Married men who have suffered trauma--do you have trouble in your sex life with your wife due to the trauma?

Question

My husband suffered verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of his father. His father always called him a spazz and wouldn't allow him to play sports because he would "get hurt." He, however, allowed my husband's brother to play and encouraged and rewarded him for it.
He also called my husband an idiot and a klutz and did other obnoxous things.
I've heard that this type of truama mixed with any sort of marital discord can put a man off sex with his wife because he is so out of touch with his own body and sexuality.
If you have been in this sort of boat, or are in it, please respond.
It hurts so much that my husband never initiates sex with me.
And, no joke, I'm quite beautiful and have a knack for being sexy. It is so hard on my self-esteem to not be treated as if I am.

Answer 1

OK I can see trouble in my answer but here goes. Your being a beautiful sexy woman can be part of the problem...KEEP READING answerers before you pound me. You husband was taught he was not worth anything...therefore he cannot understand how you could possibly love him and want him. The reassurance he needs must be hard on you especially, checked your profile, as you have a small child. YES to counseling. But also a BIG yes to making sure that you make him feel special with the baby in the house.

Answer 2

nicely i became form of the comparable way once I married my hubby. i does not pass to a public pool the two. i did no longer like wearing proper outfits because of the fact then I have been given observed by utilising different men and because I enjoyed my husband then i did no longer like them to observe. plenty women human beings have insecurities approximately their physique. I did and nevertheless do. I took bubble baths so no person would see me. lol.. i actually do no longer think of it has to do with sexual trauma. it relatively is in effortless terms some human beings experience completely uncomfortable wearing proper outfits. I even have offered them and then no longer placed on them. I even have been married some years too and do only no longer prefer to coach off my physique because of the fact it makes me experience bitchy and worry-free.. possibly she feels the comparable way. Now i will say that once i became ten years previous my uncle have been given overly friendly with me.. and it did make me experience very grimy. i do no longer think of that it made me the way i'm nonetheless. possibly you will desire to sit down down her down and tell her the variety you experience.. you will desire to probably tell her which you relatively prefer to look at her elegance and not yet another lady's. tell her you like her physique and would rather prefer to ascertain it each and every now and then and that being proper isn't undesirable while you're married. yet ask her why? after a rather good variety of years of marriage you will desire to have the potential to get out out of her.. i'd have theory that if she had a difficulty in her previous that she would have instructed you after all this time. I instructed my husband.

Answer 3

That's really sad that your husband was treated like that by his father. But I think it would probably help if he went through counceling, because he's got some issues that he needs to get worked out, before it causes even more problems.

Just be supportive of your husband, that will mean so much to him if your supportive of him.

Answer 4

You both need to get into therapy or else your marriage is doomed.

Answer 5

you should confide in your family doc/professional help. life is to damn short to be feeling like this.