention, and making her feel special. we can't understand why they would just throw away all those years, with someone they don't even know, but it happens, and when it does all the pleading, therapy, and trying to make them see logic won't do any good, they are out to make themselves feel important and special, because they have a low self worth. the other guy has alot more power over her than what u know. best to let it play out, and hopefully she will see the truth about him and come home, that is if u still want her. when we are hurt we go through different cycles, of loving them, denying they are at falt, and also anger over what they put us through. perhaps when she does come to her senses maybe u will have gotten over her, and moved on. love without trust never works, your marriage as u knew it doesn't really exist anymore, and we don't stay in the pain forever, we do move on in our thoughts. good luck to u, don't get all wrapped up in someone who isn't trustworthy.

Answer 5

You sound like a catch. No offense, but do you want her back when she's obviously not right in the head? Read through what you just said. She lied to YOU. She lied to the THERAPIST. And she probably lies to the other guy too. Good grief, what is there to want? Run! Wave your arms in the air and do the high five! You got out! And go be checked for STDs, by the way, because if she's lied about some of it, she probably lied about other stuff too.

Answer 6

Do you still love her after 30 years, most men after 30 years are little tired of someone after those many years. Get out find you a little doll and let the good times roll, you may surprise your self what is out there just waiting for you to come along. She has probably had him on her mind the whole time and got the chance to be with him and really you probably better off without her.

Answer 7

I am sorry that you are hurting...she is going through what is called a "mid life crisis". Were you her first lover? Was she a teenager or very young adult when she got married? Perhaps she feels that she may have missed out on the normal coming-of-age dating and relating, and is trying to recapture her youth. Whatever the case may be, she will soon realize that her behavior is unacceptable, and will call you to apologize. Be patient and understanding with her. You obviously love her, now is the time to prove it.

Answer 8

Man my heart bleeds for you. So people always think about the love they had and lost. What their lives would be like if they had been with this other person all this time. It sounds like she is romanticizing her puppy love. But she doesn't realize they are two grown people now, that they have almost a life time between them. For your sake don't be there for her when she realizes the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.

Answer 9

My guess is that she will be back, it sounds like she is tired of your 30yr marriage and the humdrum has gotten to her, she remembers that first love with all the feelings of being young and care-free but that is not a reality. She is chasing something that isn't there, she will find that out and then want to come home to you, if you love her and can forgive her, then just be there waiting when she does, good luck.

Answer 10

I really can not say what went wrong since I do not know much about your relationship but, if she left is for a reason and you should be glad cause you do not want to have someone in your life who does not want to be with you I'm sure you are better off with someone else

Answer 11

Look on the bright side. You had 30 good years and then you wife went nuts. She may of been the love of your life, but now she is just nuts.